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New lodger - drama already

207 replies

anotheronethreadnamechange · 18/02/2021 09:23

Just to preface this by explaining that I have never had a lodger before and don't know anyone personally who has lodgers so I don't really know if I'm being mean or not.

The new lodger (I'll call her Jane) only moved in a couple of weeks ago and works away for part of the week doing a training course for now. She would be here all week when the course ends in a couple of weeks, if she passes and will be working shifts as a front line health worker. I thought she would be a good match because of the nature of her job and because she will be doing shifts. Also she came across as being quite sensible/quiet.

It all worked ok aside from a few minor things until the weekend. She left the house at some point in the evening and I was woken up in the early hours to a bit of a racket outside and banging. When I opened the front door she was outside, so drunk that she couldn't speak (despite loud drunken shouting conversation with her mates whilst climbing out a taxi), in pyjamas, and drunkenly swinging a carrier bag full of wine bottles around which was causing the banging and crashing.

She still had not surfaced from her room by 3.30pm the next day, presume still sleeping as I couldn't hear any moving around all day. I went out and got a breezy text from her an hour later along the lines of 'off to work, sorry if I woke you up on my way in last night'. I told her that I actually let her in, which she couldn't remember, and asked her where her keys were. She didn't know, 'think they might be at my friends' but didn't check until I pressed this, and realised then that she doesn't actually know where the keys are, she's lost them.

I got a locksmith out on Monday to change the locks, and she said she would transfer me the money the same day. Still no sign of the money, and she's left my message chasing it on unread. She's actually due back from her course at 2am, and I have no idea whether she plans to just knock on the door for me to let her in or thinks I'm going to leave a key outside for her (I'm not).

I really want to take the stance that I am not letting her back until she's paid the locksmith fee (I've obviously paid the locksmith myself). Would this be awful of me, or justified? Despite some gushing apologies by text on Sunday only when she could see I was a bit pissed off and strange comments about 'I don't drink really, this doesn't happen' (she absolutely does drink, she's had a bit of a drink every night she's been here and asked me several times although I've declined if I want a drink) she obviously isn't as bothered as she says as she's left me to foot the bill for the locks.

OP posts:
roxanne119 · 19/02/2021 18:06

Get rid before the non drinker gets a foot hold . It’s your keys this time but next time it could be so much more 😳

oakleaffy · 19/02/2021 18:09

Bloody hell...A binge drinker in your house? What a nightmare.

I had lodgers years ago, and learned that you actually cannot tell by appearance or what courses they are on what they will be like.

Construction students were great! ..Still friend with one years later.
Nurses had a bad reputation for some reason..Especially with boozing and being very messy.

Definitely give her notice..

Ineke · 19/02/2021 18:16

I think that her irresponsible behaviour, especially as she works with vulnerable people, is putting both her clients and you at risk. I would give her notice, enough time to find alternative accommodation, and also insist she pays for the lock smith. This does not bode well for the future if she can be this badly behaved so soon. Surely drinking with friends is not allowed in lockdown.

DishingOutDone · 19/02/2021 18:25

You give her a key then in about a fortnight ask us again how to get rid of her 🤔

mrsminiegg · 19/02/2021 18:30

I wouldn't even talk to her about it. In fact I wouldn't want to see her. You owe her no explanation for your decision. She wouldn't get it anyway. I would message her "this isn't working for me. Please leave my flat by Sunday afternoon at the latest."

HelloThereMeHearties · 19/02/2021 18:37

Get rid. She will only get worse.

Do not give her 2 weeks' notice. One week, max. As you said there are other places she can go.

I doubt very much that her parents or friends will be surprised that you've kicked her out, whatever sob story she comes up with.

This is not normal behaviour for lodgers, and there are good ones out there.

MumofPsuedoAdult · 19/02/2021 18:39

I had lodgers for 7 years and I had to ask 2 of them to leave after about a month due to incompatible lifestyles. It's your home, you don't owe her anything other than a decent amount of notice. I doubt this will improve.

HelloThereMeHearties · 19/02/2021 18:40

Actually, like others have said, don't give her any notice at all. Or another key to lose.

Frenchdressing · 19/02/2021 18:43

How? Are you not in UK OP?

