To think why bother anymore

[lasophie]

Without meaning to make this post come across as really miserable (which it's probably going to be) I just can't be bothered anymore.

I have a beautiful baby who was born two months before lockdown.

For those few weeks we had a brief encounter with normality.
We had family visit, I went to a local breastfeeding cafe and had coffee with other mums.
Now that's all been taken away.

I feel like me and my baby have both been robbed of this beautiful future we could've had.

Everything now seems so bleak and I just feel like what's the point.

We see friends once a week for a socially distanced garden meet up or walk but I feel
nervous and edgy whilst we're out, always paranoid about people being to close, or about what i may have touched, it's just no fun.

I've gotten to the point where I don't even feel like eating healthy anymore (which is something I've always done)
I just think why make the effort to look nice and be healthy if our lives are going to have to be like this forever.

I could scream and cry and shout all at the same time at the thought of this new "normal".
I don't want to go out to dinner worrying that I might catch a virus and die.
I love clothes shopping but why would I want to go wearing a mask feeling fearful of what I've touched. What's the point.

I'm due back to work in January and the thought just makes me so sad.
I feel like I'm grieving for this wonderful time I
had planned for my maternity leave.

It has been amazing and my baby is just the best, but I feel like I've not given her the best start because of everything that's going on.

Sorry I know my post is very ranty, but I don't know how people are just so happy to accept this way of life. I'm finding it so hard.

What I mean is that the way the OP has expressed her feelings indicates that this is more than discomfort and sadness about the lockdown/pandemic, which pretty much everyone is feeling to one degree or another, and is another layer of difficulty on top of that, and so actual health intervention is needed.

I am truly shocked by the vileness on this thread. How can anyone even think of being so horrible, never mind actually writing it on a screen?

OP, I have found lockdown incredibly difficult for different reasons. I have also suffered from depression, and several things in your OP are familiar. I really would urge you to see the HV and/or GP. There is help available, and you will come through this.

What's more, I really do believe that we won't end up with a 'new normal'. I am quite sure we will eventually get back to normal, and that we will co-exist with Covid in the same way that we co-exist with flu. We won't be forever wearing masks and being distanced from one another.

I'm not going to tell you to 'see the positives'. Depression doesn't work that way. Please do tell someone in real life how you are feeling, though.
And ignore the shitty posts on here.

OP. Not here to crucify you for your choice of words.

That you are writing whilst clearly feeling something overwhelmingly intense.

Your OP. Oh. I felt like that. Extreme anxiety and severe PND. This was without a pandemic too.

The first step is to speak to someone else about how you are feeling. You've done that on a forum. Which is great. Next step, someone in real life who can help. HV, GP. You can do this. And it will get better.

Some charming people on this thread.

OP you are not being unreasonable, I've also felt like there was no point in bothering with things recently and I don't have the added stress of a newborn baby. It feels like a lot of the positive things that make my life enjoyable have been taken away and not knowing when things will go back to normal makes it worse. It feels a bit like life is on hold, but it will end one day, it has to.

Please talk to a friend, your HV or the GP. Talking about it will make you feel better, people in real life won't be dicks about it. I'm sure all these keyboard trolls are probably suffering a bit too, people who are happy with their life don't tend to kick a new mum who dares to say they are struggling.

Yep - I feel the same often.

DS has a horrific birth and was in NICU and then was in and out of hospital for the first 10 weeks of life. We finally got some freedom and the opportunity to enjoy my maternity leave and lockdown hit.
I’ll be back at work soon and he has literally missed out on all the normal stuff.

However I do try to focus on the fact that he’s thriving despite all he’s had to deal with and I love him just the same. The truth is he probably wouldn’t care even if he knew what he was missing out on.

This has been hard on people’s mental health and having a baby is hard on that too. Get support if you need to, your baby needs you to be the best you can be.

Things will return to normal at some point and we will get through this. Make do for now and try to be thankful for the good things however small they might be .

Watch something like Threads and try to put it in perspective. That helped me. We still have access to so, so many amazing things compared to how life could be. You have a healthy hopefully new baby. I know it's sad and not ideal but trying to look at the positives is the only thing that's helped me.

PS due to my circumstances I have not seen any friends since February. Not one. I am alone 24/7, and usually see a family member maybe twice a month. We have to sit outside in a garden. But I am still very grateful for that. My life has been tipped upside down.

