My husband just told me he hates Mumsnet and what it does to me.

[Seagrassorchid]

As the title says really, I just settled into bed and my husband came up to tell me something, he happened to look at my laptop screen and asked if I was on Mumsnet. I replied yes and he told me he hated it. When asked why, he said 'that he hates what it does to me'. I asked what he meant by that and he said I project from what I read on here.

I didn't really know how to respond because he's never mentioned Mumsnet before now so I just said well they are real issues that happen to real people and I wasn't aware I was projecting (not really sure what he means by that).

I only really pop on Mumsnet in the evening whilst in bed so it's not like I spend an excessive amount of time here. has anybody else felt Mumsnet contributes to thoughts and feelings that pertain to their own lives and relationships and acted or judged situations based on subjects they read on here?

@ShizeItsWeegie

I’m being serious. None of this occurred to me before I signed up to MN.

Is it really essential to be married to have all the legal protections or whatever it is? Or could my partner just state on his official documents that I’m his next of kin? He’s not close to his family and he has no assets to speak of. When we buy our house (hopefully in the new year) both our names will be on the mortgage. And when I qualify in my profession next year, I should be making significantly more than him. We already split everything pretty much 50/50, although we currently live in my HA flat.

A family member of mine has been separated from their spouse for well over 20 years. The spouse has been with their partner for those 20 odd years but because they’re technically still married apparently my family member can claim the spouses pension, which to me isn’t right.

I would prefer to buy a house with my DP, have a joint account for joint expense and also keep our own accounts for individual money. Have documents detailing that we’re each other’s next of kin etc. I don’t know the ins and outs of all this but I don’t think we should have to be married to be committed to a life together.

[quote Worriedwoman36]@ShizeItsWeegie

I’m being serious. None of this occurred to me before I signed up to MN.

Is it really essential to be married to have all the legal protections or whatever it is? Or could my partner just state on his official documents that I’m his next of kin? He’s not close to his family and he has no assets to speak of. When we buy our house (hopefully in the new year) both our names will be on the mortgage. And when I qualify in my profession next year, I should be making significantly more than him. We already split everything pretty much 50/50, although we currently live in my HA flat.

A family member of mine has been separated from their spouse for well over 20 years. The spouse has been with their partner for those 20 odd years but because they’re technically still married apparently my family member can claim the spouses pension, which to me isn’t right.

I would prefer to buy a house with my DP, have a joint account for joint expense and also keep our own accounts for individual money. Have documents detailing that we’re each other’s next of kin etc. I don’t know the ins and outs of all this but I don’t think we should have to be married to be committed to a life together.[/quote]
You can go to a solicitor and make arrangements to protect yourselves. Buts it’s a lot easier and cheaper to get married. You’ll also benefit from IHT allowances if you’re married.

I think you can name someone else as nok but it's of dubious value. Things like pensions and finances tend to have their specific definitions and would default to wife even if separated. It's important to make a will stating your wishes and if your in a pension scheme keeping the administrators updated with your status. Next of kin tends to be who to notify in event of any problems. Even if you have expressed a non default next of kin the emergency services may not know about it so notify husband/wife/relative

worriedwoman36

As I understand it this is one of the reasons civil ceremonies were brought in. So there isn't necessarily the romantic side of it but it changes your status in law. A downside to consider though is if you have more assets than DP or you are possibly going to earn more, if you divorce you could end up paying him as it cuts both ways but in general and especially where DC are in the mix the woman is always better being a wife. You have say over things like donation of organs and finances. Insurance payments change, you can pass some of your tax liability over and stuff like that.

When I met my now DH we got married really quickly because he was going to retire early on a good pension and if we got married before he retired, I would be entitled to a proportion of it in the event of his death. We both had fairly equal assets at the time and we drew up an agreement that if we separated we would each keep what we brought to the marriage. I'm pretty sure it was not fully enforceable in law but it would have shown intent. As it goes we are still together after 21 years. I was crapping myself when we got married so soon after meeting although I knew I really liked him. I felt I wasn't taking too much of a risk though as I had that document. He has benefitted from my assets in the early part of the marriage and I have benefitted from his in the latter part. I don' even think about it now. I am glad I married him. I didn't get married until I was forty but it has definitely been the right thing for me.