Would you allow your elderly parents to move in with you if

[Lardlizard]

They used their money to either build an annexe into your existing house

It used their money so you could buy a much larger house
Which would have. A separate annex

Speaking as one who’s had both a parent and a FiL with dementia, one of whom lived with us for a while, no I certainly wouldn’t.

Never underestimate what care might be needed in future. Dementia is very often utterly exhausting to cope with.

If one or both eventually needed a care home, and there weren’t enough assets to pay for it, their share of the house could be seen as ‘deprivation of assets’.

No matter how well-meant your original motives, the fact will remain that their money has been used to fund either a larger house for you, or a valuable extension to it.
Councils are naturally enough very hot on deprivation of assets.

And what if you needed to move for work? Or needed to sell the house because you were splitting up?

she’d be so offended. The wider family would not understand. I’d be crucified
they are already bullying you...you're being lined up to serve her all her days

Florida palm tree, that’s just the question i have been trying to answer recently,
But i thought so long as the person did not give away all their money and made them self homeless, to avoid care home fees, then that was ok.
Perhaps legislation has moved on since I heard that

Rats just seen the above reply to OP, from Gettiinbglikemymother

yes for my parents, no for my inlaws. Before I get jumped on, my DH would completely agree.

Even without dementia, it’s not at all unusual for elderly people who need a lot of help, to refuse to have paid carers in, either because they don’t want to pay (even when they can well afford to) or because they don’t want random strangers in.

It’s not at all unknown for them to tell anyone involved (e.g. a social worker) that no, they don’t need any carers in because ‘my daughter will do it.’
Regardless of what other commitments that daughter might have.

Over the years of elderly parent care I’ve heard so many such stories.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

Even without dementia, it’s not at all unusual for elderly people who need a lot of help, to refuse to have paid carers in, either because they don’t want to pay (even when they can well afford to) or because they don’t want random strangers in.

It’s not at all unknown for them to tell anyone involved (e.g. a social worker) that no, they don’t need any carers in because ‘my daughter will do it.’
Regardless of what other commitments that daughter might have.

Over the years of elderly parent care I’ve heard so many such stories.

But what happens when the son or daughter just goes 'nope not happening, you've got the money you can pay' and leaves them to it?

Entirely agree that a lot of people on this thread waxing lyrical about caring for elderly parents have a somewhat rose-tinted viewpoint of what this entails. I’d be more convinced if there were posters coming forward to say how fulfilling it is looking after their parents with advanced dementia.

It is gruelling and will break you if you try to do it alone. When DF got dementia it took DM, myself and two siblings to help with it all without falling apart, and it was tough going at many stages.
But I would do it again, with perhaps less rosy-tinted glasses.

I told DH when MIL got ill that whatever way he wanted to offer care for her to count me in for support and hands on assistance, including personal care. The illness took her too quickly in the end so she didn't need care, same with FIL who passed away suddenly.
DM is living independently and I know that it's likely me she would feel most comfortable living with should she need to in the future. I think DH would help and support me in that. Having said that, I work so would be unable to become a full time carer and therefore any plans would very much depend on the care they need and whether or not I had the expertise and time to do it properly.

If one or both eventually needed a care home, and there weren’t enough assets to pay for it, their share of the house could be seen as ‘deprivation of assets’.
No matter how well-meant your original motives, the fact will remain that their money has been used to fund either a larger house for you, or a valuable extension to it.

This is a very important consideration.

MIL was able to move into a fully-equipped nursing home (after the poor carers had dropped her twice!) because her money was not tied up in the house we lived in, but could be accessed quickly and easily by selling her own house.

My mil lives with me, my wife (her daughter) died recently. She has several room in my house, but there is no formal agreement and she pays no bills. She pays for her own food and personal stuff. This works for me as I want no formal responsibility for her and do not want her to have any claim.on my house if her needs change.