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Your most 'Wtf?' Parenting moments

220 replies

herewegoagain20 · 14/10/2020 17:36

I've just found myself pondering wtf has happened to my life as I stand here washing a sausage for my 3 yo.

No, that's not a euphemism- I'm literally washing a cooked sausage under the tap. I used all the sausages in a lentil casserole, forgetting my picky eater won't eat it, so I've plucked one out and am hoping he won't notice the difference (unlikely).

I could do with a laugh today so let's hear those funny stories when you can't help but think 'wtf am I doing'?!

OP posts:
Thehollyandtheirony · 14/10/2020 20:03

Cutting the grill marks off grilled chicken.

Hannah12345625 · 14/10/2020 20:05

@usernamenotsaved that made me laugh so much 😂😂😂😂😂

grassisjeweled · 14/10/2020 20:05

We feed the kids fish, they refer to it as chicken, I don't correct them

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herewegoagain20 · 14/10/2020 20:08

@UsernameNotSaved

My daughter was once constipated so I held her hand while she pooped because it hurt her. I now have to hold her hand every time she poos 🤦🏼‍♀️
Ah don't you just love when you start a whole new parenting ritual by mistake Grin

My DH still hasn't forgiven me for the one time I agreed to read bedtime stories cross legged on the bean bag, which is now of course the default story position

OP posts:
lovelemoncurd · 14/10/2020 20:10

Sitting rearranging the my daughters socks on her feet when she would shout 'the line'. The line was that seam in the toe of the sock which had to be positioned in a particular way to avoid her screaming 'the line' then refusing to move as I'm trying to get me ready for an early shift and her to nursery! Why?

DeciduousPerennial · 14/10/2020 20:12

Taking a door off the hinges to clean crap off the bottom of it where it had been repeatedly opened over the top of a rogue poo.

Do not ask.

I trod in that poo too.

fee1234 · 14/10/2020 20:14

Having to hide my toddlers cardboard books because he keeps eating them all. He will refuse most of the delicious meals I give him and instead, eat half a book. Thick board books in particular are his favourite.

BreadmanAndCake · 14/10/2020 20:19

It's got to be fishing kid turds out the bath Envy

TheOrchidKiller · 14/10/2020 20:23

Waving a cheery goodbye to each one of DS's headlice ("They were only on holiday in your hair!")

Ah don't you just love when you start a whole new parenting ritual by mistake

Ha ha. We made the mistake of cutting the toast into triangles instead of squares. Then made the bigger mistake of bigging up how great triangle toast was, to get her to eat it. Then we forgot & did squares when she wanted triangles. Cue her screaming, "NO DARES, TRI-ANGULZ!" Or " ME NO HAVE TRI-ANGULZ! DARE TOAST!"

After several months of asking the little princess, "Square or triangle toast?" and double-checking before cutting it, which was too much stress every morning, DH said we needed to get a grip on ourselves.

Lizadork · 14/10/2020 20:27

When being peed on and thrown up on not the worst that could happen, what's a few stain or snot shared?

When my daughter realised I was putting crushed up seeds/nuts into everything, refused to eat food so naturally blamed it on ketchup and she still glares at it now Grin.

That I now swear at the ice cream van every day over summer and put a curse upon any sweet sellers that dare in my direction.

When food is wrong, switching plates can make it right Wink

Piixxiiee · 14/10/2020 20:35

Ds nursery teacher enquired about the 'grit' I put in his food Hmm after a long think I realised he'd seen me put a sprinkle of chia seeds in his smoothie.... had some explaining to do and now he won't drink a smoothie unless he us there to check mo grit goes in !

Same child only eats 'chicken'- ham, fish, all sausages are now referred to as chicken. Dd plays alongConfused

AlfieandAnnieRose · 14/10/2020 20:36

@GameSetMatch omg, the bright pink barbie lipstick has set me off! 😆

sarahC40 · 14/10/2020 20:36

My child was sick in my mouth. He was v young and I was v revolted and questioning life choices. He also shat in a guitar once with projectile poo across a room. He’s now 6ft 4 with a beard and still likes to hear what a little treat he was.

carly2803 · 14/10/2020 20:36

catching vommit from the 6 month old in my hands.

after said 6 month old vommed all in my bed, their bed, floor etc. But i had to catch that little bit.
christ knows why

Poppingnostopping · 14/10/2020 20:38

I really wish I had known about some of these 'tricks' lies when my children were younger, I just used to tell them the truth about the fish/seafood and now they won't eat any whatsoever!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/10/2020 20:42

Having to stop ds2 trying to open an upstairs window, because ds1 had told his little brother to go out of the window and retrieve the tatty railway magazines we had put in the bin the day before.

