Your most 'Wtf?' Parenting moments

[herewegoagain20]

I've just found myself pondering wtf has happened to my life as I stand here washing a sausage for my 3 yo.

No, that's not a euphemism- I'm literally washing a cooked sausage under the tap. I used all the sausages in a lentil casserole, forgetting my picky eater won't eat it, so I've plucked one out and am hoping he won't notice the difference (unlikely).

I could do with a laugh today so let's hear those funny stories when you can't help but think 'wtf am I doing'?!

When I found myself sitting on the floor of the downstairs loo, making up a cheery song about poohing to try and get DS to perform... I used to have a job, you know. I gave presentations and everything!

I let my DS add his own pepper to his pasta once then spent 10 minutes scraping pepper off pasta...I hear you!

DD1 used to eat trout but not salmon. Sometimes I would forget and serve salmon....
Which was returned to the kitchen straight away and miraculously emerged as "trout" minutes later!

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff

DD1 used to eat trout but not salmon. Sometimes I would forget and serve salmon.... Which was returned to the kitchen straight away and miraculously emerged as "trout" minutes later!

My brother used to only eat kippers. My rich and weird grandparents would send us a hamper of impractical weird fancy food every Christmas and my dad would fry up the smoked salmon and call it Christmas kipper. He'd never have eaten it if he knew it was another type of fish.

Individually peeling grapes. Wtf, why did I do that.

Last night I put my heated blanket on DD5 bed so her bed would be warm when she got in.

She's just taken over my McDonald's milkshake

Disinfecting every single stair after DS took a wrong turn while sleep walking to the toilet...

The poo painting stage my DD went through.

Scrubbing diarrhoea out of a pale blue carpet, on my hands & knees scrubbing.

My son only used to eat ‘ chicken’
One time he was eating fish and commented how nice the chicken was , a visitor went to correct him and got a quick kick to the shin under the table
It was chicken even if it looked like fish 😂

Squeezing DD's head (hands over ears and squeezing gently...) because if you squeeze your head it obviously helps you poo! She is now 11 and doesn't request head squeezing any more.

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff

DD1 used to eat trout but not salmon. Sometimes I would forget and serve salmon.... Which was returned to the kitchen straight away and miraculously emerged as "trout" minutes later!

My DD1 loved turkey dinosaurs and wouldn't entertain another variation of turkey or chicken so chicken Kiev's were rebranded as "turkey dinosaur eggs" to get her to eat them.

My daughter was once constipated so I held her hand while she pooped because it hurt her. I now have to hold her hand every time she poos 🤦🏼‍♀️

The tone of surprise and gratitude when I said "thank you for doing what mummy asked you" this morning said a lot (2.5 year old)...

Our dc were all very late to be dry at night, and all the boys went through an...um...interesting...6 months or so until they mastered it. Dh and I got into the habit of listening out for the sound of a child moving around upstairs at about 11pm at night, then one of us would dash up to find the boy and direct him to the correct place. Or, if we were too late, to mop up the laundry basket/bathroom door/wardrobe/bookcase, or wherever else it was that he'd had mistakenly peed.

The girls were equally late to be dry, but they never got confused!

Ha thanks everyone, these are hilarious- much food based skullduggery going on, I'm impressed.

In this house we must never mention the word cheese, as DS doesn't like cheese you see. So Philadelphia is 'sandwich butter', mozzarella on pizza is 'stretchy stuff' and babybel is a fourth food group all on it's own.

When my first born was young around 2.5 he was obsessed with the beach and would only take the dog for a walk on the beach, so one super rainy and windy January morning we headed to the beach with buckets and spades (and dog) it was so windy both our lips were a bit chapped but all I could find in the car was my nieces Barbie bright pink lip stick, I thought it’s January and blowing a gale nobody will see us and I applied the pink lipstick to us both.

As soon as I got out of the car I spotted our new neighbor taking his dog for a walk he came over to say hello, he must of thought I was mad bright pink lips, buckets and spades two year old boy dolled up to the nines ready for a morning on the beach in a gale!

I renamed two fruits as I didn't think the first born would eat them otherwise. The kids are now teenagers and we still call them Freddie Fruit and Yellows.

Sorry, not WTF at all but I want to read all this thread as I know it is going to be good and didn't want to do a place mark full stop .

Realising that howling, 2 day old babies don't understand what "ssh" means.

The first tantrum my first baby had at 18 months. I let her stir some cake mix. She had a total strop because she didn't want to put the cake mix in a tin! I sat on the floor with her & was gobsmacked. I remember saying to DH that night, "It was like a devil-child!"

Realising that both my babies had grown taller than me.

Rocking DD to sleep till she was 2.5 and actually getting plantar fasciitis as a result, needing months of physio.

Gently removing the tiniest bloody money spider which would not be moved, it just kept falling off the piece of paper I kept trying to make it go on. Dd would not be convinced that we should just leave it “no mummy no no no spiiiiiider”.

I have no idea why she’s suddenly scared of spiders. We’ve been VERY good at the whole “oh look, a spider. Hello spider, let’s take you outside to play with your friends” when inside you’re going “argh it’s fucking massive don’t run don’t run don’t jump!! Is it on me!!?!”

@Cooltalkin

My son only used to eat ‘ chicken’ One time he was eating fish and commented how nice the chicken was , a visitor went to correct him and got a quick kick to the shin under the table It was chicken even if it looked like fish 😂

This made me laugh, we were the opposite in the that everything was fish, jst different coloured fish for different meats, so mince was brown fish etc.

Catching DDs vomit in the back of a car was a new low.

@dontputitinyourmouth
Crazy kids !