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New lodger - drama already

207 replies

anotheronethreadnamechange · 18/02/2021 09:23

Just to preface this by explaining that I have never had a lodger before and don't know anyone personally who has lodgers so I don't really know if I'm being mean or not.

The new lodger (I'll call her Jane) only moved in a couple of weeks ago and works away for part of the week doing a training course for now. She would be here all week when the course ends in a couple of weeks, if she passes and will be working shifts as a front line health worker. I thought she would be a good match because of the nature of her job and because she will be doing shifts. Also she came across as being quite sensible/quiet.

It all worked ok aside from a few minor things until the weekend. She left the house at some point in the evening and I was woken up in the early hours to a bit of a racket outside and banging. When I opened the front door she was outside, so drunk that she couldn't speak (despite loud drunken shouting conversation with her mates whilst climbing out a taxi), in pyjamas, and drunkenly swinging a carrier bag full of wine bottles around which was causing the banging and crashing.

She still had not surfaced from her room by 3.30pm the next day, presume still sleeping as I couldn't hear any moving around all day. I went out and got a breezy text from her an hour later along the lines of 'off to work, sorry if I woke you up on my way in last night'. I told her that I actually let her in, which she couldn't remember, and asked her where her keys were. She didn't know, 'think they might be at my friends' but didn't check until I pressed this, and realised then that she doesn't actually know where the keys are, she's lost them.

I got a locksmith out on Monday to change the locks, and she said she would transfer me the money the same day. Still no sign of the money, and she's left my message chasing it on unread. She's actually due back from her course at 2am, and I have no idea whether she plans to just knock on the door for me to let her in or thinks I'm going to leave a key outside for her (I'm not).

I really want to take the stance that I am not letting her back until she's paid the locksmith fee (I've obviously paid the locksmith myself). Would this be awful of me, or justified? Despite some gushing apologies by text on Sunday only when she could see I was a bit pissed off and strange comments about 'I don't drink really, this doesn't happen' (she absolutely does drink, she's had a bit of a drink every night she's been here and asked me several times although I've declined if I want a drink) she obviously isn't as bothered as she says as she's left me to foot the bill for the locks.

OP posts:
Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst · 18/02/2021 09:26

Oh @anotheronethreadnamechange
That sounds dreadful

I'd just say to her, Jane we need a chat

Then sit her down tell her this isn't working out, get the money for the locksmiths off her and give her notice - job done

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 18/02/2021 09:26

Are you looking for legal answers or moral answers?

Legally there is a fair bit of leeway with a lodger but possibly not this much.
Do you intend to give her notice or can you see yourselves repairing the relationship?

She doesn't seem to have much insight into how her behaviour has impacted on you.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 18/02/2021 09:29

Oh god this doesn't bode well for the future....give her notice...shes not going to get any better.

AtlasPine · 18/02/2021 09:29

I would call it a day to be honest. She’s lying to you and not trustworthy - this is your home. I speak as someone who had lodgers for ten years.

FromAnonymous · 18/02/2021 09:31

This won't get better.

TheJackieWeaver · 18/02/2021 09:31

Give her notice now. You’re not going to relax with her there.

KitchenFairy · 18/02/2021 09:32

If this is her behaviour in the first few weeks I would end the tenancy right now.

Forget about the locksmith money, don’t give her a new key, cut your losses and ask her to come and collect her stuff ASAP.

TheProvincialLady · 18/02/2021 09:32

Send her a text telling her if she hasn’t found her key you will be available to let her in from 8.30am and not before.

And give her notice. With this much drama after 2 weeks she is clearly going to be a nightmare. Give her the minimum notice you are legally obliged to offer (sorry no idea what that is). You owe her absolutely nothing more than that.

FoolsAssassin · 18/02/2021 09:32

I have only had one lodger but found with her how she was at the start set the tone and I regretted not getting her to go at the beginning

7yo7yo · 18/02/2021 09:33

Write of the locksmith money and tell her to come and collect her stuff.

anotheronethreadnamechange · 18/02/2021 09:33

Both, I suppose. Legally I doubt she has many rights. There is no contract, and I don't think any notice period.

Morally, I don't want to be a dick. However, she's working in a health professional role with vulnerable people and is still going out drinking with her mates (where do you even go in a lockdown?) and obviously then coming back into this house afterwards. She's left me high and dry for the locksmith fees (so far, but for all she knows I don't have that amount of disposable cash) and this makes me question whether she's going to be a nightmare with rent too. And she obviously wasn't even going to tell me she lost her keys until she came back a few days later, which annoys me most of all.

I think I'm also wondering if others would see this as a sort of final strike and continue with her, or want her to leave?

OP posts:
StepOutOfLine · 18/02/2021 09:35

I think I'd get rid now, rather than waiting for it to happen again.

starfishmummy · 18/02/2021 09:37

She goes. And assuming you will have given henr the new key, Im sorry to say you will probably need to change the lock again.

domesticslattern · 18/02/2021 09:38

Oh, ask her to leave definitely. Breaking lockdown rules would be enough for me.
All this in the first two weeks.... nah, it won't get better. I am afraid you probably won't get the locksmith ££ out of her, but I would probably write that off against the increased grief and drama of her sticking around tbh.

user1477249785 · 18/02/2021 09:39

Someone who behaves this way in the first month doesn't get better.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/02/2021 09:39

She has mates, she has a job and she has money.

You don't need to feel respsonsible for her. Just tell her you won't put up with it and she needs to move out over the weekend.

If she gave you a deposit retain the locksmith fee. If she didn't then chalk it up to experience and take a small deposit next time.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 18/02/2021 09:40

Final strike for me. I’d sit and have a chat-this isn’t going to work.

KitchenFairy · 18/02/2021 09:40

She has mates, she has a job and she has money.

She also has another place to stay. The only reason I’d be letting her back over the doorstep would be to collect her things.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 18/02/2021 09:41

And don’t give her a key to the new lock!

HoneysuckIejasmine · 18/02/2021 09:41

Bye, Jane.

Ridiculous behaviour in current times too, bearing in mind her job.

Nearlyhalfterm · 18/02/2021 09:41

Did you take a deposit? If so I would give her notice and take the locksmith out of that. I don't think you are suddenly going to start feeling more secure about her living with you.

FoolsAssassin · 18/02/2021 09:44

I would get rid. I think there is a tendency to feel with first lodger that there will be an adjustment period of having someone in your house so you feel you need to be flexible. Think there will always be a few teething problems but anything major just won’t get better.

Jobsharenightmare · 18/02/2021 09:45

I wouldn't stop her coming back. I would let her back and tell her to leave the next day and explain its not working out from your side. She isn't your drunk teenage daughter, she's a lodger. She should know better than to lose your keys, not pay for a locksmith and potentially bring Covid into your home.

SnarkyBag · 18/02/2021 09:46

Yeah I’d just give notice. She’s probably not going to get any better!

ImFree2doasiwant · 18/02/2021 09:47

As a lodger she has little rights at all. You can give her 'reasonable notice although there is no set definition of reasonable. You can take into account length of residency, rental period, and behaviour when deciding how much notice to give.

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