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Original poster

To think why bother anymore

187 replies

lasophie · 15/07/2020 09:46

Without meaning to make this post come across as really miserable (which it's probably going to be) I just can't be bothered anymore.

I have a beautiful baby who was born two months before lockdown.

For those few weeks we had a brief encounter with normality.
We had family visit, I went to a local breastfeeding cafe and had coffee with other mums.
Now that's all been taken away.

I feel like me and my baby have both been robbed of this beautiful future we could've had.

Everything now seems so bleak and I just feel like what's the point.

We see friends once a week for a socially distanced garden meet up or walk but I feel
nervous and edgy whilst we're out, always paranoid about people being to close, or about what i may have touched, it's just no fun.

I've gotten to the point where I don't even feel like eating healthy anymore (which is something I've always done)
I just think why make the effort to look nice and be healthy if our lives are going to have to be like this forever.

I could scream and cry and shout all at the same time at the thought of this new "normal".
I don't want to go out to dinner worrying that I might catch a virus and die.
I love clothes shopping but why would I want to go wearing a mask feeling fearful of what I've touched. What's the point.

I'm due back to work in January and the thought just makes me so sad.
I feel like I'm grieving for this wonderful time I
had planned for my maternity leave.

It has been amazing and my baby is just the best, but I feel like I've not given her the best start because of everything that's going on.

Sorry I know my post is very ranty, but I don't know how people are just so happy to accept this way of life. I'm finding it so hard.

OP posts:
WhatInFreshHell · 15/07/2020 13:15

What a nasty thread! OP, please come back! I really hope you can speak with your GP or HV, you may well have PND and this can be treated very quickly. You don't have to feel this way anymore. I've been there and it is thoroughly horrendous, so please look into speaking with a professional. It'll make the world of difference.

LadyEv · 15/07/2020 13:17

I haven't had chance to read the whole thread yet, but I just wanted to say I understand where you're coming from op. I had my baby the first week of lockdown and I feel robbed of experiences I should have had with my little one. She's growing so fast and this is time we have lost and will never get back. While I get every one has been effected by the lockdown in some way it doesn't mean I'm/ we're not allowed to feel resentful or down about the whole situation. I've also developed an anxiety about taking my baby out and won't take her in to shops at all for fear she'd get ill. I've recently been diagnosed in with pnd. I definitely feel it wouldn't have escalated to that if I hadn't been so isolated because of the lockdown. Maybe you would feel better if you could talk to your health visitor too? (Mine was very nice.)

rehomeme · 15/07/2020 13:20

What horrible comments you're getting.

Postnatal depression is extremely common. You think you feel like this because of covid, and that's possible, but there're no control: you've not had a baby before, and you might feel just as hopeless and disappointed without it. I would phone your GP and talk to them. For many of us, ADs are a helpful way out.

Practically, yes, wearing masks is a bit of a pain in the arse but I think one can adjust surprisingly well. I'm typing this in a sushi restaurant in soho where I've just had a lovely lunch with a friend. There was a man here with a toddler and a woman with a baby in a pram is eating outside the cafe opposite. You can go to all these things. Even swimming pools are opening soon. The thing to do, if you can, is let go of the fear. You're very unlikely to contact covid. If you do, you're extremely unlikely to be very ill. (I have had it, confirmed by an antibody test, and it was NOTHING compared to pregnancy and birth!) There is of course a tiny possibility that you could become seriously ill, but there's a tiny possibility of all sorts of bad things happening. The key is not to focus on them.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
theDudesmummy · 15/07/2020 13:25

I hate groups of people I don't know, always have; and when I had PND I was mentally ill enough not to be able to go out to do anything...so even without lockdown I was locked down. What got me out of it was not walks or swims or groups, nice as those might be. It was antidepressant medication, plain and simple. Sometimes you need a medical approach to a medical problem...

You need to be assessed by someone who can decide if this is what you need. I am not saying it is, but that you urgently need to find out if it is, and if not, what other options might help.

