I've done something stupid and I'm scared!

[MegaScared]

I've just sent a message to my Father after finding him on Facebook. Haven't had contact for 20+ years. Bloody scared now. Got a feeling he'll ignore it though.

All I said was "Hi" didn't know what else to say!

He may not even see the message as it would go into the 'other' folder if you're not friends on Facebook.

It's been ten minutes now.

@inappropriateraspberry

He may not even see the message as it would go into the 'other' folder if you're not friends on Facebook.

I didn't think there was an other folder anymore? I don't think I have an other folder.

It's called 'message requests' now. I always forget to check them.

Maybe I don't have an other folder because my settings are set up not to allow messages from people who aren't my friends.

All down to him now! He may not look at his page every day, so maybe not an immediate response.

@inappropriateraspberry

It's called 'message requests' now. I always forget to check them.

Ah, that's annoying. How can I get him to see without me adding him? I don't want to add him because I don't want anyone to see.

Do you know if he's online right now? I'd really try and carry in with your day and give it 24hrs. He may not use Facebook a lot.
What do you expect him to say? Would he know who you are from your name or picture?

Op do you want to tell us a bit more about why you’re scared? Are you ok?

It’s possible he might get the message. I sometimes get messages from strangers although I also get messages in my other folder sometimes. I’ve never understood why.

@inappropriateraspberry

Do you know if he's online right now? I'd really try and carry in with your day and give it 24hrs. He may not use Facebook a lot. What do you expect him to say? Would he know who you are from your name or picture?

He'd know from my name. I'm just worried now it'll go into message requests and he won't see it. I just checked my message requests, didn't even know it existed and found a message from a cousin from 2018!

I'm never going to know now whether he saw the message and chose to ignore me or whether he just didn't see it.

Can you set up a new FB account in a different name and then add him from that account?

Will he know it's his child though, or just a random person saying hi?

You're going to have to add him. Nobody else will see that you've become friends though. Facebook no longer shows when someone adds someone else as a friend

I've been thinking about messaging my biological father on Facebook, I know he's tried tracing me and I keep talking myself out of it.

You sometimes get a little notification if someone has messaged you in the message requests folder so he might see it, not always though, I don't know how it works. He might not use Facebook regularly, so I'd say give it at least a day or two

Just add him, no one will be notified that you've added him and if he replies you can quickly ask to talk through email/another app and remove him as a friend to avoid people seeing.

Well, he replied. He said "you ok". Not sure what I expected, I guess he wasn't sure what to say either. I guess it was either that or "hi, sorry I've been a shit dad for 20 years"

I didn't know what to respond with. So I just put, "yeah, I'm fine. Just thought I'd reach out and contact you." He's seen it but hasn't replied yet. Maybe he wont. Maybe he doesn't know what to say.

I'm assuming he knows who you are?

I'd find it a bit strange you only saying "hi" but I hope it turns out well for you.

Sorry didn't see the last posts. I think it's good he responded.

Oh that's difficult. I hope he does the decent thing and replies again.

I did this last year, didn't end well for me he blocked me.

Hopefully it works out better for you op.

I feel like I should put a follow up message but I don't want to seem desperate or pushy.

@Itsjustaride8w737

I did this last year, didn't end well for me he blocked me.

Hopefully it works out better for you op.

I'm sorry to hear that.