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Greenland (new amazon film)

192 replies

QuestionableMouse · 08/02/2021 17:49

Everyone is fawning over it! I watched it last night and thought it was absolutely rubbish, reused the same old exhausted tropes that every disaster movie uses and was really oddly paced.

Seriously though, please can we have a disaster movie where the family aren't estranged and the kid isn't forced to have a medical condition just to advance the plot?!

OP posts:
Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 08/02/2021 19:01

Dp gave up halfway.

I watched it because I love disaster movies, but it was crap. Accidentally turned into a Scary Movie style comedy on every disaster movie cliche. Full of plot holes too.

I want to know where all Greenlanders went- why weren't thousands of them trying to bust into the shelters. It's almost as if Americans are the only people on earth.

Wandering accent was poor too, I didn't realise he was playing a Scot until the kilt gag.

MadameButterface · 08/02/2021 19:15

Hahahaa we loved it in our house but we love a cheesy disaster film - it was no San Andreas though.

You can tell a film is high quality when the following exchange takes place 30 minutes in:

“How come that man sounds scottish now?”

“He’s been scottish all along, he’s scottish in real life”

“What? Oh”

Spoilers spoilers all the spoilers

I just love a film where you know what’s coming. Vital medication - that’s getting left somewhere. Man waving a clawhammer around - that’s getting stuck in someone’s head. Kindly good samaritan - will try and kill you. Etc.

greenemerald · 08/02/2021 19:18

Also why couldn't they just hide their wrist bands better? facepalm

MadameButterface · 08/02/2021 19:22

I was yelling at them about the wristbands.

usedandabusedx1000 · 08/02/2021 19:26

I enjoyed it, but like others, I often an enjoy a cheesy disaster movie. The ending was appalling, what, exactly, are they going to fucking do now???? I hate that there was no more mention of all the friends they left behind, I hate that she didn’t give a flying fuck that she clearly weren’t going to see her dad again, and why Greenland? That got destroyed to? So what was the point?

burnoutbabe · 08/02/2021 19:28

I enjoyed it.

The medical side, I assumed the bunker would be capable of coping with most stuff, people have heart attacks etc.

And they had space for 800k and needed to repopulate so at the end, take anyone who is there. Tons of selected wouldn't have made it.

I thought wife was pregnant at the end but not clear so assume not. Could just be a flowy top!

AdditionalCharacter · 08/02/2021 19:30

There wasn't enough actual comets hitting the earth. It needed more oomph.

And what was going on with GB's accent? Is he Scottish? Is he American? Only he knows.

The film caused an hour long argument/debate afterwards regarding the ill being sent away. I said it was because they might not be able to keep enough medication, making the person more ill or possibly die. DH says it's because of a weakened genetic line Hmm.

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 08/02/2021 19:34

I think GB swinging his dick for the same length of time would have been more entertaining!!

I'm not an expert on insulin pumps but my mam uses insulin and it has to be kept in the fridge. Pretty sure those meds would have been no good by the time kiddo needed them.

OP posts:
Plonque · 08/02/2021 19:37

The diabetic kid, I mean really...

When they were packing the bags and were all "the meds, the meds!! Don't forget the meds" I knew exactly how it was going to go!

And don't get me started on the Divorced Couple Reunite In The Face Of Adversity bollocks, that really annoys me cos it's not real life at all. How many poor kids think their parents are going to magically get back together because that tired old schtick is reused for every bloody film going!

LindaEllen · 08/02/2021 19:40

I enjoyed it! ☺️

Plonque · 08/02/2021 19:43

And if they were set up to not support medical needs, would they have been able to care for the son?

I took the 'no sick people' rule as they wanted the very best of the gene pool because they were going to have to repopulate the earth, not because they couldn't look after sick people. Could have been a bit of both, I suppose.

MrsLighthouse · 08/02/2021 19:59

Gerard Butler looked like he’d spent the last decade in the pub living on kebabs ....terrible dialogue ....perfect wife who kept lipstick intact throughout every disaster....cliched to hell. And worse than that note even good disaster effects . Like a channel 5 movie.
Watch San Andreas instead... brilliant disaster and the Rock !!

toolazytothinkofausername · 08/02/2021 20:03

YANBU.

I never leave negative reviews, but I did for this film!

frogswimming · 08/02/2021 20:06

I can't find it! What is it on?

Plonque · 08/02/2021 20:07

@frogswimming

I can't find it! What is it on?

It's on Amazon Prime

frogswimming · 08/02/2021 20:08

Oh no!!! I don't have amazon prime!!!!!

CoronaIsWatching · 08/02/2021 20:08

I think Deep Impact is the best asteroid/comet movie

ilovebagpuss · 08/02/2021 20:15

I love a disaster movie and can ignore many an implausible plot for some good actors and some eye popping effects. I thought it was ok but as a lot of you have said it didn’t really bring anything new.
I was lying in bed after rewriting a version where they managed to get inside the air base and steal a load of wristbands for their lovely mates back at the gorgeous expensive house street.
For me the worst transgression was being so bloody open about the wristbands when they knew not many people got called up.
Also they said they had tons of medical supplies and food at the secret bunker so diabetes would have been catered for especially if they needed the skill set of the parent!
Still at at the top is Day After Tomorrow

hedgehogger1 · 08/02/2021 20:19

@LooksLikeImStuckHere

I love a disaster movie but this one just made me cross.

Spoiler

What I don’t get is if they managed to get to the base, why they were just accepting any old person when they’d been so strict. And if they were set up to not support medical needs, would they have been able to care for the son? Just too many questions and plot holes big enough for an asteroid to pass through.

Because loads of people got blown up or never made it on their original plane so they needed to up the numbers to maximise the gene pool?
hedgehogger1 · 08/02/2021 20:22

Plus no diabetic people because they have no insulin production facilities. I was all "well he'll be dead anyway once that relatively minuscule amount of insulin runs out". But no, miraculous recovery or a stock of genetically modified insulin producing bacteria in the bunker? No sure which is more likely?

twilightcafe · 08/02/2021 20:22

@ilovebagpuss
Even my youngest child pointed out the wristband flaw Grin

Plonque · 08/02/2021 20:22

@frogswimming

Oh no!!! I don't have amazon prime!!!!!

You can pay per view on Amazon if you don't have the subscription. Films start at 99p but I'm guessing with Greenland its probably at least £10, if not nearer £20, so you'd probably be better paying the £7 monthly fee and having a month of prime benefits rather than just paying the one off high buy/film rental fee.
I cancel and restart my prime depending on if I'm really using it/if I feel I've watched everything good on there at any one time.
It's dead easy to do, you can even schedule to cancel it straight after taking it out so you don't forget to cancel it and get charged again the next month.

twilightcafe · 08/02/2021 20:24

Why did the bad Samaritans not ask the little boy what his name was, or his agent they wanted to pass him off as their son?

JimmyTheBrave · 08/02/2021 20:26

This has to be one of the worst films I've ever seen, predictable and unoriginal.

Gerard Butler either can't do or can't be arsed to do an American accent and by the end of the film was almost full-on Scot. Absolute mess of a film.

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/02/2021 20:32

I enjoyed it but I love a disaster movie.

Gerald Butler's accent was very distracting though. Surely he can still do a Scottish accent? They should have had John Barrow an.

I was also surprised that the disaster planning had included beard dye.