Can anyone explain flashing to me?

[Shinylikeglass]

I run in our local woods, often on my own, there's no peace like it.

From time to time, running friends, will warn lone female runners that a flasher is operating in them there woods. TBH, I'm never sure if it's actually true and whilst I agree it's off and probably traumatic in the moment to come across a flasher, I'm not sure what's so dangerous that I should stop doing the thing I love most in the world, just in case I come across him?

Or does "flasher" mean something other than just showing off his bits?

@NiceGerbil

OP won’t be back after her thoroughly offensive posts. She’s taken a swipe at the silly little women that are bothered by the sight of a penis and/or alter their behaviour in response to what she considers rumours

As I've said, I'm in my 50s and was flashed at in a park recently.

Haven't RTFT but I used to read men's criminal histories as part of my job (housing ex-offenders). Indecent exposure predated rape and sexual assaults ALL THE TIME. It was very clearly how rapists escalated into their offending.

It needs to be taken very seriously. However, since actual sexual assault isn't, there's not a bloody hope.

A man selling ice cream in Paris flashed his penis at me when I was a child. It was absolutely bizarre. I was with my family at the time so didn’t feel too threatened but I always remember it. It’s even reached the stage where I think ‘did that really happen?’ because it was over 20 years ago and just seems like such a weird situation.

I'll not sure that's the only reason for asking women to tell their stories about sex offences tbh Pegasus

What is it with the French connection? Summer afternoon Northern French town picnicking in a park with female friend, approached by two Algerian (?) men..possibly father and son based on age difference and father openly masturbates right in front of us. Families with small children around... no response..reported to police but v. obviously not taken seriously. 10 years later, back of Kings Cross..St Pancras church..guy with Halloween mask held on with one hand, other hand guess where? Heavily pregnant at the time and unable to move away quickly.. felt extremely scared and vulnerable. So many times in Yrs 10 and 11 of school, at Uni too and, worst ever, at home aged 14/15 with a close relative who thought I would be up for something...never felt safe at home again after that.

@MrsTerryPratchett is exactly right. It's an activity that escalates to more serious sex crimes. People with exhibitionistic disorder do not seek treatment on their own, and don't receive treatment until they are caught and are required to by authorities. If reported it will be treated seriously (or would be where I am).

I've found this really interesting, especially the contributions by BalloonSlayer and MrsTerryPratchett thank you.

I must admit I'd always thought of flashers as sadsacks who were too passive and socially incapable to get their kicks any other way. Almost the opposite of the active aggression of a rapist. It makes sense though, the idea of starting with such a momentary, hard to trace crime and 'scaling up' when you realise how easy it is to get away with and how powerful it makes you feel.

I'm really struck by this line from BalloonSlayer: They clearly expect to you "play your part" in their vile sexual assault and woe betide you if you don't. It reminds me of something else I see discussed on MN often, to do with some men getting kicks out of forcing women to undress, or perform personal acts, in their proximity, all while being forced to 'play along' with a pretence of acceptance and suppression of signs of discomfort.

Back to running through woods though, I'd still want to investigate the provenance of the rumours. Lots of people pass on gossip thoughtlessly, others actively enjoy gossiping, many enjoy sharing or creating a frisson of fear. Many more people than one might expect believe, deep down, that women should not be alone in woods at all, that there is something transgressive, witchy, about choosing to go alone into an archetypally 'scary place', so will choose to believe anything that 'proves' this notion. Third-hand rumours do not equal truth.

My own risk assessment is that if someone wants to kill or assault me when I am out running or walking by myself, they will do, I cannot stop them. The likelihood of that happening though, is so low that compared to the benefit of the activity, I'm going to discount it. I'd take a very different view if there was a known risk in a particular time and place.

We lived in the woods as children and would walk home from school by ourselves through them (on designated rambling paths). I had a coughing fit one day walking back from secondary school, a man was way up ahead of me on the path, he looked back a couple of times when I coughed, I thought nothing of it.

