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Can anyone explain flashing to me?

158 replies

Shinylikeglass · 26/12/2020 09:34

I run in our local woods, often on my own, there's no peace like it.

From time to time, running friends, will warn lone female runners that a flasher is operating in them there woods. TBH, I'm never sure if it's actually true and whilst I agree it's off and probably traumatic in the moment to come across a flasher, I'm not sure what's so dangerous that I should stop doing the thing I love most in the world, just in case I come across him?

Or does "flasher" mean something other than just showing off his bits?

OP posts:
Patienceisvirtuous · 26/12/2020 23:42

I’ve been flashed at a few times.

Once on my paperound aged 14, by a guy a few years older than me. He was disgusting. He later went on to orally rape a local boy.

The second time I was with my mum walking through a subway when a teenage boy (with friends) pulled his trousers down and started masturbating while shouting over to us. I did shout something pithy then (but it was still shocking).
Another time I was giving my drunk colleague a lift home (there was 4 of us in the car) and he unzipped his fly and exposed his flaccid penis.
He did laugh as did my other colleagues (one male, one female) and I just retorted ‘put it away, absolutely no one wants to see that’.

Sigh.

It’s definitely not an urban myth.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 27/12/2020 00:03

I was once chased my a man doing this, through woods whilst walking my dog. Funnily enough I was stopped on the way to the woods by a lady who warned me to be careful as she'd seen someone loitering... it's very much shocking when it happens as they have all the power and are threatening you, don't take it lightly OP

Crunchymum · 27/12/2020 00:04

Been flashed on the Tube. Initially I thought it was a genuine accident in his part (he was in a football kit, but looked / seemed normal enough, except it was obvious after the event that he had hitched his shorts up / was feigning sleep) the look he gave me when he caught eye made confirmed - to me - that he knew.

More disturbing was when I was walking along the canal and a workman on a house on the opposite (IE otherside) of the canal started shouting the most horrendous abuse at me. Started with a few wolf whistles and derogatory comments and when I ignored him it got nasty - said he was going to walk up to X exit (where we'd both get off the canal at same time and place) and rape me Shock

I was 14, in school uniform and on way to a middle of the say dental appointment.

He told me he had his cock out but I didn't look. By this stage I was head down and planning my escape.

Never reported this, and continued to walk the canal but only with others.

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/12/2020 00:08

When I used to commute into London, there was a man who stood at the top of the stairs in my tube station every single bloody day with his cock and balls hanging out of his flies. He was as much a part of the scenery as the ticket inspectors and the beggars. It went on for so long that nobody took a blind bit of notice of him and I always just thought he was a sad old git and the lack of attention must have been galling for him. However, he did this every single morning and evening for around a decade. I'm sorry for him if that is the only way he could get his kicks!

IdblowJonSnow · 27/12/2020 00:16

People laugh about 'flashers' but I'd be absolutely terrified (and furious) I think if this happened to me.

I live in fear of it happening to my daughters. I know the stereotype is that a flasher wouldn't do anything else but I'd never feel so blase about that.

Crunchymum · 27/12/2020 00:17

What tube station @TheFormidableMrsC

AccidentallyOnSanta · 27/12/2020 01:23

Indecent exposure or unwanted sexual touching (11.5% of adults aged 16 to 59, 3.8 million victims) was more common than rape or assault by penetration (including attempts) (3.4%, 1.1 million victims).

An estimated 1.7% of adults aged 16 to 59 experienced indecent exposure or unwanted sexual touching in the last year, around three times as many as had experienced rape or assault by penetration (including attempts) (0.5%).

It was hard enough to get indecent exposure to be recognised as a crime. Let's not keep trivialising it by pretending it's all "rumours" and not happening.

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/12/2020 01:38

@Crunchymum Old Street

NiceGerbil · 27/12/2020 03:01

Well on the one hand there is a general tendency in society to scare women I think, in the guise of being helpful.

The circular emails that used to go around with really get helpful advice like, rapists prefer women with long hair... Ok. So, what? If all women cut their hair short they'll be safe ? Nonsense. A bloke sent me that list once I said don't send me these. He said he thought it was helpful Hmm

Then you get the posters in women's bogs, TFL ads. All saying you are PREY you need to look out. Nice.

Also loads of TV progs with women being attacked left right and centre.

It all works to make women follow lists of xyz behaviour. When actually it probably won't help it's down to luck. That feels uncomfortable though. Hence women constantly being told to curtail their lives.

I never did that and the things that happened were when I should have been safe. Not around the stuff the lists cover.

OTOH I find the idea that flashing is trivial naive.

OP have you seriously never been flashed?

