Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My husband just told me he hates Mumsnet and what it does to me.

154 replies

Seagrassorchid · 27/10/2020 22:48

As the title says really, I just settled into bed and my husband came up to tell me something, he happened to look at my laptop screen and asked if I was on Mumsnet. I replied yes and he told me he hated it. When asked why, he said 'that he hates what it does to me'. I asked what he meant by that and he said I project from what I read on here.

I didn't really know how to respond because he's never mentioned Mumsnet before now so I just said well they are real issues that happen to real people and I wasn't aware I was projecting (not really sure what he means by that).

I only really pop on Mumsnet in the evening whilst in bed so it's not like I spend an excessive amount of time here. has anybody else felt Mumsnet contributes to thoughts and feelings that pertain to their own lives and relationships and acted or judged situations based on subjects they read on here?

OP posts:
grapewine · 27/10/2020 23:40

My first thought was that maybe he's annoyed he can't get away with the same behaviour he would otherwise? Having standards is not being naggy. But I'm probably projecting 😉

Milksheik · 27/10/2020 23:47

@Seagrassorchid

I just asked him what he meant. Apparently, one time I actually got angry with him over something shit somebody had done (husband) that had similar character traits to him and I suggested he would be capable of the same thing. He must be talking about the affair one.

I'm surprised he even took much notice, I'm almost certain I wouldn't have been 'angry', maybe I questioned him slightly but I wasn't really being serious and this was so long ago.

Maybe your face looked like this without you realising: Angry Grin
OwlOne · 27/10/2020 23:50

so you're a vessel? and mumsnetters are telling you what to think of him??

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
byebyeboyee · 28/10/2020 00:05

My ex raised it as a reason he cheated on me 😅 fair to say I chose MN all the way.

Nenevalleysigns · 28/10/2020 00:11

Might have been promoted by the TV news article tonight mentioning Mumsnet’s bad parking diagram threads. If he then sought that website out and stumbled on AIBU and the inevitable LTB advice dished out constantly, it could have made him feel nervous!

CoffeeRunner · 28/10/2020 00:14

My bet Is you’ve become a slightly stronger woman since reading & digesting advice.

It’s not a bad thing, and if he thinks it is, then he’s the problem. Not you.

spongedog · 28/10/2020 00:14

I do feel that definitely Mumsnet has helped me enormously to understand trans issues as they impact women. Most (if not pretty much all heterosexual) men seem to be oblivious to the impact on women. That is the last 2-3 years. I am now very vocal to the extent I think it could impact friendships (and I am not sure I care). Funnily enough male gay friendships.

And very definitely advice on abusive relationships is normally spot on because it is women who have been through it who are commenting. The pity for me is that knowledge doesnt seem to be understood by lawyers, CAFCASS or the family courts - where ignorance rules.

I really would be wondering myself, if your DH were mine, just what safe zone of his was being threatened. eg having to pick up more child care, more wifework, defend a friend having an affair, wanting more time for a hobby

Househunter2021 · 28/10/2020 00:29

I’m pretty new to MN but I can say I’ve definitely noticed an effect on myself since being here. It seems to me that a large percentage of people do not live in the real world, are quite toxic and are using this as an outlet for their unhappiness and some of the boards are very unhealthy and unhelpful in their views.

For example, someone posted about her child’s school not accepting packed lunches and the child being disgusted by the school dinners. The overwhelming majority suggested the poor child should suck it up and eat it because life isn’t fair and she should find that out as early as possible. Along with the age old “it didn’t do me any harm” comments. Eh, it clearly did since you’re advocating for the abuse and removing of autonomy from a child.

The overwhelming LTB posts as well 🙈 no foresight, hindsight, open mindedness etc apparent at all.

I’ve never been interested in marriage, I think it’s a big expense that I couldn’t be bothered with and have never wanted to call someone my husband. My partner has already been married (was coerced into it, his ex wife told me this herself) and doesn’t want to get married again. And yet, I’ve read two threads tonight that have got me thinking I should be forcing my partner into marriage to “protect” myself 🤷🏽‍♀️ I don’t even know what from.

It’s possible your husband has noticed a slight change in your demeanour or personality that wouldn’t be perceptible to someone else or even yourself and has linked it to you browsing MN.

slashlover · 28/10/2020 00:29

It depends what he objects to, there can be a bit of a bias. For example, any property owning woman entering marriage is told to protect her assets but a man who made a will leaving his property to their child was called all sorts.