Sounds like post natal anxiety, I’ve been there and can only imagine what this whole situation has added to your distress, you have my sympathy and I think you should speak to a dr and get back on the path to enjoying life again.

I think it's really unhelpful that there is a petition circulating to extend maternity leave for people who had their babies during lockdown. It's only going to increase the antipathy to this group of women - it comes across as "I didn't have the maternity leave I wanted so you should pay for me to have more". When the reality is that no-one has had what they wanted, really, in the past few months. And the other reality is that maternity leave isn't necessarily supposed to be dream.

I think it's unhelpful because obviously it puts people's backs up, but new mothers are a group who need support from society. Part of that support is always, covid or no covid, helping them to adjust to a reality which isn't perfect. Part of it is access to proper mental health support - although that is an issue which is far, far wider than new mothers.

As others have said, I think, OP, that you should talk to someone about how you are feeling e.g. HV or GP. There are things that can help you.

I agree. OP is catastrophising, which isn't a good sign. it's been a Big Year for us all, and having a baby can tip the mental balance in the best of us.

See the doc OP - you'll appreciate getting your perspective and rationality back. The doom will fade, promise.

The nastiness on this thread shames Mumsnet. Horrible.

It really does @PeppaChic, by parents for parents my fat arse.

@whoseafraidofnaomiwolf

What a helpful comment .

@theDudesmummy

What I mean is that the way the OP has expressed her feelings indicates that this is more than discomfort and sadness about the lockdown/pandemic, which pretty much everyone is feeling to one degree or another, and is another layer of difficulty on top of that, and so actual health intervention is needed.

This x1000

The OP’s thinking is screaming depression.

@lasophie please don’t log off and not come back. I don’t know if we have a specific PND board, but there are lovely people on the mental health boards so perhaps try another thread there.

And do speak to your HV or GP. If you are honest with them and they are any good, I think they will see the issues and be able to help.

"Drama llama"?? Do people even know that catastrophising can be a major red flag symptoms of depression? It is not something to be thrown around as a supposed character flaw. I really despair with some of the nasty/ignorant views on this thread. OP, please call your GP or HV today, the sooner you get proper help the better for you and your baby. It will get better. But not on its own, if you leave it.

My friend with a newborn is constantly saying the same. However she is doing online zoom classes- baby massage etc . Would that be any good for you?

Please do listen to me, OP, I am not just a random off the internet, I am a mnetal health professional and I do know what I am talking about.

@theDudesmummy

Unfortunately I think some posters on here have
no understanding of mental health and quite enjoy putting other people down.

So much for #bekind back in February .

@theDudesmummy, well said; I just can’t believe some of the responses. I hope the OP listens to you but I know it’s so hard to drown out all the negative when you are anxious

Although I do feel you're being a bit melodramatic, it is understandable. I think we all build up a picture in our minds of how things will be when we have our first child, and in all honesty things don't pan out that way. You and your baby still have a lovely future ahead of you, you just need to open your mind to other options. Breastfeeding groups and swimming may be lovely, but there are loads of other things you can do. And in a year or two, they'll be a distant memory anyway.
I really do think you should contact your HV or GP as it does sound like you might have PND

@whoseafraidofnaomiwolf
Drama llama?
Be fucking ashamed of yourself.

I cant read the deleted comments but I can only assume theyre not understanding.

Just want to say you're not the only one, my baby was born 2 weeks before lock down and I spent the majority of that in hospital. When shops and restaurants/cafes/pubs started to open i finally started to feel a bit happier and like I can enjoy my maternity now but now i'm so upset of the expectation to wear face masks everywhere which i don't want to do. I definitely feel like it's ruined it all for me. I know people say its more important that people don't die, blah blah but we can't help how we feel.

Hi there,
We're going to take the executive decision to move this thread to Chat now, hopefully that way people will take a little more time to read through.

Breastfeeding groups and swimming may be lovely, but there are loads of other things you can do. And in a year or two, they'll be a distant memory anyway.

This is absolutely true. My post may have drawn attention to all the lovely things you couldn't be doing but can't - I am so sorry, as my intention was to be supportive not the reverse.

I spent hours just walking with DC in a sling or in a pram. We stood and watched trains at the local station! Groups are lovely but other things, which cost no money at all, are equally as valuable.

I hope you are able to get some support OP and apologies for putting hand to keyboard without engaging brain first.