New lodger - drama already

[anotheronethreadnamechange]

Just to preface this by explaining that I have never had a lodger before and don't know anyone personally who has lodgers so I don't really know if I'm being mean or not.

The new lodger (I'll call her Jane) only moved in a couple of weeks ago and works away for part of the week doing a training course for now. She would be here all week when the course ends in a couple of weeks, if she passes and will be working shifts as a front line health worker. I thought she would be a good match because of the nature of her job and because she will be doing shifts. Also she came across as being quite sensible/quiet.

It all worked ok aside from a few minor things until the weekend. She left the house at some point in the evening and I was woken up in the early hours to a bit of a racket outside and banging. When I opened the front door she was outside, so drunk that she couldn't speak (despite loud drunken shouting conversation with her mates whilst climbing out a taxi), in pyjamas, and drunkenly swinging a carrier bag full of wine bottles around which was causing the banging and crashing.

She still had not surfaced from her room by 3.30pm the next day, presume still sleeping as I couldn't hear any moving around all day. I went out and got a breezy text from her an hour later along the lines of 'off to work, sorry if I woke you up on my way in last night'. I told her that I actually let her in, which she couldn't remember, and asked her where her keys were. She didn't know, 'think they might be at my friends' but didn't check until I pressed this, and realised then that she doesn't actually know where the keys are, she's lost them.

I got a locksmith out on Monday to change the locks, and she said she would transfer me the money the same day. Still no sign of the money, and she's left my message chasing it on unread. She's actually due back from her course at 2am, and I have no idea whether she plans to just knock on the door for me to let her in or thinks I'm going to leave a key outside for her (I'm not).

I really want to take the stance that I am not letting her back until she's paid the locksmith fee (I've obviously paid the locksmith myself). Would this be awful of me, or justified? Despite some gushing apologies by text on Sunday only when she could see I was a bit pissed off and strange comments about 'I don't drink really, this doesn't happen' (she absolutely does drink, she's had a bit of a drink every night she's been here and asked me several times although I've declined if I want a drink) she obviously isn't as bothered as she says as she's left me to foot the bill for the locks.

My sympathies, OP. It does sound a difficult situation so I hope it can be resolved with a minimum of aggravation for you.

For heavens sake, she's hardly stayed in the house and you've had this much hassle
Get rid of her
You are not responsible for her selfish behaviour
This is your home not a doss house

I think reasonable notice would be the end of this week given she's only been here for 2 weeks, she's only been here for a few days during that time, her behaviour is unreasonable, and she only has a tiny amount of stuff here.

Glad she's paid for the locksmith but please don't give her a key, I've seen you mention giving her a Yale key but I'm not sure why?

Given that she's not back until tomorrow evening and you know her DM has a spare room, I'd give her notice on WhatsApp and then a written copy tomorrow saying that she has to be out by 12 pm on Saturday. Especially as you've said she had minimal possessions in your home.

Just get rid. Please don’t be yet another person who just keep giving more and more chances and being taken for a ride.

She’s read this thread or one of her friends has. The 2am thing is she was planning on drinking someone or seeing a friend afterwards. Of course you had to change the lock as you don’t know the friends and she isn’t respecting the law or your space.
Different work with nurses on a ward in PPE to drunkenly hugging on a sofa with 5 other people.

@anotheronethreadnamechange

Just to clarify I didn't mean that I just wouldn't let her back in at all, just not let her in if she rocked up at 2am when she said she was due back from the course (if she hadn't lost the key she could have just let herself in).

She has finally replied to my chasing up message saying she will transfer the money now. Actually that was a while ago and she hasn't yet. And she's now not back until tomorrow evening so that's the 2am problem solved.

I think reasonable notice would be the end of this week given she's only been here for 2 weeks, she's only been here for a few days during that time, her behaviour is unreasonable, and she only has a tiny amount of stuff here?

