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Original poster

To think why bother anymore

187 replies

lasophie · 15/07/2020 09:46

Without meaning to make this post come across as really miserable (which it's probably going to be) I just can't be bothered anymore.

I have a beautiful baby who was born two months before lockdown.

For those few weeks we had a brief encounter with normality.
We had family visit, I went to a local breastfeeding cafe and had coffee with other mums.
Now that's all been taken away.

I feel like me and my baby have both been robbed of this beautiful future we could've had.

Everything now seems so bleak and I just feel like what's the point.

We see friends once a week for a socially distanced garden meet up or walk but I feel
nervous and edgy whilst we're out, always paranoid about people being to close, or about what i may have touched, it's just no fun.

I've gotten to the point where I don't even feel like eating healthy anymore (which is something I've always done)
I just think why make the effort to look nice and be healthy if our lives are going to have to be like this forever.

I could scream and cry and shout all at the same time at the thought of this new "normal".
I don't want to go out to dinner worrying that I might catch a virus and die.
I love clothes shopping but why would I want to go wearing a mask feeling fearful of what I've touched. What's the point.

I'm due back to work in January and the thought just makes me so sad.
I feel like I'm grieving for this wonderful time I
had planned for my maternity leave.

It has been amazing and my baby is just the best, but I feel like I've not given her the best start because of everything that's going on.

Sorry I know my post is very ranty, but I don't know how people are just so happy to accept this way of life. I'm finding it so hard.

OP posts:
VesperLynne · 15/07/2020 10:36

Don't be so dramatic, you haven't been robbed of anything. This will pass in time and the new normal will look very much like the old normal although it's gonna be interesting to see the effects of lockdown on work practice and society as a whole.

Monkeynuts18 · 15/07/2020 10:36

I understand OP. It’s really hard. Some people on here are so fucking nasty it’s unreal - especially to a new mother. Has everyone forgotten that the first 12 months after giving birth are a really vulnerable time for a woman’s mental health, or is all that #bekind stuff sooo February 2020?

islandislandisland · 15/07/2020 10:36

I think a lot of us feel like this to an extent, focused on the specific area of our lives that's been affected most so in your case having your baby. I also think it's symptomatic of feeling generally depressed about how the world has changed, and there isn't anything wrong with feeling like that. I've lost a lot of my self worth and satisfaction with my job because I can't do face to face work with our clients and the whole thing seems tokenistic and pointless now when it used to give me so much fulfilment. It is a depressing time and I don't think one person's loss is necessarily less worthy than another's.

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Families
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/07/2020 10:36

Wow people are so fucking nasty, as if being a new mother isn’t hard enough. I love how it’s likely all the mums who either have grown up children or children old enough to understand what’s going on and who had a non- pandemic mat leave being vile!

Right OP, a couple of things:
100% is sucks at the moment, and who cares that we are “all in it together”, because tbh we aren’t. Some of us do have it easier than others but your feelings are your feelings, and its gutting to have all your plans fall through.

Secondly I think you need some help to rationalise the virus. The risk to children is so tiny, the numbers are falling. Assuming there are no additional health concerns I really wouldn’t worry. Face masks, no mass gathering etc absolutely but scared to leave the house? No way!
I would push yourself to go out and socialise and see that whilst we have some changes, life is slowly getting back to normal and will continue to do so. If you physically can’t go out then I would speak to your gp!
X

Fournaans · 15/07/2020 10:36

@Ticketyboop she had the baby 2 months before lockdown so she’s probably 6 months or so now. Hardly ‘just had a baby’

Original poster
lasophie · 15/07/2020 10:37

@BankofNook

Ignore the people being dicks about your wording, some people never left behind their school yard mentality when they became adults.

From reading your OP, it sounds like you may be developing depression and/or anxiety. The bits about losing your motivation for self-care, feeling like there's no point, not finding enjoyment in activities, and feeling constantly fearful all stand out as issues that you need to seek support for. Do you have a HV you could speak to about accessing support for this?

@BankofNook

I do have a HV, I was thinking of giving her a call but now I'm not sure I should bother!!
Especially if these responses are anything to go by. 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
lasophie · 15/07/2020 10:37

@BankofNook

Ignore the people being dicks about your wording, some people never left behind their school yard mentality when they became adults.

