Your most 'Wtf?' Parenting moments

[herewegoagain20]

I've just found myself pondering wtf has happened to my life as I stand here washing a sausage for my 3 yo.

No, that's not a euphemism- I'm literally washing a cooked sausage under the tap. I used all the sausages in a lentil casserole, forgetting my picky eater won't eat it, so I've plucked one out and am hoping he won't notice the difference (unlikely).

I could do with a laugh today so let's hear those funny stories when you can't help but think 'wtf am I doing'?!

[quote Scoobygang7]@Early90sdecor Omelettes here are egg pizzas [/quote]
Nice work.....we’ll get those omelettes into them! DS is 6 now and will eat them knowing they’re omelettes, but DH and I still sometimes offer him an egg pancake out of habit.

@Powerchewings

Ugh all the poop,and vomit stories here just reinforces my childfree status. I’ve only got to page 3 and checking out. Vile.

I dont know if you do but most my childfree friend have this view but then also have cats/dogs/rabbits etc... (or 'fur babies' as many say) which makes me laugh and as an owner of both children and pets I would say children are easier as it only last a few years

apart from the very rare occasions a vomit pops up we havent had troubles from my oldest in 8 years since toilet training and the youngest is about to train soon but really his nappies arent hard and no horror stories in the 2 years we've had him

the pets on the otherhand shit every day, it stinks, we have to pick it up, sometime they tread in it and spread it through the house and it NEVER gets better with pets (and our cat hock up furballs at an alarming rate its utterly disgusting)... everyday for the last 6 years and yes while you can leave them at home for a few hours alone you cant take them on most holidays etc... so planning life is harder round pets than children imo

children are wierd but they are funny and pretty trainable in most aspects so 'gross' things dont last that long

In the local DIY store, turning my back for a moment, only to hear a familiar little voice jubilantly shouting throughout the whole shop: "I've finished!!!!!"- and looking over to see him standing against a display toilet, wondering why the flush doesn't seem to work

"No. Don't wipe butter on the puppy, he doesn't like it"

Said 'puppy' (dog) just looked at me with sad eyes that I'd stopped some form of delicious snack heading in his direction

Introducing the whole concept of the ‘poo cuddle’

My nephew, then aged about 2, didn't quite make it to the potty in time and had an accident, doing a massive wee on his grandparents' living room carpet. As the Vax was being swiftly deployed, he then got a fuss made of him, to keep encouraging him and not to make him feel bad whilst he was still getting used to everything.

His 9yo brother jealously saw all of the attention he was getting and was insisting "I want to wee on Nanna's carpet as well!" He wasn't joking, either - he was about to until he was sharply ordered not to even try

@dillydallydollydaydream7

"No. Don't wipe butter on the puppy, he doesn't like it"

Said 'puppy' (dog) just looked at me with sad eyes that I'd stopped some form of delicious snack heading in his direction

'stop hitting the cat, she doesnt like it' - is a common phrase in this house, its never malicely but usually from him trying to pet them or play with them with the feathery cat stick

oddly some days they dont seem to mind and others they will bomb across the house like their tail is on fire... they certainly wouldnt mind if it was food though lol

My boyfriend had to do the school pick up tonight as I had an appointment. I got home before them and thought they had probably gone to the park on the way home. Oh, how wrong I was. My son refused to walk home until my boyfriend did a good enough job of being a dinosaur. He kept stopping him as his impression wasn’t good enough. FYI I wouldn’t have put up with that shit.

Boyfriend is now planning his new identity after his shameful walk home.

@SimonJT

SimonJT

Oh dear, poor boyfriend! Ha! The joys of parenting!

Mine was yesterday. Limited options in our local town now for letting toddler out of buggy as library and shopping centre soft play are still closed. In desperation I took her and older sister (aged 3) to nice mother and baby room in department store. Not used much I hasten to add, and spotlessly clean due to Covid. I sat in feeding chair for a glorious 20 minutes while they chased each other around, including behind the nappy bin (yes but all spotless I promise), running after a rolled up piece of foil for a ball and a waving wet wipes in each others faces. I enjoyed my rest but did have that moment where I thought "wtf has it come to?!"

@mam0918 I'm so pleased pet-related phrases aren't just in my house! Poor animals

@ OrlaPeely thank you for the inside out socks tip!

Peeled strawberries - because she insisted the “yucky seeds on the outside” was the only reason she wouldn’t eat them (she likes strawberry syrup). She didn’t eat them. I haven’t given her strawberries since; that was 4 years ago

This has gone down in family history. DD was notoriously hard to settle to sleep, you had to pat her endlessly, then back out incredibly slowly to the door, then pause endlessly at the door, etc. One night, my Mum put her to bed, and whilst pausing at the door realised that DD was carefully watching my Mum's skirt through bars of the cot. Mum thought of the genius idea of very carefully removing her skirt and hanging it on the door handle. Thereby, fooling DD that her Granny was still on sentry duty at her bedroom door. It worked like a charm, until my Mum came happily tripping downstairs in just her blouse and pants, to find me chatting with our new neighbour in the hall!

@peaceanddove that is priceless!!

My daughter insists on correct anatomical terms with my grandson. After a spectacular poo, I'd cleaned up his backside, he turned round, I uttered 2 phrases I never thought I'd say. "Mac, lift up your penis" " oh dear, you've got poo all over your scrotum"

My DM recounts that I, aged about 7, asked extremely loudly in a posh frock shop ‘but who is the old man in that book by Nabrokov?’ (Police was playing on the shop radio...).

DS1 at two, rushing up to a partially-clad shop mannequin and, while pointing excitedly, shouting at the top of his little squeaky voice "look, Mummy, breasts!" Reader, I died...

Not got kids but am a paediatric nurse. Transferring a child to another hospital the other day. Please don't fire playmobile canon balls through the hatch into the drivers can. We don't want to crash on the M1!