Would you allow your elderly parents to move in with you if

[Lardlizard]

They used their money to either build an annexe into your existing house

It used their money so you could buy a much larger house
Which would have. A separate annex

Nope. Not a chance - but if you are happy to become full time carers and have your life completely overturned - then go for it.

Yes, without a doubt. They cared for me.

My MIL has just brought this up. We’re worried it might not work out as she had a decent bungalow and an annex would be tiny by comparison. Instead, we’ve promised to sort out an ensuite bedroom downstairs for her so she can stay over whenever she likes. Money hasn’t come into the decision as we can afford a large house anyway.

Depends.... are there any other siblings to factor in?
Is the annex! the same size as your home? As it isn't fair that you are using their money to make your home bigger and giving them a little annex!
Have you discussed what would happen to finance if they require care?

Yeah I’d be happy either way.

No

if what? put it in the jeffing thread title!

if you had a lifetime of nice supportive kindly parents .. Yes

if you had a lifetime of emotionally manipulatively abusive parents...

No

In a heartbeat

No.

Yes. Of course! They're family. I would do it even if they had no money or there was no annex.

Yes, in a heartbeat. For my parents and my inlaws.
We all get on ok (some times great, others are tense- but that's life), and if they need to be physically closer to us to feel secure, then I'd happily agree. If they need care, I'd happily provide that too.
The only thing that would worry me is financial implications, if it wasnt what they envisioned and wanted to move again, or needed to release money for care/some other reason, how would that work given their property is on my land and I couldn't afford to buy it off them, nor would I want it rented to others.

About 6-7 yrs ago we asked if my parents wanted to buy a place with us, that had an annexe for,them. They were early 70’s at the time and really fit and well.
Anyway, they didn’t want to as it would have meant moving location for them and also,they didn’t feel the need.
Roll on 6 yrs and my mum had a stroke. Now she’s paralysed, Can’t speak and in a wheelchair. My dad now 81 looks after her with carers coming in several times a day.
How we all wish we could turn the clock back and would have made that move.
I would be pleased to care for them. Why wouldn’t you want to care for your parents in such a situation? You don’t know what the future holds.

@DobbyTheHouseElk

Yes, without a doubt. They cared for me.

You would happily wipe the arse of your parent? Your Dad? Or change his adult nappy? It isn't something I could do.

OP I would have a look at the elderly parents board on here to see what type of things could happen in the future.

Company and a bit of shopping is very different to elderly parents refusing outside care and not managing. My Grandma was one of the outside care refusers, it put an awful strain on my Mum who worked full time, my Dad travelled a lot so it was left to her to wipe the bum of her MIL. The dementia finally saw her into a nursing home where she got the best trained care.

of course

Our house isn't big enough to have elderly relatives in, and there isn't space to build an annex. We deliberately bought a house that would be too small for that. In fact, we don't even have a spare room that they could even stay for a couple of weeks. Any visits are strictly one day only, and we are close enough that we can do one day visits pretty regularly. Dh in particular does not do well with people in his space.

My grandma lived just down the road from us for years (not quite an annex but it took less than 2 minutes to get to her house). My parents ended up visiting/helping her 2/3 times a day, then she needed to actually move into our house (into my bedroom with me at first!) I hated it, my siblings hated it, my parents hated it, but for them it was better than putting her into a home. I've already told my parents that I will not be a full time carer for either of them, I can't do it. I've seen what it's like and it didn't do any of us any good. I certainly won't be doing it while either of my children still live at home.

I think you may have to be careful about buying a larger property together as if they needed to go into care and they didn't have enough money to cover the bills the house would have to be sold or have a charge put on it to cover the care home costs. I don't know if I am right here and hopefully someone will know more but it's worth checking before you commit.

In all honesty it would depend which parent. One would probably wreck my marriage and drive me into an early grave. The other, I’d take in without a second thought.

Not bleeding likely

Absolutely not!

I've tried luring my Dad during lockdown but it didn't work!
In a heartbeat in any circumstances.

Definitely not

Nope they have prioritised my drug addict lazy brother, made excuses for his behaviour, he's spent their money and they would also expect him to come and be supported (is give cash to him, feed him, wash his clothes). So no chance.

My mum - yes, if it was what she wanted, but it isn't. I'm a nurse so I'm used to helping with personal care. It wouldn't bother me but it would definitely bother my mum and I respect that.

FIL - never, it would end in divorce and/or murder.