From reading your OP, it sounds like you may be developing depression and/or anxiety. The bits about losing your motivation for self-care, feeling like there's no point, not finding enjoyment in activities, and feeling constantly fearful all stand out as issues that you need to seek support for. Do you have a HV you could speak to about accessing support for this?

@BankofNook

I do have a HV, I was thinking of giving her a call but now I'm not sure I should bother!!
Especially if these responses are anything to go by. 🙄

OP posts:
Fournaans · 15/07/2020 10:41

This reply has been deleted

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Indecisivelurcher · 15/07/2020 10:41

Hi Op, sorry you're struggling. I know that baby groups and social meet ups were my life line on my 2 maternity leaves so it must be tough. Obviously there is lots you can't do. But I think that there is lots you can do too. You've got all summer to enjoy yourself. Unless you're in a part of the country with high covid 19 numbers then I think you need to try not to let fear stop you doing things. Meet up with friends. Take a picnic. Obviously don't be all over each other but don't be too paranoid either, you don't need to feel on edge. Find a park. Feed the ducks. Visit woods to look at the trees. Walk by a river. Go to the beach. Give your baby some lovely first experiences.

Original poster
lasophie · 15/07/2020 10:42

[quote Fournaans]@Ticketyboop she had the baby 2 months before lockdown so she’s probably 6 months or so now. Hardly ‘just had a baby’[/quote]
@Fournaans

Clearly you have nothing much more to do than troll threads and plays devils advocate.

You seem to me as if you're the bullying type. Great job.

OP posts:
Original poster
lasophie · 15/07/2020 10:43

@Indecisivelurcher

Hi Op, sorry you're struggling. I know that baby groups and social meet ups were my life line on my 2 maternity leaves so it must be tough. Obviously there is lots you can't do. But I think that there is lots you can do too. You've got all summer to enjoy yourself. Unless you're in a part of the country with high covid 19 numbers then I think you need to try not to let fear stop you doing things. Meet up with friends. Take a picnic. Obviously don't be all over each other but don't be too paranoid either, you don't need to feel on edge. Find a park. Feed the ducks. Visit woods to look at the trees. Walk by a river. Go to the beach. Give your baby some lovely first experiences.
Thank you. ☺️
OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 15/07/2020 10:43

I don't want to be harsh: you've just had a baby and clearly its been an awful time to be dealing with a newborn. I do sympathise.

But you do come across as massively catastrophising what's happened. You haven't been "deprived of a beautiful future", you've had a less than optimal start to your baby's life. Which your baby won't remember and which you will come through. You have a healthy child and things will get back to normal. In the scheme of things, missing out on a few breastfeeding coffee mornings isn't going to make any difference.

I'm assuming you don't have PND: if you think you have then you should seek help. Otherwise, I think you need to pull yourself together a bit.

Bibijayne · 15/07/2020 10:44

OP, have you spoken to your GP about possible PND? Flowers

IJustWantSomeBees · 15/07/2020 10:45

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, It's been so difficult to adjust to not seeing our loved ones, hasn't it?

As another PP said, it is not want any of us wanted but this is still precious, special time with your baby; try to find some positives to hold onto

Ignore all the nasty comments from people, it will be due to stuff going on in their own lives Flowers

Original poster
lasophie · 15/07/2020 10:45

@thepeopleversuswork

I don't want to be harsh: you've just had a baby and clearly its been an awful time to be dealing with a newborn. I do sympathise.

But you do come across as massively catastrophising what's happened. You haven't been "deprived of a beautiful future", you've had a less than optimal start to your baby's life. Which your baby won't remember and which you will come through. You have a healthy child and things will get back to normal. In the scheme of things, missing out on a few breastfeeding coffee mornings isn't going to make any difference.

I'm assuming you don't have PND: if you think you have then you should seek help. Otherwise, I think you need to pull yourself together a bit.

How exactly do you expect things will get back to normal?

Normal as in the way life was this time last year? I don't ever see that happening unless there is a vaccine and we can't live expecting there to ever be one.

The most likely scenario is we learn to accept this new way of living to co exist with the virus.