There are frequently lone men walking the area as it’s also home to permanent barge moorings residents which are mostly single men, so he was nothing unusual.

For some reason he stopped dead ahead of me then asked me the time as I caught up, then tried lunging at me uttering words I still don’t want to use 40 years later. I ran home.

I then learnt he’d been flashing at another schoolfriend on that same path some weeks earlier, so there you go, his behaviour escalated from flashing to make a grab for someone.

There was a middle aged bloke who regularly flashed in the park we walked through to/ from college in the 80s.. until he met my tiny friend, she looked like an angel but was hard as nails, she took off her bullet belt and swinging it over her head, literally chased him around the park swearing like a trooper, she wouldve done some damage if she'd caught up with him!.. i kid you not, he disappeared after that.

If out running or walking alone, best not to engage with a male stranger at all, just move past quickly. Anne if something like flashing does happen, report.

Whatever you do, don't engage

It's a disgusting, cowardly act. I've had it happen to me on several occasions - though not in the last twenty years.
How about taking a photo of the perp in the act so police can identify him? Obviously keeping at a safe distance.

@Champagneforeveryone If I ever happen to come across one, I am resolved to lean a little closer and say "ooh, it looks like a penis only smaller"

I genuinely thought I would too, until it happened to me. Railway underpass and flashed by a heavily built and intimidating man (who started wanking too). I was a confident and articulate woman but I was terrified and felt completely vulnerable. There was such an air of threat from him. I scarpered without any further harm but I can instantly visualise the scene even now many years later.

I went to a girls school and we had a regular flasher, who used to appear at the far end of the grounds where he would emerge from the bushes. As we were generally in small groups it wasn't particularly scary, but once we reported it the local police spent some time looking like groundsmen and eventually caught him.

I also used to play down a country walk that was once a railway train track.. once day I was walking home with a friend and a man jumped out and started wanking in front of us. I was too shocked to say anything but my somewhat mouthier friend gave him the most withering stare and simply said ' Is that IT?!' and he wilted and ran off! We reported it and had to give a statement to the police. When asked to describe him my friend said... 'sorry I wasn't looking at his face!'

Thankfully I haven't come across any since my teens!

I was 12 when it first happened to me, it was an oldish man who cornered me and leered at me jiggling it at me. Next time I was 16 walking to school and a guy was waiting down an alley way for me although younger maybe in thirties that time. Next time was in the office when i was 21 when a co worker got it out and flashed me inches from my face when we were only two in. ... So yeah I found that all a bit offence.

I should add I since trained heavilyily in martial arts and would not hesitate to kick and charge them now. But back then as I young and scared. Alas no one has flashed me for years I guess I'm not as underage looking as I used to be 🤔

I was flashed at when I was 11. The man whistled to get my attention and pointed at his penis, smirking at me. I will never forget his face. I had to answer questions at the police station that I didn't understand, like "was his thing sticking up?".

Now I have an 11 year old DD, if someone did that to her I would want to kill them.

It happened to me - and a lot of the other foreign girls - when I studied abroad. It seemed to happen most to those of us that looked obviously not local, we assumed because as young girls abroad, we were seen as more vulnerable. It was walking to a friend’s place one night and some man ran out of a bit of wasteland at me and exposed himself - my instinctive reaction was to ignore him and keep walking, which fortunately seemed to throw him as he slunk off. I’ve never leaned on a doorbell so hard as I did when I got to my friend’s house though. One girl was chased into her apartment building by a man who then pressed himself up against the glass door - she was so scared.

I don’t know how I’d react now if it happened, I also run alone in the woods and love it. But it would alarm me to experience this, especially in an isolated area.

In my experience, there are a lot of wankers at bus stops.

I have seen 2 flashers, once as a 12 year old girl walking home from school with an older friend. Young, physically fit man.