It's not great.

My worst, and it's happened a few times. But the worst was on the tube on a bit with A 4 min journey between stops. Late, end of line. Can't really get between carriages. End of line, late. No one else in carriage. Man opposite started wanking at me. I mean what do you do? How dangerous is he? Obviously it's threatening to be a lone female with a sexually aroused strange man focused on you.

I think the downplaying from some on the thread around the impact, including the OP. Is pretty shit tbh.

It's illegal, a sex offence. Women and girls shouldn't have to put up with it.

NiceGerbil · 27/12/2020 03:04

In short OP

Not sure why people on Facebook know your habits to comment.

Keep doing your run.

Don't mention it on Facebook as you will get comments.

Don't trivialise sex offences.

Job done.

PoppinTheCorn · 27/12/2020 06:58

Many, many years ago when i was walking across a recreation field with my mum and the dog, a man flashed at us.
My mum battered him almost senseless with her brolly ( i'm surprised she didn't ram it up his arse as a grand finale! )
Fortunately, i've never encountered one since.
I would urge everyone who has been in this situation to report it to the police as soon as they're able. These males need to be caught and stopped, whether they will escalate their behaviour or not.
They're disgusting and no one should have to put up with it.

RacheyCat · 27/12/2020 07:39

The advice my mother gave to me on what to do should I encounter a flasher, was to find the biggest stick possible and hit his erection with it. “They look hard”, my mother said, “But actually they’re very fragile, even when aroused”. I assumed at the time that this was standard advice, the kind of instruction all mothers were giving to their daughters, but upon reflection, it seems that other girls were just told to point and laugh.

I guess my mother expected me to encounter a flasher in a park, or other wooded area. Perhaps she herself had an experience in the woods; maybe she even meted out her own rough justice against a vulnerable, exposed penis one day when she was out getting some fresh air.

This advice morphed into a kind of instinct, lying dormant, waiting for the eventual unexpected, uninvited penis. As it turned out, the first and only surprise penis I’ve seen was in an urban area, and not intended for me; however, I responded in the spirit of my mother, stick or no stick.

It’s December, and a remarkably cold winter, even for this corner of north-east China. The streets are crusted with compacted ice and snow, the pavements are slippery, and the air is so sharp that it feels that it will slice your lungs apart. I am on an errand, taking the bus, which is unheated and so cold that I disembark with no feeling in my fingers or toes.

I use the momentum from jumping off the bus to launch myself into a kind of walking-sprint. My only goal is to make it to the mall without dying of exposure; I am single minded and focused as I power away from the bus stop and towards shelter. But then, all of a sudden, an image flashes into my consciousness. Penis. A penis, turgid, and being masturbated in a twisting up and down motion. “Penis?” I ask myself. And then, in a moment of realization and fury, I turn back to the bus stop.

Two women are standing at the bus stop. They look unhappy and uncomfortable. They are looking down the street, scanning the road for an approaching bus. Next to them is the owner of the erect penis. In the freezing cold December weather, he has exposed his penis to the -20 degree centigrade air, and managing to get far more blood into his extremities than I can ever manage in this weather, he is masturbating his erect penis at these two, sad-looking women. My fingers are white and numb, my toes are by this point merely a concept. But this man, his penis is red and engorged, his circulation is something to admire, even if his penis isn’t.

I don’t have a stick, but I have a well-stocked handbag. Swung by the handles with the right movement of the wrist, I believe it could do some damage. “NO!” I shout, advancing towards the flasher. “Stop! Pervert!” I bellow, uselessly using my mother-tongue. The flasher gets the idea though. He looks in shock and horror at me, a young foreign woman, an angry, violent-looking foreign woman who is coming for him with her handbag held like a slingshot.

I’ve intruded on his assault, and he turns and starts to run from me. I give chase, shouting all the time, the straps of my handbag still looped around my fingers, ready for maximum impact. As I chase after him I begin to wonder what I am going to do if I catch him. My mother didn’t give instructions for this part. Do I tackle him to the ground, and then deliver serval sharp shocks to his probably now deflated penis? I’m not sure. Can one perform a citizen’s arrest in China? It’s tough to say. Keep your eyes on the prize, Rach, I tell myself, and keep running.

As the flasher tries to escape, he looks over his shoulder to check that I am still pursuing him. I meet his eyes and he makes a bold choice. Darting off the pavement, he runs into the road, moving through the traffic. The quickly approaching cars honk their horns; they swerve, he weaves, and he finds safety from me amongst the danger of the vehicles.

I stop. It is anticlimactic, although relieving in some ways, not to catch him, to be absolved of the responsibility to hit this rogue penis with a weapon, even if it is what my mother would have wanted.

