Would you allow your elderly parents to move in with you if

[Lardlizard]

They used their money to either build an annexe into your existing house

It used their money so you could buy a much larger house
Which would have. A separate annex

Abso
Lutely
Not

Hell no.

My parents favour my brother - in fact, he's visiting right now & we've been told our presence isn't required for father's day morning tea at my parents house, so my kids won't see their cousins. If he's around we're ignored until he leaves & DF didn't even say hello to me yesterday because DB was here.

PIL - well, they're verbally abusive & vocally judgemental of everything I do. I've told DH if he ever tries to move them in I'll move out with the kids. Luckily he's finally seen how bad they are & has agreed it's a 'no'.

I know our siblings will try to push it on us, but they can either do their share or pay for carers. I'm not doing it.

No. It would put too much pressure on my marriage and on my mental health.

My parents are also very against family becoming carers like that, so I doubt they'd let me anyway!

Yes - I did exactly that for my PIL They were unable to manage alone and my MIL suffered from rheumatoid arthritis and dementia

They lived with us until their deaths

We've built one, for other uses but if one of my parents needed it they could move in, of course. I wouldn't have wanted them to pay for any of it though, as that gets very complicated.

Yes no brainer

I was a nurse and I nursed first my mother and ten years later my step father through cancer so that they could die in their own home . It was what they wanted and I didn't mind at all .
I was widowed in my mid fifties and for a long time afterwards my daughter nagged me to move in with her and her family. Eventually I capitulated and we sold Holothuroidea homes and bought a larger house . I have my own living room and my own bedroom with en-suit . When we first moved in their daughter was 5 years old and I was able to do the school run and look after her in the holidays when needed but she's 15 now so I'm not needed for that . We all get on well together and I don't get under their feet . I also pay for my keep and willingly give them extra cash if they need it . My daughter is also a nurse so if the time comes that I need personal care she will provide it .

I saw my mum and my aunts mental health plummet over 10 years caring for my grandparents. (No arse wiping was required).

There’s no way.

As PPs have said it totally depends on your parents and the relationship you have with them. Also whether you are the sort of person who can care for others or not. Some can do it, others can’t.

My maternal grandmother lived with our family for 20 years. She was blind and needed assistance. She lived to be 104.
When I left home, I bought the house next door to my parents. I raised my two daughters there, and was able to care for my parents so that they could stay in their home until they passed away.
Now my DD2 lives in my parents' house with her partner. She is next door to me and plans to stay there so that I can stay in my house until I pass. Nursing care homes are out of the question!
That is what our family does.

Disaster disaster disaster

DH and I lived next door to someone who did this. It was all fine at first when the couple were spending her parent's money on building an annex. Within a year, things weren't so rosy. We used to hear the mother crying in the garden and the arguments were spectacular.
In the end, late one night there was a horrible commotion outside and the elderly parents were carrying suitcases to their car. They'd been thrown out. They had sold all their possessions to fund the renovations, and were left with nothing. I believe the father died shortly after. It must have lasted 18 months.

Yes. Once I'm liquid again after my divorce comes through, I am doing this. I have been looking at properties with a large annex and an en-suite downstairs bedroom for them. I don't expect them to contribute. They are still young and Dad turns 60 this year, but I want it prepared for them. Right now it is just to facilitate more comfortable longer visits for them but eventually hopefully they will come live with me and still have their own independence.

My parents are both dead now. I moved back in with my Mum when she had pancreatic cancer. She died 3 months later. An annex could work well. Make the most of your parents whist you still have them.

Stormy what a story!!

No.

I'm torn. I love my mum and she is amazing, very independent and capable. I can see her slowly declining both physically and mentally (hell, none of us are improving much as we get older) but she is desperate to remain in her own home and not be a burden.

My gran was housebound almost without a break for 18 years. My poor mum was guilt-tripped into driving there nearly every weekday to care for her and keep her company. It wasn't appreciated. I watched this growing up and found the impact on my mum's life almost unbearable at times.

I don't think I could care for my mum adequately when she is in her dotage if she was in my home. I'm not a patient person. She lives less than 2 minutes walk from me now, I see her nearly every weekday and most weekends, and we chat and text every day. I help where I can and where she wants help. That will have to be enough.

No, it wouldn't work for many reasons.

Credit to those who would, but there are many with complex family relationships.

No one should be criticised for saying yes or no to this scenario.

Nope. No way. Not a chance.

I get a hotel when I visit because I won’t risk being stuck in a house with an alcoholic.

No way, not ever.

Nope, im not up for a carers role. My days of wiping ass and spoon feeding are over

It’s all down to timing I think.
My Mum is in very good physical health, walks miles every day etc, but suffers with anxiety. If she came to live with us now she would end up becoming dependent on me for absolutely everything because it would be much easier to absolve herself of all responsibility, and I don’t think that would be good for her, or me.
It would be a different if she needed long term care as I wouldn’t want her to be in a home.

Depends on the sort of relationship you have with your parents. Also if their money goes into your property are there siblings anxious not to have their potential inheritance reduced. There is the likelihood that parents die before their children so of course you would be left with a bigger property. However, should they need care which is beyond your capabilities you should seek professional advice about that situation. I believe there are such things as trusts which may clarify the situation but that may not be necessary or advisable. In the end it is up to how you feel it would work and whether your parents would actually want to live with you. As an older person myself, I would be concerned I could end up as a burden to my children which I would hate.

I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to expect to live with their adult children. However equally I wouldn’t take their money to buy a larger house.

Yes, I would.