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Original poster

I've done something stupid and I'm scared!

217 replies

MegaScared · 11/03/2021 16:43

I've just sent a message to my Father after finding him on Facebook. Haven't had contact for 20+ years. Bloody scared now. Got a feeling he'll ignore it though.

OP posts:
loveheartss · 31/03/2021 14:14

Hope it goes well for you OP.

I met my biological father for the first time 6 years ago now. It was okay - I got answers but they weren't satisfying tbh. He wasn't ready to be a dad and he didn't want to be with my mum. He was 24 when I was born, so a bit pathetic if you ask me. He then went onto have more children, like your dad and was a significantly better dad to them which is something I suppose. I have no contact with him now but I do have a relationship with his oldest daughter. I am glad I met him to put a face to the name and so that I don't wonder anymore but he is certainly not and never will be the wonder dad I hoped for in my teen years.

I hope you get the closure that you need today.

Purplecatshopaholic · 31/03/2021 14:22

Good luck op, I hope it goes well for you.

B33Fr33 · 31/03/2021 14:34

Flowers Brew I hope something useful to you comes out of this.

HopeHappy · 31/03/2021 14:48

What a rollercoaster @MegaScared - I've just read your posts alone and the ups and downs of the last few weeks must feel so overwhelming.

I wish you luck for today and that you get what you need to move forward with your life, whether he's in it for the long haul or not.

As you've mentioned, you've already got lots of love in your life (I'm jealous that your DP bakes!).

Someone said the other day that when they had their second child they were scared to share the love they had for their first born, but then realised that you don't share the love, it just doubles.

In your case, your heart is already full of so much love. This is purely a case of whether it can be expanded to love just that little bit more.

Ohdofuckofdear · 31/03/2021 15:11

I don't know if you've met up yet but if you have I hope it went well and if you haven't yet good luck Flowers

Findingnemo2 · 31/03/2021 15:24

Hope today gives you some peace, at least, so that you can move on with your loved ones.

Andrea87 · 31/03/2021 15:27

Good luck OP , I hope it goes well and you have a positive meeting with questions being answered. Take tissues and photos of you when you were young, he missed out so much of seeing you grow up.
Btw does your mum know you are meeting him as this may be hard for her too and she may need some reassurance from you, although today is about you and your dad mending bridges. Maybe even starting a beautiful parent / daughter relationship.
I shall be thinking of you this afternoon. Take care and sending you a big virtual hug 🤗

1forAll74 · 31/03/2021 15:35

Would you like to get your Fathers address from his other daughter ,and then maybe write to him. If you wan't to ask him some questions etc, it is better all written down, and you can think things out better, Better than typing things out on Facebook etc,

supersop60 · 31/03/2021 15:38

Good luck!

CrazyCatLazy · 31/03/2021 15:38

@MegaScared

I'm meeting him today face to face. So bloody nervous.
Wow! Big step, sending support x
Original poster
MegaScared · 31/03/2021 16:04

Thank you, all! It went surprisingly well. He bought along an Easter Egg for me to give my DS. We talked for two and a half hours. Most of the questions I wanted answers to he had already answered in messages so i didn't particularly have any questions. We spoke briefly of the past but mostly it was about our lives now. We have quite a lot in common it seems. Feels a bit surreal at the moment and I'm not sure how I'm feeling really. DM has no idea about any of it.

OP posts:
Lovedove · 31/03/2021 16:27

Glad it went well but obviously proceed with caution and try not to get too excited. Sounds promising though x

GoWalkabout · 31/03/2021 17:40

I would tell your mum sooner rather than later but draw a clear boundary 'I'm now in touch with my dad and I don't expect you to be wholly happy about it, but I do hope that you will respect my choice. I'm not planning on keeping you updated but I didn't want you to be unaware.'

Original poster
MegaScared · 31/03/2021 21:45

@GoWalkabout

I would tell your mum sooner rather than later but draw a clear boundary 'I'm now in touch with my dad and I don't expect you to be wholly happy about it, but I do hope that you will respect my choice. I'm not planning on keeping you updated but I didn't want you to be unaware.'
I don't think I can ever tell her and if she ever finds out itll be a bad day for all of us!
OP posts:
Butterfly44 · 31/03/2021 22:17

That's great OP. Glad you got to talk and had some answers. X

Andrea87 · 01/04/2021 00:19

That sounds great , so pleased it went well. I hope you can work it out and stay in touch and if your mum finds out she accepts this too. Best wishes

GoWalkabout · 01/04/2021 08:56

Ah, OK. You know your Mum! Fair enough x

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