Your most 'Wtf?' Parenting moments

[herewegoagain20]

I've just found myself pondering wtf has happened to my life as I stand here washing a sausage for my 3 yo.

No, that's not a euphemism- I'm literally washing a cooked sausage under the tap. I used all the sausages in a lentil casserole, forgetting my picky eater won't eat it, so I've plucked one out and am hoping he won't notice the difference (unlikely).

I could do with a laugh today so let's hear those funny stories when you can't help but think 'wtf am I doing'?!

My husband was away and I was getting DS ready for bed. He was 2.5 at the time but Had an incredible vocabulary. The wind was howling outside and the rain beating down on the window (just to set the scene...) when DS told me...

'Mammy the lady in the wall is here. I've heard her once. She is an angry lady. She shouts and she makes me feel scared. She lives in the wall and comes out when she is angry. She is REALLY ANGRY! oh listen, she's coming now.....'

Well at this point I'm starting to feel like a change of under crackers may be in order. I also went and checked outside his room just in case there was someone there.

Moral of this story- never ever ever EVER use the baby monitor to bollock your child at 2am when you want them to stop messing about and go back to sleep. I'm guessing my voice must have bounced off the walls to give the effect of some demented wall demon.

It's fair to say I near on shat me pants before questioning my ability to parent disclaimer- DS is not scarred for life. Me on the other hand.....

These have really cheered me up this morning, thank you!

I have just remembered :

• the time she had started weaning & we were playing "flying baby" (me on my back, lifting her up in the air). How she laughed! How I laughed at her laughing! Until a jet of hot Annabel Carmel pureed courgette shot out of her mouth & straight into mine.

• both of them not speaking to me for an afternoon because I accidentally stood on & "murdered" (their word) the snail they had been talking to.

Trying to carve a lump of ordinary cheddar into the shape of a Babybel when DS was about 3 and would only eat 'crackers and cheese and tomatoes and olives' for his lunch, and the cheese had to be a Babybel. I did not succeed and my attempt to introduce it as a Squarebybel was not well received!

When my eldest was about 2 he wouldn’t let me throw away his very worn out plimsolls, he also had an aversion to dog poo, so I actually spent several outings trying to make him accidentally tread in dog poo so I could throw them away, it worked too

at all of these, but especially at the angry lady in the walls and the squarebybel

My girls wouldn't eat lamb as they had a pet sheep (called Biggles) so I used to serve up 'New Zealand beef

I think there’s a new moment at least once a week!

Yesterday my 4 year old had a proper “toddler” tantrum because she couldn’t remember what eyelashes were called. She was really sobbing!

@SeasonallySnowyPeasant Tbh I was called to meetings almost every week ds was in school so I didn't know exactly what I was walking into. I had asked ds that morning what he had done and he'd declared he didn't think he'd been found out on anything recently because he'd not had a rollicking in the last couple of days so I went in blind.
I was incredulous tbh as I was with many of his stunts. I felt a bit sorry for the teacher because he obviously felt stupid when I pointed out that I'd have been pretty neglectful not to have told the school of such a serious operation. I advised teacher that he should do as I did and assume that if his lips were moving he was probably lying and contact me to double check anything he wasn't sure was true. It quickly moved onto a general discussion about his behaviour etc.
Ds already had detentions booked for weeks in advance so I think they added more onto those but tbh I don't actually remember there were so many meetings and so many phone calls their number was always top of my friends and family list.
As we left ds decided to come clean and said "Sir when I told you my mate was the first test tube baby in the County........"

I have a degree in fine art and now my 3yo tells me off for not making a pirate treasure map right 🙄

[quote hiredandsqueak]@SeasonallySnowyPeasant Tbh I was called to meetings almost every week ds was in school so I didn't know exactly what I was walking into. I had asked ds that morning what he had done and he'd declared he didn't think he'd been found out on anything recently because he'd not had a rollicking in the last couple of days so I went in blind.
I was incredulous tbh as I was with many of his stunts. I felt a bit sorry for the teacher because he obviously felt stupid when I pointed out that I'd have been pretty neglectful not to have told the school of such a serious operation. I advised teacher that he should do as I did and assume that if his lips were moving he was probably lying and contact me to double check anything he wasn't sure was true. It quickly moved onto a general discussion about his behaviour etc.
Ds already had detentions booked for weeks in advance so I think they added more onto those but tbh I don't actually remember there were so many meetings and so many phone calls their number was always top of my friends and family list.
As we left ds decided to come clean and said "Sir when I told you my mate was the first test tube baby in the County........"[/quote]
This really made me laugh. This also made me think of a former (mature) university student of mine, who asked for a meeting to go over something she was going to miss because she had to go to her son's parents' evening. I ended the meeting with a cheery 'hope parents' evening goes well!' and she looked at me and said 'it won't. This morning he said to me "mum, have you ever met a pathological liar? Like, I think my geography teacher is one. She just makes up random stuff, like tonight she might just say, for no reason, that I haven't handed in my coursework".' She added: 'He's going to fail his GCSEs. Not because he hasn't done his coursework, but because he's thick enough that he thought I'd buy that'

Oh dear @hiredandsqueak! I hope he's settled down a bit now!