LadyEv · 15/07/2020 13:27

Please don't be put off reaching out for help by some of the horrible replies on this thread. I put off accessing help for ages because I thought how I felt was just down to the lockdown and everyone felt the same. But once I'd contacted the health visitor and gp it felt like a weight has been lifted, they couldn't have been nicer and more sympathetic. After that everything moved very quickly as they take postnatal mental health very seriously. I've now been referred to the perinatal mental health team.

Monkeynuts18 · 15/07/2020 13:31

@theDudesmummy

Exactly. It barely takes more than a quick google to find out that catastrophising can be a symptom of depression. But no, some people just prefer to throw insults instead.

magicfarawaytrees · 15/07/2020 13:33

Some horrible people on here. Very bitter it seems. It might not seem a big deal to you, but it is to the OP. OP it won't be like this forever, reading Mumsnet etc does make me feel worse about this virus though and a bit down each time I visit? So maybe try cut going on here down? (Says me, but I have tried to visit much less).

To the OP who recently had a stillbirth- Thanks I'm so sorry to read this :(

PlanetMJ · 15/07/2020 13:36

I think this has to be the nastiest thread I've seen on mumsnet in five years. I really hope the OP hasn't been seriously damaged by some of the vile comments.
Ive worked in mental health too and we cannot underestimate the power of words to both injure and conversely empower.
I've been helped so much by mumsnet support and this thread has really pissed me off. Bloody shame on the pathetic
individuals who piled on to kick this new mum who reached out for kindness when she felt so vulnerable. And thank you to the posters who offered compassion and gentle advice.

1forAll74 · 15/07/2020 13:40

I think that you need to try and be a bit more grown up, and learn to adapt to what has now happened. Life throws up some horrible things sometimes, things that you can't do anything about. Your future has not been ruined, your baby will just need a Mum, and not be bothered about all the things that you can't do right now.

IslandbreezeNZ · 15/07/2020 13:40

OP I don't think the world will be like this forever - it's just for now. I feel for you as I agree you are missing out on what could have been a nicer maternity leave. I try to see this experience as something that will make me appreciate the smaller stuff when life returns to normal. I think normal will be at least a year away but that time will come again x

Topseyt · 15/07/2020 13:43

So the uneducated and ignorant bitches and their nasty comments have probably scared off OP, who is clearly suffering and in need of support. Well done! Hope you all feel great now.

OP, if you are still reading, do come back. Most of us are not like them, I promise. I went through PND. I have also had other mental health issues, and have found lockdown and the pandemic extremely difficult for other reasons.

Your feelings are very valid, and more common than you might realise amongst new mothers. Take away the pandemic issue and I could have written your post almost word for word after my first DD was born.

funinthesun19 · 15/07/2020 13:44

So glad some comments have been deleted. I hope those people are really embarrassed because people didn’t pile in and agree with them!

Don’t be put off posting op. There are lots of nice people here Flowers

verybritishproblems · 15/07/2020 13:46

I think that you need to try and be a bit more grown up, and learn to adapt to what has now happened.

Confused Imagine saying this to someone who may be suffering with their MH.

verybritishproblems · 15/07/2020 13:48

So the uneducated and ignorant bitches and their nasty comments have probably scared off OP, who is clearly suffering and in need of support. Well done! Hope you all feel great now.

I agree, there’s disagreeing and there’s plain nasty. I wonder why MNHQ don’t give out warnings for this sort of behaviour. Forums are meant to be supportive or encourage healthy debate, not hounding people off for sharing their thoughts.

JaJaDing · 15/07/2020 13:52

@1forAll74

I think you need to grow up a bit and try to find some empathy.

SarHar · 15/07/2020 13:52

[quote Fournaans]@Ticketyboop she had the baby 2 months before lockdown so she’s probably 6 months or so now. Hardly ‘just had a baby’[/quote]
Six months was when my postnatal depression started.

I hope you're OK OP. I'm not sure how I would have coped if all this was happening in my son's first year, it was hard enough without it.

Topseyt · 15/07/2020 13:58

@verybritishproblems

So the uneducated and ignorant bitches and their nasty comments have probably scared off OP, who is clearly suffering and in need of support. Well done! Hope you all feel great now.

