Do you want to know a secret?

[TwoTribes]

It is something that once known cannot be unknown.

Do you want to know?

For those that need a bit more. It is related to spring/summer and birds. If you know it you will regret knowing it. Do you still want to know?

Well.

Zero idea what's happening on this thread, but I'll tell you one thing:

Ducks are massive rapists.

Ok...

After having sex, sometimes female squirrels scoop out the jizz and eat it.
Figs eat wasps.

Err, that's all I know.

I already hate wood pigeons and their stupid noises; hearing something other than that fucking duh DUHHH duh duh when they get going would actually be nice and might make my intentions towards them less murderous.

It so does not

It was something like “my poor toe, sally” in a book I read once as a child. Can’t remember which book it was

I've never heard "my toe hurts Betty "
Mine say "the real slim shady "

@Iwalkinmyclothing

I already hate wood pigeons and their stupid noises; hearing something other than that fucking duh DUHHH duh duh when they get going would actually be nice and might make my intentions towards them less murderous.

You will hate them even more if all you hear is...

My toe hurts, Betty

(Why don't we have a crying emoji)

@Twenty2

It's nothing to do with losing The Game is it? Because if not, everyone who reads this has now lost

Aaargh I hate you!!!!!

Day 1.

To be fair, the answer is less sanctimonious than expected for a Mumsnet thread that starts with that.

Yes, but NO

I've skipped to the end, not reading

I'm Now going to show some ENORMOUS self restraint and hide this thread.

@Twenty2 I hate you, it had genuinely been about 10 years.

I like the washing machine on a slow spin saying 'roll me a joint', that is genius. Wood pigeons drive me bonkers whatever they are cooing. Genuinely the only creature I'd be happy to shoot down...apart from men with power tools on sunny days.

I'm going to try to forget I ever saw the facts about squirrels and sea otters. I do know about mallards, sometimes we see a drowned female in the lake around mating time. Nature's grimmer side.

I'm sure I heard something similar about dolphins. Yes, yes I know they have a nice smile. Let that be a word of caution to us all.

Things with nice smiles are not always above suspicion.

We've got loads of wood pigeons in our yarden (a bit yard / a bit garden). We call the The So Solid Coo.

@wizzbangfizz sad for you to actually hate wood pigeons!!

@iklboo love that

Shortly after moving into our current house, while still overwhelmed by our proper garden, DH and I watched through the window as two enormous wood pigeons solemnly waddled the length of the lawn towards us... and simultaneously face-planted onto the highly visible (slightly lower) patio bit.

I prefer the Kate Bush version,
A sky of honey or A sea of honey.

No thanks

Omfg sea otters and baby seals....I don't understand why I googled that 😭

I was thinking about walking down the post office steps or whatever that FUCKING ANNOYING "joke" was about.
Still annoys me.

My nose is bleeding

Hahaha! I thought I was the only mad one, I hear 'it's your fault, Lesley'!

Ours must be a different breed. Theirs is quite clearly:

'I feel sick mummy'

It creates a cold sweat every time!

WTF have I stumbled upon here 😂😂 amazing bedtime reading 😂

“I don't know, I got lots of people to lose The Game grin“

I fucking hate you @Twenty2.....

😂😂😂

I'm listening to a wood pigeon right now, and every so often he's adding in a random 6th syllable. It's louder than the others too.

"My toe hurts Betty. FUCK!"