Hiccupiscal · 28/10/2020 00:38

I've not been on here long, but my god, im learning each and every day.
If I had found this place 10 years ago, I am absolutely sure I wouldnt have made such terrible and regretful choices in life.

Real life issues, red flags, somewhere to go for advice and support, realising that its not only you going through hard times- invaluable when SM would have you believe that everyone is happy and picture perfect! .. I like that if needs be, you can be anonymous by NC, and many women do.

Only trouble is ibe found myself spending more and more time here.

DP knows I go on here, has probably looked himself, but I don't think he realises the extent that I come here Blush ..

Do need to try and MN less...!

AmySantiagoNineNine · 28/10/2020 00:48

I'll stand up and be that person that jumps to conclusions and gives nuclear advice etc but it sounds like he's having an affair from your follow up updates. He sounds worried you've recognised his behaviours in posts on here and you'll get good advice on leaving and divorce.

SoulofanAggron · 28/10/2020 00:48

I would see this as a red flag. My ex hated MN too, because it helps women see what's happening in their relationships etc. I think on one level he was worried I would see through his game of using me for sex with the help of MN.

He said 'I feel like I've lost you to Mumsnet' when I stopped shagging him after making a thread here.

Eventually I blocked him as I realized he was a manipulative user.

grisen · 28/10/2020 00:48

I agree with @Househunter2021 this place can be toxic as hell. I’ve tried to elaborate further but she sums it up perfectly. Although the hatred trans people get on here is horrifying!

IndieTara · 28/10/2020 00:49

I went through a marriage break up 8 years ago and really wish I'd been on Mumsnet then. I did absolutely everything wrong and really think the advice I've seen given on here would help me.

SoulofanAggron · 28/10/2020 00:57

It has really helped me and I think it helps a lot of women who are in dodgy relationships.

I also learned about things like the Freedom Programme which I wouldn'tve heard of if it wasn't for MN, and have been doing that.

I was quite clueless (or at least, didn't know what to do/didn't dare put my foot down) with a narcissistic wanker and block him, and so many people were helpful in helping me see what he was upto, and encouraging mee to act.

It's also helped me have a one- or two- strike and they're out policy if I ever date again and they act up/exhibit red flags.

I realized I don't need people/men and it's really boosted my self-esteem when I've blocked ones that are dodgy or the user who didn't treat me well, asserting to myself that I deserve to be treated decently.

Jericoo · 28/10/2020 01:15

Hateful men always have a problem with women having their own spaces

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/10/2020 01:43

It sounds like he thinks you read things on here then extrapolate this is what is happening in your marriage. Either he doesn’t want you to be informed and empowered or you’re easily led. Which is it?

Pyewhacket · 28/10/2020 02:02

If you template some of the utter bollocks on this site onto your husband then I’m not surprised he gets shitty.

Eekay · 28/10/2020 02:34

Sounds like he's feeling threatened. MN might give you ideas. Try reading aloud from the FWR board:)

justilou1 · 28/10/2020 02:37

Aaaaaaaand that’s why I hit him with my laptop, Your Honour!

Thesuzle · 28/10/2020 02:41

Mumsnet has been a complete education for me on just about any subject out there, It has underlined my Feminist leanings, giving voice to feelings and thoughts.
Keep on OP, ask him what he gains from Porn channels !

OwlOne · 28/10/2020 07:36

My x hated mumsnet too but then it makes you notice any inequalities in your relationship. Now why would that be so threatening ...............

Have you really changed?!! Or is he just worried that you're changing, that what you once tolerated without a murmur might have to be ''pushed'' past you now. He'll have to persuade you to accept the inequalities now. (work for him).

PlateTectonics · 28/10/2020 07:42

Mumsnet is a feminist leaning site and it's really rare to find a place on the internet (or IRL) where women have such a strong voice. Some men find that threatening.

Porcupineinwaiting · 28/10/2020 07:54

the hatred trans people get on here is horrifying

Yes all those mouthy women saying "hang on a sec" instead of just being quiet and kind as their safety is compromised and their rights misrepresented and removed. Shocking. Hmm

picklemewalnuts · 28/10/2020 07:59

I know, women should just put up, shut up and shove up in every area of their life- marriage, sport, prison...

I'd keep an eye on him I think.

My husband grumbles about MN, but only because I go on a bit!