BenoneBeauty · 19/02/2021 18:50

I never understand threads like these - she has proved herself totally untrustworthy and not someone you should want to share your home worth. Why on earth would you give her the benefit of the doubt? Put her bags on the doorstep and don't let her back in. Anything else and you're totally asking for everything you get. Sorry, not meaning to victim blame, but she has shown you who she is so you need to believe her or face the consequences.

SooMoony · 19/02/2021 18:50

I was wondering that too - there's no way anyone could fall out of a taxi in the middle of the night, pissed as a fart, having had a raucous evening out, with a carrier bag of booze round here. Nowhere is open, alcohol isn't sold after 10pm, and we're in lockdown.

If this woman is genuinely caring for vulnerable people, then her behaviour is even more shameful, bringing the risk of infection to her clients and colleagues.

Unless this is somewhere other than the UK.

WannabemoreWeaver · 19/02/2021 18:51

I think there are 2 different things here. She may be truthful when she says that she doesnt drink like that normally - I work in the NHS and was definitely drinking a lot more than usual before Christmas (although still not much overall). It is horrible in the NHS right now, so I can see why people may want to cut loose sometimes. Not saying it is ok or advisable, just that I understand it. I would be more concerned about her casual response to losing her keys and paying you for them - that just shows a blatant disregard for safety and a tendency to not keep promises. Based on those two things, I would say she has to go.

BunnyRuddington · 19/02/2021 18:58

Had she come back yet @WannabemoreWeaver?

LadyCatStark · 19/02/2021 19:02

If he’s mum lives nearby and has spare rooms, I’d wonder why she’s ended up having to move out and live with you...

HelloThereMeHearties · 19/02/2021 19:04

@LadyCatStark

If he’s mum lives nearby and has spare rooms, I’d wonder why she’s ended up having to move out and live with you...
I'd far rather leave home if I could, than live at home. How is that odd?

Although, you definitely need to get rid sharpish.

effieochondriac · 19/02/2021 19:05

@LadyCatStark

If he’s mum lives nearby and has spare rooms, I’d wonder why she’s ended up having to move out and live with you...
Probably because this young lady has a few drinking 'issues' and doesn't want mum to know, or because mum had already expressed concern.
Starwind74 · 19/02/2021 19:07

I think it is concerning that she said she doesn’t drink usually when you have seen her doing so. Sounds like she could have a serious drink problem, so that is a red flag.

GCAcademic · 19/02/2021 19:14

It's amazing how many badly behaved lodgers who also happen to be healthcare workers there are out there. So many threads about it.

Fluffmum · 19/02/2021 19:43

Ask her to leave

emmylousings · 19/02/2021 19:51

I have had a few lodgers OP, consider myself quite tolerant (it's great that you are trying to be reasonable) but, she has overstepped the mark several times in a short space of time. She is going to be a nightmare. Legally she has no rights as it stands. You are going to have to say 'it isn't going to work and give her two weeks to find somewhere else. Allow in your own head that it might take a couple more. I would pressure her for the locksmith money, she owes you fair and square for that. Sorry this is happening it's a pain. I hope it doesn't out you off, I have two really great lodgers and when I was a kid we had nice ones too. It can work well and is handy cash.

emmylousings · 19/02/2021 19:52

*put you off!

FabbyMagic · 19/02/2021 19:55

Definitely ask her to leave

TillyTopper · 19/02/2021 20:17

The getting out of a cab very drunk thing sounds like it might be a recurring theme if she wasn't mortified the next day. I'd have paid the locksmith's bill and bought flowers to say sorry!

Emel1800 · 19/02/2021 20:32

I’ve had various lodgers. If she’s doing this now, say goodbye. She’s breaking lockdown rules despite being a health professional which on its own shows a dreadful lack of boundaries. You’re not unreasonable to tell her to go.

anotheronethreadnamechange · 19/02/2021 21:32

@BunnyRuddington

Had she come back yet *@WannabemoreWeaver*?
No, it was originally 2am Friday morning (this was before the palaver last weekend). She messaged me yesterday saying it was actually going to be this evening, and then this afternoon to say that in fact it will be tomorrow evening that she is back now. I'm not actually sure how it could all change so much but I am not in her (trainee) profession and know very little about the training process. However, she was very much like this about her moving in date. I do wonder whether she's actually still in work or has deduced that I would have been annoyed if she did come back today and then went out?
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