OP posts:
Bibijayne · 15/07/2020 10:45

@thepeopleversuswork catostrophising is a big flag for depressive illnesses. I have serious concerns about OP, based on her comments. I think we shouldn't minimise the possibility of PND here.

IJustWantSomeBees · 15/07/2020 10:46

Also, I've seen Fournaans on another delicate thread being completely unhelpful and insensitive, so don't take it personally it just seems to be their way!

Original poster
lasophie · 15/07/2020 10:47

@Bibijayne

OP, have you spoken to your GP about possible PND? Flowers
@Bibijayne

No I haven't spoken to them.
But I'm pretty sure I do have PND after reading all of the symptoms.

I've been scared to reach out for help.
First time posting here and with some of the responses I don't even feel like calling a GP now!

OP posts:
BankofNook · 15/07/2020 10:49

What’s the HV going to do? Cancel the pandemic for you?

Feel better for having stuck the boot in? I bet you weren't hugged much as a child, were you?

I do have a HV, I was thinking of giving her a call but now I'm not sure I should bother!!

Please call your HV as she can signpost you into support services for possible PND/PNA, it's difficult to say "hey I need help" but I promise that it is the first step in beginning to feel better.

Amibannedorwhat · 15/07/2020 10:49

Well there’s some really nasty people on here, OP pay no attention to the nasty comments. What you’ve said makes sense to me and you certainly do not need to “pull yourself together a bit/give your head a shake” Flowers

MereDintofPandiculation · 15/07/2020 10:50

Of course you've every right to feel how you do. But when you're in a situation you can't change, ranting about it doesn't actually help you survive. You'll survive it better if you seek out the tiny positives and not be forever thinking about what you're missing.

Howmythoughtstheyspinmeround · 15/07/2020 10:50

I think you need to get some counselling for your COVID anxiety and also start something like a gratitude journal even in your phone.

I am very cautious re COVID. I’m just back from a hotel break. I researched properly and asked hotel about their policies and it was absolutely as safe as possible and a lovely break. So you can go out for dinner if you want and if anxiety is stopping you again counselling is needed and can be done online. I’ve swapped to online clothes shopping which could be even nicer for you if you’re busy with the baby as you could scroll while baby is having a nap with a nice cup of coffee and a treat and make it an occasion that way. I am also really enjoying socially distanced met ups with my friends - it’s lovely to hear their news and we’re getting lots of steps in on our walks.

Unfortunately you seem to have fallen into a very negative mindset and are only seeing the bad in everything.

Personally my experience of lockdown has been another failed ivf and wondering if my husband and I ‘beautiful future’ with our babies is ever going to happen. I’ve recognised my thoughts were starting to get harmful and am seeing a counsellor and trying to see the good in my life. With a lovely baby you don’t need to look too far for that and I’d give anything to be in your position

pictish · 15/07/2020 10:52

I hardly think ‘vomit vomit vomit’ was called for. How unpleasant.

Anyway OP - you’re on the coronacoaster on your own planet. I’ve lost my mojo too, I feel like this is a bit of a half-life and I think it’s a shame my kids are having to go through it. Other days I realise it’s ok, we still have much to be thankful for, that it will pass eventually and I feel quite positive.
It’s natural to feel bereft of the things you envisioned you would be doing now, all being normal.

Noodledoodledoo · 15/07/2020 10:52

For those who have not been directly affected by Covid - 19, by which I mean losing close friends or family, I am trying to take the attitude that everyone has it a bit tough, in their own way. No one is worse off than others, those with new babies are missing out, those with toddlers are missing out, those with school aged are missing out, adults are missing out. The majority of people need social contact to help us survive.

Those who are working, juggling childcare, those who are worried about job security its all tough.

What I have found OP is to try and adjust your thinking, I was getting really low so I spent a while alone (not easy with a 5 and 3 year old) trying to look at the positives of the situation. There really are some you just have to flip your thinking a bit.

I would say try to focus on your anxiety around the going out, that is not a good thing to let manifest especially when you have no 'need' to go out. Think of small steps you can take to ease these feelings.

CeibaTree · 15/07/2020 10:54

I do sympathise with you, but having miscarried a baby who should have been born in Feb, I would love to be having a boring time with them. I think there is more to your feelings than the effects of the current situation though, and as pp said you really should talk to someone about PND. Hope life starts to feel easier soon x