Ds2 was kneeling up by the window, pushing it as hard as he could - he’d opened the catches, but thankfully the window stuck, otherwise he would have fallen out head first. Shock

Letting ds1 eat Doritos out of the bin. I have told this story on MN a number of times before (mainly to reassure another mum that they aren’t the worst mum in the world, because clearly I am) - ds1 was in the worst of the terrible twos, and had had a monumental screaming session the night before and, at 8.30am the next day, had already been screaming for 45 minutes, and I was at the end of my tether. I was on the phone to dh, sobbing that I couldn’t cope - and the screaming stopped!

I hung up, and went to investigate, only to find ds1 standing by the kitchen bin, eating the tortilla chips we’d had left over the previous night, and had thrown away. But that isn’t the worst bit - I looked at ds1 and I knew that taking his delicious bin-snack away from him would start the tantrumming again, and I just couldn’t face it, so I let him carry on!

Eventually he got bored and wandered off, and I found somewhere more secure to keep the bin - and he must have had a bomb proof digestion, because he had no ill effects whatsoever.

CarrotCakeCrumbs · 14/10/2020 20:51

Very carefully removing all breadcrumbs or batter from chicken nuggets so that my picky eater will actually eat (what kind of child doesn't like chicken nuggets) and despite me being deathly afraid of spiders having to tolerate one taking up residence in the living room because it was said picky eaters new pet and his name was sparkles Hmm he stayed for 3 days (it was a weekend) I spent alot of time in the kitchen Grin

jrb123 · 14/10/2020 20:56

My DH's brother, when a toddler, loved Penguin biscuits, but only the 'green ones'. It's now a family legend that an old green wrapper was kept for transferring any Penguin biscuits that came in red or blue wrappers, so that BIL would eat it.

reginafalange2020 · 14/10/2020 20:58

Spent 3 nights sleeping on the hard landing floor outside my nocturnal daughters bedroom whilst pregnant! WTAF - was trying to sleep train her. It didn't work 😖

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 14/10/2020 21:00

Kneeling on the bathroom floor, holding toilet-training DD's hands, screwing up my face and making 'pushing' sounds to help her squeeze out a poo Confused She's 7 and still occasionally asks for my assistance in that area.

crispcottonsheets · 14/10/2020 21:06

In my house we eat a lot of beef. A LOT

Turkey= white beef
Lamb= special beef
Beef= beefy beef
Pork= piggy beef.

And just to ring the changes from all that beef

Cod= white fish
Haddock= big fish
Smoked haddock= yellow fish
Salmon= pink fish

Supertree · 14/10/2020 21:09

My eldest liked me to sing the Thomas tank theme song at bedtime but I was only allowed to say the sound of the first letter of the names in the bit where they are named. Sometimes I’d forget and say the whole name and he’d get really angry and I’d have to start again.

Also had a real wtf moment when I had a stomach bug at the same time as him being ill with a virus and conjunctivitis. I was throwing up in the toilet and he came into the bathroom screaming because he couldn’t open his eyes. He was crashing into the glass shower screen and bathroom door. I had to drag him to the ground and hold him next to me so I could keep him safe until I’d finished throwing up. I was a young, single parent and couldn’t believe that this was now my life.

Halo1234 · 14/10/2020 21:10

Got to be catching my distressed child's vomit in my bare hands whilst saying its fine just spit it all out your OK.......as I watched my hands/bed get covered in spew. Noone else what I do that for. Its a new disgusting level of love. He said why did u not get me a bucket afterwards (eh I didnt have time).

Heatherjayne1972 · 14/10/2020 21:11

They won’t eat mushrooms in this house. They will eat ‘special chicken ‘

Also a rather unforgettable incident where one boy wanted a baked potato and the other wanted a jacket potato
There were tears that day

seriouslynotserious · 14/10/2020 21:15

@Spudlet

When I found myself sitting on the floor of the downstairs loo, making up a cheery song about poohing to try and get DS to perform... I used to have a job, you know. I gave presentations and everything! Grin
😂😂 I can so relate to this when I was wiping shit off my toddlers ass just now and he wasn't happy about it trying to run away.
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