Can anyone explain flashing to me?

[Shinylikeglass]

I run in our local woods, often on my own, there's no peace like it.

From time to time, running friends, will warn lone female runners that a flasher is operating in them there woods. TBH, I'm never sure if it's actually true and whilst I agree it's off and probably traumatic in the moment to come across a flasher, I'm not sure what's so dangerous that I should stop doing the thing I love most in the world, just in case I come across him?

Or does "flasher" mean something other than just showing off his bits?

I've experienced this twice. Once as a kid, by an old man, actually in a dirty raincoat, from a few feet away. I was slightly shocked but also found it an amusing tale to tell mates. Once as an adult by someone much younger and stronger who made a point of getting up very close and personal and grinning in my face. That scared the shit out of me.

I can't see why you wouldn't want to be made aware. It's entirely up to you what you choose to do about it.

I've been flashed at and it was a horrible experience. I regularly go on long walks alone in woodland with a dog and have run miles through woods in the past.

So yes, flashers are real but no I wouldn't and haven't changed my behaviour but I don't live anywhere near the place I was flashed at.

I think calling your local police station and asking if the rumours have any substance is a good idea.

I'm as lairy as they come but I froze after coming across a flasher on the beach. You never know how you will react in the moment and your reaction will change depending on the day/time/present company /what's going on in your life, etc.

I did eventually recover and chased him down and threw rocks at him. Nasty little shit.

Sexual harassment often escalates without intervention - when an offender feels comfortable with their act such that they’re not getting the same pleasure from it, they will often assault and then rape women. Some even kill.

Some examples of this are Colin Pitchfork, who raped and murdered two girls; Amos Vyras, who finally killed his last victim and dumped her body in a children’s playground; and Delroy Grant, who escalated to the rape of multiple elderly women.

I’m glad you’ve lived to 50 without being flashed at, that’s very fortunate. But please don’t use your anecdotal experience to limit the expression of fear and disgust women who do experience this have. From the three examples I provided, it’s clear that the escalation can impact any woman - and sadly, we are never truly safe from these threats. Sometimes they flash for a decade before escalation, others stop as they mature. But some will assault, rape and murder; which is what your friends want to protect you from. They sound like good people!

It's worth remembering that these are the type of men who are desperate for organisations to remove single sex spaces. Why wait in a cold windy outdoor space when Marks and Spencers will openly invite you in to changing rooms where women are trying on bras and lingerie

It van be very disconcerting though .Where I walk my dog in the woods,there have been many reportings of things like this .TBH I dont very often walk away from the path by myself .Once a guy jumped out at me and scared me (maybe not on purpose ,dont know.) Another time a guy just standing there no dog ,phone or fag on!Police were called and PCSO had a word with them .Worrying I think

I was in a busy train station in France with my (then) 13 year old ds and a horrible man flashed us. He had no shame and there were loads of people around too!! Probably owing to the fact that I had ds with me, I saw red and started yelling at him, and I loudly shouting about what he had just done - basically just trying to attract attention. I was so angry at his disgusting smirking face, how fucking dare he. He quickly started walking off but everyone was looking at him. I don't know if anyone understood me as I was shouting in English. If we weren't late for our train, I think I would have followed him while shouting until we saw a police/security officer.

If I wasn't so emboldened by having my ds to "protect" or by having lots of people around me, I think it would have been a much more frightening experience.

It most certainly isn't an urban myth. As a keen rider, I was, like many other teenage girls, a prime target for flashers. I even had one chase me once, which was alarming, but a bit futile as I was on a horse. Later, as a police officer, I had the pleasure of arresting a couple of them. One had been doing it for months, so I was set up, on quiet days, as a bait for him. Yes, we got him eventually. He was young, strong, clean and ordinary looking, not a dirty old man in a raincoat. As an offence it is taken very seriously by police.
It is never a good idea to engage a flasher in conversation, even to make sarky comments, because they can see this as a come on - you are, after all, acknowledging them.
A lot of people who are flashed at won't go to court to give evidence because they are too embarrassed, which is a shame.

Got flashed at a couple of times in the past. The first time I was quite scared because of the man’s demeanour and I thought he might chase after me so I ran off. The second time something disturbed the man and he left sharpish.

Talking to my friends about it the first time they were very amused and went to tell everyone. It even came back to me as gossip, someone said “did you hear, one of the girls got flashed at (location)!” People think it’s hilarious.

A police friend of the family I told said that it seems harmless but it’s not because the men who do this can escalate their behaviour over time as flashing is no longer “enough”.

Sorry to return to this, but I am very annoyed.

Forty years in from when this happened to me and I can remember every single emotion I felt that day; the humiliation I felt the next day being interviewed by police officers (who took it very seriously).

And I’ve remembered my own daughter’s experience when walking home from school, and an old man told her she had lovely long legs, which would look lovely wrapped around his neck.

Men can be inappropriate, vile and dangerous.

And yet some people on this thread are calling out the women who report it and “make a fuss”.

I’ve been flashed at about 6 or 7 times. Twice in one weekend as a geeky teen in a particular French city. I wouldn’t change my behaviour over it.

