Without meaning to make this post come across as really miserable (which it's probably going to be) I just can't be bothered anymore.
I have a beautiful baby who was born two months before lockdown.
For those few weeks we had a brief encounter with normality.
We had family visit, I went to a local breastfeeding cafe and had coffee with other mums.
Now that's all been taken away.
I feel like me and my baby have both been robbed of this beautiful future we could've had.
Everything now seems so bleak and I just feel like what's the point.
We see friends once a week for a socially distanced garden meet up or walk but I feel
nervous and edgy whilst we're out, always paranoid about people being to close, or about what i may have touched, it's just no fun.
I've gotten to the point where I don't even feel like eating healthy anymore (which is something I've always done)
I just think why make the effort to look nice and be healthy if our lives are going to have to be like this forever.
I could scream and cry and shout all at the same time at the thought of this new "normal".
I don't want to go out to dinner worrying that I might catch a virus and die.
I love clothes shopping but why would I want to go wearing a mask feeling fearful of what I've touched. What's the point.
I'm due back to work in January and the thought just makes me so sad.
I feel like I'm grieving for this wonderful time I
had planned for my maternity leave.
It has been amazing and my baby is just the best, but I feel like I've not given her the best start because of everything that's going on.
Sorry I know my post is very ranty, but I don't know how people are just so happy to accept this way of life. I'm finding it so hard.