Notice being end of the week - definitely no more than that. And given she can stay at her mother's place ("She definitely has other places to stay, I know her mum has spare rooms because she told me that she had suggested to her mum that she should get a lodger.") I might be inclined to make it immediate, with her picking up her stuff tomorrow evening rather than returning to lodge.

I'd be telling her she's out immediately and that's that. She'd not get a key from me, and I'd not be allowing her back in my home except to collect her stuff and I'd be supervising that. I'm not very forgiving when people are disrespectful like she's been though, so you may not be as hardline as me!

@Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst

Oh *@anotheronethreadnamechange* That sounds dreadful

I'd just say to her, Jane we need a chat

Then sit her down tell her this isn't working out, get the money for the locksmiths off her and give her notice - job done

This!! It won't get any better!

Get rid of her now before she before she gets any worse.

You've just been unlucky.

Without a doubt give her notice. I wouldn't want to live with someone like this. She can move back to her mum's. I'd ask her to leave asap. Is 1hour reasonable notice?

It’s obviously not working already, I would politely tell her to leave!

Oh! And bank transfer her remaining rent, marked rent X days

And then her deposit, marked deposit

And email her, text her, to confirm the details.

Dot and cross every sodding letter in the alphabet!

I've had three lodgers, first lovely, then two nightmares. One left of her own accord when she realised I was not going to ignore the fact that I'd said her boyfriend from overseas could stay for 2 weeks max, and he then made no effort to find anywhere else to live! It's horrible not feeling comfortable in your own home - I'd give her notice now

Shes a lodger its not her own separate leased home and such behaviour is unacceptable under such an arrangement. And there's the additional issue of what shes doing within lockdown which puts others in your house at a risk thats different from normal.

I also wouldnt chase the locksmith money but ask her to leave within whatever the current rules for lodgers are.

The keys incident is bad enough on its own but socialising with random strangers and potentially bringing infection into your home as well is more than enough reason to get rid. Do not give her the new key and explain why.

Just giver her a week's notice and get rid. If she treats the house and you this way over the first couple of weeks it's not going to get any better. Usually people have a bit of a grace period before they reveal their true selves, she obviously didn't!!

Yep , get rid things will only get worse!

Nightmare. I'd definitely ask her to leave, for lockdown violation apart from anything else. Also put together a tenancy agreement for future with your clear expectations. Mine has a clause about 'respect for others' including no noise or annoyance between 11pm and 7am. Also security. If you discuss your expectations in advance with potential lodgers then people who like to party hard and/or pisstake will know you're not a fit.

@Jobsharenightmare

I wouldn't stop her coming back. I would let her back and tell her to leave the next day and explain its not working out from your side. She isn't your drunk teenage daughter, she's a lodger. She should know better than to lose your keys, not pay for a locksmith and potentially bring Covid into your home.

^^ Bye Jane

On the bright side, she has just sent me the money

I'm pleased for you, but admit I'm surprised

However it doesn't change the overall attitude and if it's not this it'll soon be something else - except I trust she won't be there by then

Get rid of her ASAP

Don't give her another key.

If you say nothing then she’ll think it’s acceptable behaviour. Tell her if she comes back drunk and has lost your key again she’s out.

I have not yet read the whole thread yet, but my first thought was how can she be out in a taxi with friends at the moment. What about social distancing and bubbles etc

I’d give her notice now .
Ok she’s transferred the money but she’s going out in the middle of a lockdown with other households. So not only is she a selfish drunk she’s also a dick .
Honestly that would be enough for me just going out with other people as that is what annoys me about all this when most of us aren’t seeing anyone .
This is before anywhere is open , can you imagine what she’s like when bars re open .
Did you get a reference from previous place I bet it’s the same story .
Tell her you’ll give her notice but she maybe annoyed that she’s paid the locksmith but she lost the keys so tough .

Give her notice to get out, get rid and if she's not paid for the cost of the locksmith, take it out of her deposit!

Drinks too much, lies and won't cough up money owed - get rid before she destroys something in your house, like a carpet or mattress! A decent person who got absolutely pissed like that would be mortified and desperate to make amends.