JacobReesMogadishu · 27/12/2020 07:53

I always thought that flashing is a bit retro.......something which used to be quite prevalent 20-30 years ago but not so much now. I’d like to think internet porn keeps most of the saddos inside.

I got flashed when I was about 12yo. Horrible experience in a castle where I was waiting on an alcove on a spiral,staircase for someone to come down. He had his penis hanging out. So I was totally trapped. Me and my mate raced up onto the castle walls and screamed abuse at him down in the grounds. He stood there nodding and laughing, he got a kick out of being angry. I wish we’d reported him/stopped him/screamed blue murder when he was infront of us.

I believe it’s true what a pp said about how flashing can escalate to worse. Saying that I’d like to think reports of a flasher wouldn’t put me off doing what I wanted to do. But if there were two woods and one had a regular flasher and the other didn’t maybe I would change woods. And yes I would warn people if I’d seen someone that day, you never know what’s happened to people,previously and some women could be much more upset than others. Gives them the opportunity to leave if they want to, or at least be more alert if they continue. People should report to the police as well so warnings can be official.

angstinabaggyjumper · 27/12/2020 08:51

OP if you are in your 50s you are probably safe but ... don't you think you're tempting fate?

BalloonSlayer · 27/12/2020 09:09

The murderer in Narborough who was the first in the world to be caught by DNA testing was a convicted flasher. The two times he killed, the victims "didn't do what he expected". Victim blaming of course. Both panicked and ran away, whilst all his other victims had just carried on walking past. Chilling that this was the reason he murdered them and not others, and it has always made me much more frightened of flashers than I used to be. They clearly expect to you "play your part" in their vile sexual assault and woe betide you if you don't.

BalloonSlayer · 27/12/2020 09:09

Aren't unsolicited dick pictures also flashing?

RickiTarr · 27/12/2020 09:22

@BalloonSlayer

Aren't unsolicited dick pictures also flashing?
I’d say that’s exactly what they are.
JudyGemstone · 27/12/2020 10:24

@BalloonSlayer

Aren't unsolicited dick pictures also flashing?
I'd say they're Neo-Flashers yes
MsTSwift · 27/12/2020 12:18

God men are weird

Bagelsandbrie · 27/12/2020 12:26

It’s absolutely terrifying when / if it happens to you.

Happened to me aged 20. Busy south London park. I was walking home about 4pm on a summers day having just come home from the train station from a weekend away. My house backed onto the park and it was a 5-10 min walk across it to get to the station. There was a big play park in the middle. People walking dogs etc.

I got to about half way across and was sort of aware of a man in running gear, bright yellow t shirt and shorts, loitering about to my right but didn’t think too much of it. But as I got closer he ran towards me, it was absolutely terrifying. I was quite a way from the park and didn’t see anyone else about. He stopped in front of me and pulled his shorts down and waggled his penis at me. I just froze completely. He then pulled his shorts up and ran off in the opposite direction.

I didn’t know what to do as I was in the middle of the park, so I just walked as fast as I could. Days before mobiles etc.

When I got home I rang the police but they never caught him. I still have nightmares about it sometimes and even now aged 40 I won’t walk through a park on my own unless it’s literally heaving with people.

Bagelsandbrie · 27/12/2020 12:35

@nocoolnamesleft

I wouldn't call it flashing. I'd call it visual sexual assault. Sounds much less flippant.
I agree with this. Or just even an indirect sexual assault.
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/12/2020 12:40

Flashers do exist, and often go on to commit worse sexual crimes. As a police pensioner, I was often put on plain clothes flasher patrol, in an area where a lot of it had been reported. I suspect there are the appearance of less flashers about now, as so many of the peverted bastards are sending dick picks instead, and not letting their tiny penises get cold. It's a power trip for inadequate men.

viccat · 27/12/2020 12:48

It happened to me through the window of my flat - I was in a first floor flat directly looking onto a higher level footpath. I was cleaning the flat when I became aware of a guy standing on the footpath staring at me and masturbating.

It was really disturbing and made me feel vulnerable and ironically, exposed, in case he had been there watching me before or would be again in the future.

eddiemairswife · 27/12/2020 14:50

When I was about 9 years old my best friend came to school and said she'd woken up and a man was outside her bedroom window with his trousers down. She lived in a prefab, it was during a heatwave so the window was open. For that reason I've always said I'd never live in a bungalow; I keep my bedroom window open at night.

NiceGerbil · 27/12/2020 15:55

Where has OP gone?

OP are you there?

What do you make of all these stories about sex offences that women have shared?

Swipe left for the next trending thread