Would you allow your elderly parents to move in with you if

[Lardlizard]

They used their money to either build an annexe into your existing house

It used their money so you could buy a much larger house
Which would have. A separate annex

Possibly, but my mum doesn't want to live with me and I'd be left high and dry having to sell after her death.

No; we all need our space and dignity and the financial headaches will not be worth it. Both sets of parents have already talked about supported housing when the time comes and drawn up the paperwork if the worst happens (PoA, wishes, etc). We will always help and get professional carers in, where necessary.

No.

No because I remember as a child the 5 months my bedridden grandmother lived with us and how it effected our life.

Also, my mum, and my in-laws- wouldn’t consider it at all. They are happy to go to a care home and let us live our life in peace and happiness.

Caring for ill parents is not something I could do and also luckily my mum never would expect it or see it as a payment for my childhood.

You would happily wipe the arse of your parent? Your Dad? Or change his adult nappy? It isn't something I could do

Have already done this for other family members day in day out for years. Of course I’d do it for my parents. I’d consider it a privilege to do all I could to care for them at their most vulnerable.

I would have if I'd had the chance, my mum died suddenly in her 60's and if having her move in with me to care for her for years to come I'd do it in a heartbeat, my dad not so much but probably would.

I would but DM has made it 100% clear that she intends to pay for top quality care when the time comes. She will, I suspect, move nearer so we can see her more regularly. My DGP moved into an extremely good assisted living place when they got older and it was such a good decision all around.

No, they could (comfortably) afford a flat in one of the sheltered housing complexes on my street. I'd be happy to see them daily, but we'd both benefit from the separate space, and if they needed personal care, they'd employ carers (again, they could afford this easily).

Yes. My wonderful, funny, lovely MIL moved in with us for 4 months during lockdown. She’s 86.
If needed, we would accept money from her to build a Granny Annexe.
If needed, I will care for her, I love that woman second only to my own mum (now dead).
We’ve briefly discussed it in the past.
For now though she lives 25 mins walk away in her own home (with a lodger who is a vet nurse).

Yes absolutely although ground rules would need to be in place such as if you needed outside help for care that they would be receptive, an open policy to address any things which upset either party (helpful in any living adjustment arrangement) but I have lived with DM as an adult so I know how the dynamic would likely be

Yes. I have done exactly that. Although they aren't very elderly.

For my parents l, yes. They are lovely, kind and considerate people that I actually like.

For the in-laws. Not a fucking chance.
I’ve just checked with DH and he is in complete agreement.

You would happily wipe the arse of your parent?

How does that follow on from living in an annex??? I’d expect a bit of company or ordering extra groceries. Certainly not wiping bottoms.

Either parent in a heartbeat, my grandma yes but I'd push for my dad to take her on rather than me, my grandad never in a million years

When
Hell
Freezes
Over

I would but do you have any siblings OP? Would it lead to any problems regarding inheritance?

Yes, definitely. She wouldn't want to though! She's 90 and very capable and independent (plus her house is much larger than mine).

I think it depends hugely on the boundaries in place. Is the annexe 'their' home while the main house is 'yours'? Is there free access for each? Can they be relied upon to respect any boundaries?

I could see this working with PILs, but in my case it could never work as my parents are long since divorced and it's a lot easier just never to mention one to the other. Moving one in would effectively end my relationship with the other

Absolutely, annex or not, I am very blessed to have a very loving and supportive mother and I plan on looking after her if she needs it. To pp saying can you change a nappy, we'll she did plenty for me so I'd learn.

Do you work? What happens if they end up needing care?

No way would I ever agree to that.

No because if they need care the council will take you to court to pay for it.

No.

No, not ever. My mental health wouldn't cope.

Depends on the quality of the existing relationship.