My husband just told me he hates Mumsnet and what it does to me.

[Seagrassorchid]

As the title says really, I just settled into bed and my husband came up to tell me something, he happened to look at my laptop screen and asked if I was on Mumsnet. I replied yes and he told me he hated it. When asked why, he said 'that he hates what it does to me'. I asked what he meant by that and he said I project from what I read on here.

I didn't really know how to respond because he's never mentioned Mumsnet before now so I just said well they are real issues that happen to real people and I wasn't aware I was projecting (not really sure what he means by that).

I only really pop on Mumsnet in the evening whilst in bed so it's not like I spend an excessive amount of time here. has anybody else felt Mumsnet contributes to thoughts and feelings that pertain to their own lives and relationships and acted or judged situations based on subjects they read on here?

Mine said something similar a couple of years ago. I told him to sod off, this is a space I can talk about things I can't in real life. He looked hurt and asked me what it was I wanted to talk about that I felt he wouldn't or couldn't hear!

Bad points: He is now convinced that MN poisons my thinking in some areas
Good points: we get to discuss the who women's rights/trans topic without much misundertsanding

As the former is now something of a tongue in cheek joke and the latter soemthing he had been thinking about but couldn't verbalise I think it's OK!

My husband just told me he hates Mumsnet

LTB
He's obviously having an affair
Check all your finances

Just thought I'd add a few standard MN responses

"Is it a book that you would even wish your wife or your servants to read?"

I hope, OP that you are not actually asking whether your husband has a right to decide what you read?

The fact that he believes he has such a right is extremely worrying.

I'm very wary of men saying they hate Mumsnet. It's nearly always because they know that women discussing the behaviour of men might open their eyes to the fact that they don't have to put up with poor treatment.

I do agree there can be a lot of projecting and not all advice is helpful advice. On the other hand, a lot of women live with a lot of low level unhappiness because they are married to men who just opt out of things like housework and taking the kids to their swimming lessons and arranging the car insurance. And the women are exhausted by it. It always makes me sad to see people say that these are minor issues that women should just put up with if he's otherwise a decent man, and that women are being egged on to end happy marriages. It's not a happy marriage unless both parties are happy. If he's decent, he'd be willing to step up and share the load. If he's not willing to, then he's not decent at all, even if he does remember your birthday and would never dream of depriving you of money or whatever.

@Seagrassorchid

Do you expect him not to:

A) flush the toilet
B) climb out of the window in the morning rather than using the front door

when heading off to work so the noise doesn't disturb you and PFB?

If not, I'd say he's BU.

Mumsnet has given me a huge insight into problems, and a whole new outlook on life .I am normally on here rather than Relationships TBH .but have found mostly that people are generally kind ,interested and supportive .Obviously RL friends are too as well ,but because this is an anonymous site you can generally be frank and open in a way that you wouldnt necessarily be in RL.

My DP refers to MN as Banshee.com! I agree some of the LTB stuff is very extreme, but I've found the boards such a helpful resource during pregnancy. I just have to remember to say vaguely that I read "somewhere" rather than reference MN when I want him to take on board the pearls of wisdom I get from you ladies!

@Runningdownthathill

My first thought was that being on your laptop in bed doesn’t sound great for your relationship or your own well-being. Maybe that’s what he objects to? The amount of time you spend on it rather than on real human interaction? I don’t think being on this site is particularly good for well being generally really. It presents a pretty bleak view of life and people on the relationships threads. Men can all seem lazy selfish and addicted to porn for one thing. I’m not sure whether I am just very sheltered or whether this is a true representation of life. It is extremely depressing to read about though and doesn’t make me feel good.

Every forum, social media and news site I read makes men seem lazy, selfish and addicted to porn. Especially male oriented forums! Mumsnet actually has quite a high percentage of people sticking up for men, male oriented forums all try and stick up for the man in the situation but in doing so show that they are lazy, selfish and addicted to porn as well. I've deleted all my social media and limit my time on forums and online newspapers and downloaded many more games etc instead. No games with a message function though because of the sexual harassment I got on them when I did which

Do you get worked up about parking issues and log EVERYTHING with the police “just in case”? If so, he might have a point.

My husband did once say that he thought Mumsnet was all 'women moaning about men'. I asked him if he thought I was on here moaning about him, and if so, why? Because if he thought he was doing something that would wind me up so much that I would vent to strangers on the internet about it, then he must know himself that he's doing something that I find upsets, yet still choosing to do it. He couldn't think of anything, which was fair enough, because I have never had cause to moan about him on Mumsnet. But I did manage to explain to him that if other women are upset by how their partners treat them, they have every right to say so. He accepted my point and conceded that he was being unfair.

If a man doesn't want to be moaned about on Mumsnet, it's easy to avoid. Unless his ego is so frail that he can't even tolerate the light-hearted 'I load the dishwasher this way and he does it that way' discussions.