The second in my twenties, walking to the local shop on a quiet Sunday morning, a man in a nice car wearing a suit asked me for directions, as a way to get me near his car..

Both times I felt utterly panicked. I didn’t have my mobile the second time and had to walk/run back through the empty streets utterly terrified he would come back and try and drag me into his car.

I am usually quite a confident person, but I was utterly terrified. After the second incident I stopped leaving my flat alone, and ended up on anxiety medication

I think it’s concerning the attitudes of some women on here that think flashing is exaggerated or even an urban myth.
Im 28 and I’ve been flashed 4 times in my life.
The first time was when I was 12, I was walking home from school (local girls school) he jumped out from the bushes onto the path in front of me, blocking my route and exposed his penis. I froze, I didn’t know whether to turn around and run the other way, try and run past him or just stay still. Luckily he ended up running away.

The second time I was 16 and it was in the local bus station. I was on my way home from college and it was dark (probably only 6pm but it was winter) and a man sat next to me on the bench, stared at me (I could see him out of the corner of my eye but I kept staring forwards and had my headphones in) he pulled out his penis and started masturbating whilst staring at me. His jacket was partially covering him so that others sat opposite wouldn’t necessarily notice but it was clearly exposed towards me. I stood up and walked to the other end of the bus station. It wasn’t empty it was very busy. Nobody helped me or asked if I was ok, even though it was clear what had happened.

The third time I was 25, I had my newborn DS in his pram, I was walking home from my local supermarket which was just at the top of my road, a youngish man who was in running gear jumped out just opposite me an pulled out his penis, luckily he wasn’t blocking my path so I just ignored him, kept my head down and kept walking.

The fourth time I was 27 and was on the tube around Barons Court and the tube carriage was empty, a middle aged guy with a big pot belly in a suit sat down opposite me and started trying to make eye contact with me and smiling, I had my phone out and headphones on so pretended I was oblivious, he then masturbating. I stood up and stood next to the doors down the far end of the carriage and then when the tube eventually stopped I got off at the next stop even though I needed to go further. I was petrified he would follow me off the tube but he didn’t.

They are just the times I have been flashed not counting the many many other times I have been groped and sexually assaulted.
I am usually a bolshy, confident women not a shy wallflower and I still froze, it’s not so much the flashing in itself it’s the thought of what is going to happen next. Are they going to follow me, rape me, sexually assault me etc.
I’m not saying you should change your behaviour or routes but don’t shit on other women’s experiences saying that they are exaggerating. That’s just victim shaming to ask for proof etc.

I'm not fussed about nakedness. I have been on a nudist beach and felt moderate embarrasement but got over it quite quickly and you get used to it. There is something comical/vulnerable about completely naked men (and all people actually), That is completely different to a man exposing his genitals deliberately, especially if its in a secluded area. It feels much more targetted, more violating and more threatening/dangerous.

I was flashed at when I was 22, on a fairly busy city underpass! I was very shaken and reported it to the police straight away. They took it very seriously, in fact picked me up in a police car and we circled the area so I could identify him and they arrested him whilst I was in the car.

In my local area more recently, there was a serial flasher who visited the residential home for the elderly weekly to expose himself. This went on for months until he was finally caught, terrifying many of the female staff in the process.

It is not harmless behaviour and definitely not an urban myth.

Here is one of many, many well known horrible criminals who started life as a flasher - (oddly enough that isn’t mentioned here but it is well documented elsewhere, again another nod to the fact that flashing isn’t taken seriously)! This man went on to rape women in front of their children either whilst they walked in parks or in their own homes and then it escalated into the murder of Rachel Nickell and then another young mother and her 4 year old daughter.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Napper

We all need to be taking flashing very seriously - some of the comments on this thread are very worrying.

Its also very interesting that in almost all these stories the recipients were vulnerable in some way - pregnant, in a wheelchair, old, very young, alone, children or some combination. I genuinely hope the creeps accidentally flash a dog-walker and get their bits savaged by a rotweiler.