Those saying they would make a witty wisecrack and laugh have obviously never been flashed at 🙄. It pretty horrible as previous posters eloquently explained. All the times I was flashed at I was under 21 thinking about it 🙄

@Reedwarbler

It most certainly isn't an urban myth. As a keen rider, I was, like many other teenage girls, a prime target for flashers. I even had one chase me once, which was alarming, but a bit futile as I was on a horse. Later, as a police officer, I had the pleasure of arresting a couple of them. One had been doing it for months, so I was set up, on quiet days, as a bait for him. Yes, we got him eventually. He was young, strong, clean and ordinary looking, not a dirty old man in a raincoat. As an offence it is taken very seriously by police. It is never a good idea to engage a flasher in conversation, even to make sarky comments, because they can see this as a come on - you are, after all, acknowledging them. A lot of people who are flashed at won't go to court to give evidence because they are too embarrassed, which is a shame.

I've been a horse-rider since childhood and agree that we are a target for flashers. I've been flashed at several times whilst out riding. Sometimes it's felt amusing and non-threatening, other times it's felt very intimidating and scary.

I’ve been flashed at twice. Once I was in quite remote countryside as a teenager but crucially I wasn’t alone and also we were both on horses (and very capable riders who would have felt confident to jump the hedge into a neighbouring field if needed). It was daylight but I wasn’t overly observant and it was only because the person I was out with (who was a few years older) called him out and laughed at him.

The second time I was alone and it was in a park in the middle of the city centre. I was at uni and walking home around 2am. The man was openly masturbating near the entrance gate alongside the main path but couldn’t be seen until you were right beside him. He was young and muscular. I ran home and it gave me the sense to not take risks by walking home alone in the dark again.

I was flashed once as a student in Manchester - my first reaction was to laugh as he looked so ridiculous so I did. He scuttled away into the bushes like the lowlife he was and I admit I've barely given it a thought since until this thread reminded me.

I'm not easily intimidated though and was living in a notorious area of Manchester. I found the persistent curb crawlers far more threatening.

People always think they have an idea of how they would behave in these types of situations. They are shockingly naive.

It’s the same when you hear people say stuff like “if someone tried to mug me I would fight back” etc

With regards to flashers being “harmless” etc that some pp have suggested. The man that was jailed for following me home and sexually assaulting me (and many other women) started off as a flasher.

I'm not easily intimidated though

Nice bit of victim blaming there.

Also in our area a "drive by flasher" exposed himself to 2 elderly ladies walking by the beach on the cliff top! I think that these sorts of incidents are alarmingly common sadly .Also "Drive By Flasher " sounds like something from a comedy sketch but is anything but .Needs to be taken much more seriously IMO

I agree that you think you'll use a witty put-me-down and find it pathetic but in reality you feel extremely vulnerable and suddenly realise that if this particular flasher chooses today to escalate their activity you are very much in danger.

It's that threat that is traumatising.

And flashers / peeping toms often do escalate their behaviour over time to much, much more dangerous crimes against women.

My understanding is often a “gateway” to more serious sexual offences. It’s really not funny. Actually it needs a new word.

@Turtleturtle81 I agree.

I have probably experienced more than my fair share of this behavior. Going forwards I am trying to think of strategies and ideas to deal with it.

So far, I now carry a whistle - and just blow it repeatedly. It didn’t distract one chap openly flashing nearby, but I did help alert a young teenage girl on a cliff who turned back when I indicated a similar offending man just ahead of her on the path.

In the same area, another strategy with my friend is to sit a slight distance apart (on the beach/cliffs) with different coloured beach towel - so strangers who approach can’t discern whether you are two separate individuals or there together.

In one case a known repeat offender was approaching me at speed in a confined space with no escape, so I got my friend to “pose” quickly and pretended I was taking friends photo - just as the offender walked into my shot. The offender now knows that I have evidence of him on screen.

Another was openly handling himself just feet in front of me. I had always assumed I would be the one to laugh and point - but as other writers say upthread - I was just frozen to the spot, unable to move, unable to do anything.

Sometimes I take to wearing military camoprint accessories - just as a deterrent, and try and look authoratitive.

And in extremis when feeling threatened (not to impersonate a police officer) I have had to say something like “If I was on duty now we would be taking this further”, and in a European country have also had to get out of a situation by saying “I am Polis”

Other useful suggestions would be helpful...

I went to school on the outskirts of London and we were regularly flashed while playing sport. Our pitches had a public footpath nearby and men used to flash, or wank at us. 11 year old girls playing rounders.

It happened all the time.

Also, school uniforms on the tube used to bring them out too. I am not sure how many times but often.

It was the 80s though and we were told to ignore it, not report it and we always felt a bit as if we had been somehow asking for it.

I know better now and I would be horrified if DD had to witness similar today.

Just bear in mind that, however tempting, making comments like "Ooh, look: it's like a teeny weeny little version of a penis!" is exactly what some of them want

I agree and making a joke of it is distasteful- it is not funny.

I feel some of the responses are quite worrying, suggesting we should disbelieve women who experience this.

The intimidating thing about this form of sexual indecency is that the perpetrator has already shown his willingness to cross the boundaries of normal, decent conduct - so who is to say he won't attack you, that is where the fear comes from.

Have a look at this police released footage taken in park in broad daylight recently. The guy is yet to be caught. Flashing is another form of sexual harassment and attack.

Why wouldn't you want to be warned?