I agree, there’s disagreeing and there’s plain nasty. I wonder why MNHQ don’t give out warnings for this sort of behaviour. Forums are meant to be supportive or encourage healthy debate, not hounding people off for sharing their thoughts.

I agree with that. I don't know why they don't give out warnings. Behaviour which attacks a new mother who is possibly suffering badly with PND should potentially warrant a ban.
SummerSnapdragon · 15/07/2020 14:02

Please go and tell you HV how you are feeling, I've been there and it's not nice, I would love to give you a hug and tell you it's ok Thanks

theDudesmummy · 15/07/2020 14:16

"Be a bit more grown up"???? WTAF?

Presumably you will never develop any problem that cannot be overcome by "being grown up". And what an attitude to mental distress, never mind mental disorder. What has either to do with being "grown up" or not? And what does that even mean?

I think MNHQ should delete this thread now, it is positively dangerous. And PP, if you are still here, please take the advice to seek professional help, and sadly, I cannot receommend that you look for supportor advice here. There is some excellent support and advice on this thread but also some very very damaging material. PM me if you would like any further signposting to people who can actually help...

Loquebanter · 15/07/2020 14:18

@PlanetMJ

I think this has to be the nastiest thread I've seen on mumsnet in five years. I really hope the OP hasn't been seriously damaged by some of the vile comments. Ive worked in mental health too and we cannot underestimate the power of words to both injure and conversely empower. I've been helped so much by mumsnet support and this thread has really pissed me off. Bloody shame on the pathetic individuals who piled on to kick this new mum who reached out for kindness when she felt so vulnerable. And thank you to the posters who offered compassion and gentle advice.
@PlanetMJ I've been on MN for about 15 years, and it's one of the nastiest I have seen in all that time (and there have been some pretty nasty ones). I can't begin to understand how anyone would think these things, never mind voice them in public.
Monkeynuts18 · 15/07/2020 14:21

OP I know you’ve said you’re not coming back and I don’t blame you. But if you do see this please feel free to PM me if that would help. I had my son a year ago. I had terrible PND and PNA and I don’t know if I could have got through the first 6 months without things like mum and baby groups, breastfeeding clinics and weighing clinics. But you’ve had to, with the anxiety of a pandemic on top, and it’s no surprise at all that you’re feeling low.

I really do get it, as does everyone else who’s been somewhere like where you are (there are lots of us on this thread). It’s incredibly hard and your feelings are 100% valid. Please speak to your HV - they usually take maternal mental health very seriously, because it’s important. And if you do want someone to talk to - although I appreciate your experiences of strangers on the internet hasn’t been great today - then please drop me a message.

TiddyTid · 15/07/2020 14:24

There's some shitters about today isn't there! 🤬

Sorry you are feeling this way OP. I had PND and sounds similar to me. You can't just get over it, pull yourself together etc etc. It doesn't bloody work like that! I really hope you reach out and get the support you need and hopefully start to feel a bit brighter. Thanks

verybritishproblems · 15/07/2020 14:32

Sorry you are feeling this way OP. I had PND and sounds similar to me. You can't just get over it, pull yourself together etc etc. It doesn't bloody work like that!

Exactly. Imagine breaking both your legs and you can’t walk and people saying, oh just grow up and get on with it. It’s clear from this thread we have a long way to go in understanding MH issues.

verybritishproblems · 15/07/2020 14:34

@Topseyt
I agree with that. I don't know why they don't give out warnings. Behaviour which attacks a new mother who is possibly suffering badly with PND should potentially warrant a ban

Yep, people are too free and easy with the spiteful comments on here without thinking of the human at the other end of it.

Budapestpest · 15/07/2020 14:44

I hope you are Ok op. I posted something on mumsnet when my first was a few months old and I had pnd. The nasty spiteful responses made my situation so much worse and I literally stop thinking about them. It really affected me for a long time. That’s what happens when you’re struggling and depressed.
So those of you being shitty, hope this is making you feel good. You should be ashamed