To think why bother anymore

[lasophie]

Without meaning to make this post come across as really miserable (which it's probably going to be) I just can't be bothered anymore.

I have a beautiful baby who was born two months before lockdown.

For those few weeks we had a brief encounter with normality.
We had family visit, I went to a local breastfeeding cafe and had coffee with other mums.
Now that's all been taken away.

I feel like me and my baby have both been robbed of this beautiful future we could've had.

Everything now seems so bleak and I just feel like what's the point.

We see friends once a week for a socially distanced garden meet up or walk but I feel
nervous and edgy whilst we're out, always paranoid about people being to close, or about what i may have touched, it's just no fun.

I've gotten to the point where I don't even feel like eating healthy anymore (which is something I've always done)
I just think why make the effort to look nice and be healthy if our lives are going to have to be like this forever.

I could scream and cry and shout all at the same time at the thought of this new "normal".
I don't want to go out to dinner worrying that I might catch a virus and die.
I love clothes shopping but why would I want to go wearing a mask feeling fearful of what I've touched. What's the point.

I'm due back to work in January and the thought just makes me so sad.
I feel like I'm grieving for this wonderful time I
had planned for my maternity leave.

It has been amazing and my baby is just the best, but I feel like I've not given her the best start because of everything that's going on.

Sorry I know my post is very ranty, but I don't know how people are just so happy to accept this way of life. I'm finding it so hard.

Exactly the same here.

But this us only affects us, not the babies. At the moment as long as they have us, they're happy.

We'll get through it

I know you’re disappointed, but just because you don’t get to do all the things you wanted to it doesn’t mean that this time with your baby is any less important.

You need to amend your expectations - things aren’t going to plan but being downhearted isn’t going to change things. You will still have a beautiful future, it’s just going to be a bit different from what you wanted to happen

I feel like me and my baby have both been robbed of this beautiful future we could've had.

Erm, what?

I think people are busy focusing on the wording here. Op maternity leave is such a special time. Yours is different from the norm but try and enjoy it as best as you can. All that can be done is how you react to it

Christ some people on here are mean.

OP, I'm in a similar situation and it is so hard. Having a new baby is a wild ride at the best of times; experiencing it through the lens of a global pandemic and lockdown is just bonkers.

I've found the best balm to be allowing myself to feel upset when feelings of rage/sadness/anxiety etc. arise, have a big old dose of self compassion (it IS hard), then try to make the best of the reality I'm in. Once I've done that, I'm better able to focus on the things I'm grateful for, which helps tremendously.

I get the sense you're catastrophising a bit, while that's totally understandable it's likely not helping your mental health. Yes this is really hard right now, but this specific situation won't go on indefinitely. It will pass.

[quote Fournaans]@chunkyrun the wording is so cringe ! ‘Robbed’ , ‘catch the virus and die’ , ‘brief encounter’ vomit vomit vomit ![/quote]
@Fournaans read and run.
Why comment?!

I'm having a hard time! Great that you're not.
Don't leave shitty unhelpful comments on my post!

@BigBadVoodooHat

I feel like me and my baby have both been robbed of this beautiful future we could've had.

Erm, what?

Yes. This is how I feel.

Am I not allowed to feel like this?!

I don't want my baby to grow up in a world where she can't even go to swimming lessons and splash in a pool as the baby swimming we had planned is now so full of restrictions and it sounds absolutely no fun.

I remember my childhood being fun and care free, not wearing masks and socially distancing!!!

I was feeling like this about DS1. He turned one last week and I’d just been feeling so sad that his life has been so restricted and boring compared to what I had planned.
Then DS2 was stillborn 4 weeks ago today and the fact is I’d sell my soul to the devil for him to have the chance of the same boring, restricted life that DS1 has. He doesn’t know anything about what he’s missing out on, and it’s only temporary anyway. Soon enough we will be taking him swimming and to more interesting places than our local park and he will be playing with the children of my friends, just as we had imagined.
This too shall pass, OP. You have to enjoy every cuddle and giggle for now, and know that you have years ahead of you to do all those other things with your little one. That’s certainly what I’m trying my best to focus on

@Fournaans

Everyone is in the same boat. World doesn’t revolve around you and your little darling I’m afraid. Hope that helps.

@Fournaans are you still here!! 🙄

You've commented once. You're not here to help or offer advice - move on.

I think the important thing to do when someone is clearly feeling isolated with a small baby is to take the piss out of her. Well done everyone.

I would get out more and take the baby and see people OP.

Things will improve - you are still recovering from months of pregnancy and the birth, not to mention the crazy hormones, changes in your body and lifestyle and all your new responsibilities. You're doing super well and if your baby is 'easy', that is probably because you and your baby are nicely in sync with each other, so don't under-estimate your achievements!

January is still many months away, so enjoy the moment with your lovely baby and try to think 'small' - ie. live day to day, rest when your baby rests, enjoy meeting friends (even if socially-distanced) and feel grateful. Your baby is flourishing - don't worry about the distant future. Life is not all black and white, either ruined or perfect - there's beauty in every day and this rotten black cloud will pass.

Sorry I sound soppy - am a rushing mum of three in between million tasks! Just wanted to send many hugs and reassure you! Maternity leave is hard work and never quite as we wish it to be (I had a constantly crying baby who wasn't growing properly and couldn't even get out of the front door without drama). Just relax and go with the flow xxx

@Giespeace

I was feeling like this about DS1. He turned one last week and I’d just been feeling so sad that his life has been so restricted and boring compared to what I had planned. Then DS2 was stillborn 4 weeks ago today and the fact is I’d sell my soul to the devil for him to have the chance of the same boring, restricted life that DS1 has. He doesn’t know anything about what he’s missing out on, and it’s only temporary anyway. Soon enough we will be taking him swimming and to more interesting places than our local park and he will be playing with the children of my friends, just as we had imagined. This too shall pass, OP. You have to enjoy every cuddle and giggle for now, and know that you have years ahead of you to do all those other things with your little one. That’s certainly what I’m trying my best to focus on

I'm so sorry for your loss 😔💕

🥰🥰🥰

I understand what you mean, there has been an impact for lots of people of all ages, but your post did make me sad as I am hopeful that there will be improvements and you and your baby will get to have lots of good times in the future.

Monday was my sons anniversary, he died during childbirth. He really was robbed of his future.

@lasophie I can stay on a thread as long as I like. Who made you the board police ?

[quote Fournaans]@chunkyrun the wording is so cringe ! ‘Robbed’ , ‘catch the virus and die’ , ‘brief encounter’ vomit vomit vomit ![/quote]
guys - she's just had a baby! When I had a baby I could barely think, let alone write coherently. Let's be nicer to each other x

Ignore the people being dicks about your wording, some people never left behind their school yard mentality when they became adults.

From reading your OP, it sounds like you may be developing depression and/or anxiety. The bits about losing your motivation for self-care, feeling like there's no point, not finding enjoyment in activities, and feeling constantly fearful all stand out as issues that you need to seek support for. Do you have a HV you could speak to about accessing support for this?

@Strangebrew

I understand what you mean, there has been an impact for lots of people of all ages, but your post did make me sad as I am hopeful that there will be improvements and you and your baby will get to have lots of good times in the future.

Monday was my sons anniversary, he died during childbirth. He really was robbed of his future.

I'm so sorry. 😞

This does really put things into perspective doesn't it.

I'm just having a hard time adjusting to these changes.