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Original poster

My husband just told me he hates Mumsnet and what it does to me.

154 replies

Seagrassorchid · 27/10/2020 22:48

As the title says really, I just settled into bed and my husband came up to tell me something, he happened to look at my laptop screen and asked if I was on Mumsnet. I replied yes and he told me he hated it. When asked why, he said 'that he hates what it does to me'. I asked what he meant by that and he said I project from what I read on here.

I didn't really know how to respond because he's never mentioned Mumsnet before now so I just said well they are real issues that happen to real people and I wasn't aware I was projecting (not really sure what he means by that).

I only really pop on Mumsnet in the evening whilst in bed so it's not like I spend an excessive amount of time here. has anybody else felt Mumsnet contributes to thoughts and feelings that pertain to their own lives and relationships and acted or judged situations based on subjects they read on here?

OP posts:
merryhouse · 27/10/2020 22:53

He needs to give you specific examples. Do you maybe get snappy about expectations over laundry? Do you start feeling entitled to an equal voice in financial decisions? Do you stop putting up with shit treatment? - or do you snarl around fumming over the neighbours' loo brushes or start coveting other people's weddings?

gamerchick · 27/10/2020 22:55

What does he mean though? Did you ask?

LittleBearPad · 27/10/2020 22:58

Yes, it’s made me think harder about some things. Hiding the relationships board was a good call though.

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Families
FredaFrogspawn · 27/10/2020 22:58

Odd thing to say. Maybe he’s scared we could persuade you to call him out on some poor behaviour.

Alexandernevermind · 27/10/2020 22:58

Ha ha ha @merryhouse. @Seagrassorchid perhaps you say "no is a complete sentence too often". Seriously though, does he generally dislike women with opinions?

HotToCold · 27/10/2020 22:58

I often relate to mumsnet in conversations with my partner
‘Someone on mumsnet said, blah blah

Weve clearly run out of topics of conversation. But to be fair, weve been shielding since March , its been a long 7 and a half months...

OP.... You need to ask him what he meant

GirlCrush · 27/10/2020 22:59

ahhh i see

think back to any recent arguments which he may have lost.....then cross reference in aibu or wherever you spend most time

you'll see a pattern

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 27/10/2020 22:59

I (apparently) get personally affronted sometimes and start blaming him passively aggressively for other men being shit. To be fair he's not wrong. However sometimes he'll say "aren't you lucky you have me" and I'll see red. Let's not set the bar as fucking low as people who are compelled to start a thread on the shit show that is their husbands contribution.

Juniperandrage · 27/10/2020 23:01

LTB, obviously Grin

Smellbellina · 27/10/2020 23:01

No but I have an ex who hated what MN ‘did to me’, I am eternally grateful to MN!

Original poster
Seagrassorchid · 27/10/2020 23:03

well, I think I'm pretty laid back actually. wouldn't consider myself to be particularly naggy. although the neighbours across from us really do have the most awful coloured blinds, maybe mentioning the awful red and yellow was a step too far!

The only thing I can think of is when I've read about an affair and the wife suspected nothing etc and how bloody horrible some people are.

OP posts:
FairFridaythe13th · 27/10/2020 23:04

I’d pick up a copy of the socialst workers party gazette (or whatever) next time you are out and sit in bed with that, muttering about the imperialist running dogs and enemies of the people (wearing your little blue PJs).

Keeping2ChevronsApart · 27/10/2020 23:09

@HotToCold

I often relate to mumsnet in conversations with my partner ‘Someone on mumsnet said, blah blah

Weve clearly run out of topics of conversation. But to be fair, weve been shielding since March , its been a long 7 and a half months...

OP.... You need to ask him what he meant

Same here! OP learned what virtue signalling means today, he'd never heard of it (neither had I before here) 😀
Original poster
Seagrassorchid · 27/10/2020 23:10

@FairFridaythe13th

I love this suggestion.

OP posts:
Guineapigbridge · 27/10/2020 23:13

The Relationships board is toxic, in my view. Been here a long time (16 years or so) and that board is more toxic than ever. No forgiveness for any of men's minor shortcomings and a large dose of entitlement. I don't read it now Andi would not send anyone there for advice.

Original poster
Seagrassorchid · 27/10/2020 23:16

@Guineapigbridge

I completely agree. I find most of the advice awful with little to no consideration for the absolute shitstorm that could ensue due to poor advice and echo chambering.

OP posts:
Flittingaboutagain · 27/10/2020 23:19

My first thought was it's a major buzzkill for connecting to each other if your routine every night is bed then Mumsnet...do you feel close, like you have a good connection as a couple?

AliasGrape · 27/10/2020 23:25

Whenever I mention Mumsnet to DH he says ‘ahh yes I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that subversive site, I’m concerned it’s been giving you ideas and I won’t stand for it’ or something on those lines anyway.

He’s very much joking obviously, but on the other hand I think maybe I am sometimes a little more ranty and zero tolerance for any nonsense after I’ve read a few threads on here where the ‘DP’ is a twat, so perhaps I do project?

Can yours give you an example of when you’ve supposedly done this ‘projecting’?

RB68 · 27/10/2020 23:25

thing is how does he know if he doesn't read it....

HoldingForGeneralHugs · 27/10/2020 23:29

My husband said the same thing to me! Said i get argumentative 😂

He did say for my sanity would i stop opening the threads that are going to annoy me...... i mean he might have a point but i wont tell him that 😂

Phrowzunn · 27/10/2020 23:34

Haha yes since I’ve discovered mumsnet, DH has definitely taken a (lighthearted) dislike to it. I tell him his shit way of loading the dishwasher is ‘strategic incompetence’ and if I can’t remember something I tell him he is ‘gaslighting’ me. He rolls his eyes in a ‘bloody mumsnet’ way. On a more serious note, I do think some of it is quite toxic and some posters are hell bent on trying to convince you that men cannot be trusted and you should absolutely not be reliant on them in any way and they will cheat on you!!

grassisjeweled · 27/10/2020 23:34

Do you actually discuss at length the content on here though?

I rarely mention it to DH even though he knows I'm on here every night

Mydogmylife · 27/10/2020 23:35

Sometimes if Ive read a particularly harrowing thread in relationships I do have to give myself a bit of a shake to remind myself that all men are not total shits. Obviously that is a simplification and I am in no way dismissing the horrendous problems faced by a scarily large number of women , but it can I think be easy to be swept up in these threads forgetting that people in happy relationships are not posting there. Perhaps this is what your oh means?

Original poster
Seagrassorchid · 27/10/2020 23:36

I just asked him what he meant. Apparently, one time I actually got angry with him over something shit somebody had done (husband) that had similar character traits to him and I suggested he would be capable of the same thing. He must be talking about the affair one.

I'm surprised he even took much notice, I'm almost certain I wouldn't have been 'angry', maybe I questioned him slightly but I wasn't really being serious and this was so long ago.

OP posts:
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 27/10/2020 23:37

@Guineapigbridge

The Relationships board is toxic, in my view. Been here a long time (16 years or so) and that board is more toxic than ever. No forgiveness for any of men's minor shortcomings and a large dose of entitlement. I don't read it now Andi would not send anyone there for advice.
I think the advice on serious situations tends to be excellent. Women experiencing abuse/coercive control etc get sensible advice on how to leave safely, and tonnes of kind support.

Where you get total idiocy is on the threads about minor arguments/issues, where the poster's point of view is assumed to be the gospel truth, and everything her DP has said/done is viewed in the most negative light.