Tbh i think this thread fully illustrates why he hates mn.

Mn can be a fun and interesting site with lots of helpful info and hand holding as well as some interesting debates. However its also full of toxic weirdos who are the screaming harpies of the internet hell bent on making everything a red flag.

This is not a feminist issue ffs. I know loads of people who hate mumsnet. Both my dm and my dp hate me mentioning mumsnet because im usually moaning about some complete fucking idiocy i have read on here

As they say, when you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.

For men used to being in a position of 'privilege' at home, picking and choosing what they will deign to do to 'help' and expecting to be lauded for it, being called out for it instead and being asked to do their fair share at home feels like a step down.

Wonder how many men who've complained about MN are currently 'privileged' and being asked to give it up and do their share.

Calling people screaming harpies is pretty much the definition of a feminist issue.

This is not a feminist issue ffs

aye, right

My DP refers to MN as Banshee.com!

How droll.

I thought it was the vipers MN is known for.

My ex didn't like me reading MN. Apparently I wouldn't have left the abusive wanker if I hadn't...

And yes, reading loads of threads on MN did open my eyes to the emotional, verbal, financial and sexual abuse I was suffering. It's only recently I've even begun to acknowledge the sexual abuse as I didn't want to even think about it. A couple of times it was rape, something I just couldn't face acknowledging before. It's been 3-4 years since I left. I'm so grateful to MN for the support I had then.

Still, am surprised that my desire to read and occasionally join in with discussions about The Archers on MN could engender 'hate'.

I suspect your DP has little idea of all that goes on here

Not surprised he's not happy with it if you asked him about cheating on you based off some strangers post, that's not very nice.

I definitely think these sorts of forums need to be viewed in moderation because it just gets you all worked up about everything. If I've read 10 threads today about struggling mums with lazy as fuck husbands, and my (otherwise amazing) boyfriend doesn't do the washing up I'm suddenly way more angry than I should be. Like attracts like and if you're constantly reading and speaking about negative things it can make you quite a negative person, even if you don't realise it.

Also the absolutlely ridiculous comments on this thread suggesting your husbands cheating on you, that's he hates women, is scared of pulling his own weight etc. etc. just shows his point no?

I haven’t RTFT but I want to say that my partner doesn’t like mumsnet for that reason too. It makes me worry about problems that don’t affect me/us.
I actually agree with him but I have anxiety and therefore have to be careful what I expose myself to as I will worry about the potential rather the reality of problems.

Its really not . This place often gives feminists a bad name. Not everything is a feminist issue and this is most definitely something thats not. Imagine all the problems women face and you are hung up on being called a screaming harpy on a site famed for hating men. Mn is very sexist towards men at every turn. Threads accusing a man of being inappropriate because he used a childs chosen nickname. Threads where women are told to not put men on the birth certificates even if they havent done anything wrong. Threads where women are told to ltb because he didnt put his socks away for 2 days. Threads where women expect all a mans money in his will but she is told to leave everything to her children. Its very over the top and yet screaming harpies is where you draw the line.

MN is an odd place tbf. I find some of the advice utterly ridiculous, and some posters seem to just want to put the boot in.

Inbetween all that though theres some pretty solid advice about things.

You DO need to sort of develop a MN filter to discount the utter bollocks thats spouted sometimes.

Mumsnet hasn't changed my view on things exactly but it has helped me articulate things that perhaps were kind of whirling about in my head in a haze of 'this doesn't feel right and I don't like it' mostly around the mental load. There was a point when the DC were around 2 and 4 where I had a couple of months where everything felt intolerable - the amount of random shit that needed remembering, none of it rocket science and yet somehow, apparently, all down to me despite us both working outside the home was overwhelming. It felt churlish to moan about it because it was just some money for a bake sale here, just booking a parents evening at nursery there, but then I stumbled across something here that explained it in a way that made a lot of sense and which helped me articulate to DH why I was feeling so frazzled and pissed off.

A case in point

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4062942-SAHM-could-you-live-off-this-amount-of?msgid=101237230

There’s one post by the OP. She’s already been told she’s being financially abused and to divorce her husband.

Screaming harpies is a sex based insult. So it's a feminist issue. This site only has a 'bad name for feminists' because people don't want to believe that ordinary women, the ones raising children and holding down jobs and buying shoes and booking holidays, and sharing jokes might have feminist views.

I don't see feminists as hating men. The people who hate men are the ones who infantilise them as pathetic children who don't know how to put their socks away and who simply can't help themselves from cheating if a pretty lady smiles at them. Those are the men haters.

My ex h hated Mumsnet. He felt jealous and excluded and that it took too much of my attention at the expense of our relationship. He actually cited it as a problem in our divorce papers