Although it is quite funny.

Only a 3 year old won't think it WTF to want to go up the stairs with you carrying him. Only it's that he wants you to hold him upside down by the ankles while you tap his head on each step.

I wasn't too phased by that since it didn't do him harm or inconvenience me too much but hey, toddler logic for you.

[quote hiredandsqueak]@SeasonallySnowyPeasant Tbh I was called to meetings almost every week ds was in school so I didn't know exactly what I was walking into. I had asked ds that morning what he had done and he'd declared he didn't think he'd been found out on anything recently because he'd not had a rollicking in the last couple of days so I went in blind.
I was incredulous tbh as I was with many of his stunts. I felt a bit sorry for the teacher because he obviously felt stupid when I pointed out that I'd have been pretty neglectful not to have told the school of such a serious operation. I advised teacher that he should do as I did and assume that if his lips were moving he was probably lying and contact me to double check anything he wasn't sure was true. It quickly moved onto a general discussion about his behaviour etc.
Ds already had detentions booked for weeks in advance so I think they added more onto those but tbh I don't actually remember there were so many meetings and so many phone calls their number was always top of my friends and family list.
As we left ds decided to come clean and said "Sir when I told you my mate was the first test tube baby in the County........"[/quote]
That is so funny! What is he like now?

Tuppence beard!!

*Usernamenotused
*
I had to do this with my grandson when he was little 😂😂

Sorry I meant usernamenotsaved

@spiderlight

Trying to carve a lump of ordinary cheddar into the shape of a Babybel when DS was about 3 and would only eat 'crackers and cheese and tomatoes and olives' for his lunch, and the cheese had to be a Babybel. I did not succeed and my attempt to introduce it as a Squarebybel was not well received!

I'm giggling at this.

Surely there's a market for organic hand-hewn squarebibels?

Fink
I remember my mum telling me I did similar to her, when I was about 2 I told her I needed the toilet so she held me over a drain in our local high street, as you do or did in 1968 and I proceeded to have a poo, apparently my mum wasn’t phased but my dad nearly died of embarrassment

Having newly toilet trained Ds bending over for me to check he’d wiped his bum properly all 3 of mine did this

It is bad of me to have taught my boys to twerk during toilet training so I could check out their bums without having to go too close?

Sprinting across the grounds of a campsite swimming pool in my bikini shout-whispering 'Noooooo!' as my toddler started pulling down her swimsuit to have a pee on the fake grass in front of many, many bemused tourists.

The only meat my dd would eat was chicken, so everything was chicken,

Chicken beef
Chicken bacon
Chicken lamb
Chicken sausages
Etc

[quote hiredandsqueak]@SeasonallySnowyPeasant Tbh I was called to meetings almost every week ds was in school so I didn't know exactly what I was walking into. I had asked ds that morning what he had done and he'd declared he didn't think he'd been found out on anything recently because he'd not had a rollicking in the last couple of days so I went in blind.
I was incredulous tbh as I was with many of his stunts. I felt a bit sorry for the teacher because he obviously felt stupid when I pointed out that I'd have been pretty neglectful not to have told the school of such a serious operation. I advised teacher that he should do as I did and assume that if his lips were moving he was probably lying and contact me to double check anything he wasn't sure was true. It quickly moved onto a general discussion about his behaviour etc.
Ds already had detentions booked for weeks in advance so I think they added more onto those but tbh I don't actually remember there were so many meetings and so many phone calls their number was always top of my friends and family list.
As we left ds decided to come clean and said "Sir when I told you my mate was the first test tube baby in the County........"[/quote]
I know you’re not meant to laugh but these are hilarious

Is this what one calls a “spirited child”?!

@SeasonallySnowyPeasant I used to say he'd either end up behind bars or be a millionaire. He's not a millionaire but he is doing very well in his career so that's good enough for me.
He says school days were the best days of his life so he enjoyed it immensely and as he says he was the only person to get a standing ovation walking into assembly after another one of his pranks became common knowledge.