Drag queen at wedding

[wedding2021]

I'm considering having a drag queen sing at my wedding. What would you think if you were at a wedding and a drag queen had been booked to perform? Obviously they'd tone it down a bit with swearing etc.

You may be happy with the idea but lots of your guests probably won’t be. It’s a bit tacky.

OP, if you're still there (can't see past these posters having their own private argument), what you're suggesting sounds just like the one I went to. It was all good natured, lots of cheesy songs that got everyone up dancing. Great fun. Just whatever you do don't have a storytime. Or a Santa. Could get ugly.

That's not what you said earlier though is it? I was a bigot and an unwanted "spokesperson".

Read the bloody thread. I did say it earlier. I also think you are saying bigoted things, but I have not, in fact, called you a bigot.

I also think that there is a disturbing dynamic on MN, where it is somehow ok to say anything you like about the LGBT community, however offensive or absurd, so long as you claim to be motivated by concern for 'the lesbians'.

There are also a number of lesbians on MN (and a much greater number not on MN), who would as soon not have their identities co-opted into bigotry.

And, btw, no matter how many times you claim that I, or other posters, 'called you a bigot,' the fact is that you like claiming this word is used to describe you.

So far as I can see in this whole thread, the first person to use the term was you, in a straw man argument you've repeated multiple times. Yes, one poster has then used the term to disagree with your position. But most often, it comes up in your own posts or those of joe, where you're both insisting you are silenced by people labelling you bigots.

This just isn't true.You're here, you're putting your position across, and those of us disagreeing have not been labelling you a bigot. Personally, I've said at least twice that I understand some concerns with drag and some issues with Pride marches. I have some nuance in my opinions and the ability to acknowledge I might understand where you're coming from despite not sharing your conclusions.

It'd be really nice if you could manage at least not to misrepresent everyone who disagrees with you.

Probably a little too niche for a wedding. May not go down well with some more conservative guests. If it's for an evening do with all younger people, it's probably ok. I would love it but I can see it's not everyone's cup of tea.

What would you think if you were at a wedding and a drag queen had been booked to perform?

Tacky.

“What would you think if you were at a wedding and a drag queen had been booked to perform?“

Love it!

When we got married we did pretty standard stuff and had a live band that went down well.

We had all ages from babies to old. I think at a wedding you need to cater to a range which is why they end up generic, as it's things that most people like (food, booze, places people can sit and chat who don't see each other very often, dancing for those who want).

Generally you think, what will we and our guests enjoy.

I think this thread shows that drag is not for everyone.

Depends what sort of wedding. If you've got a smallish group of like minded friends and family IE people you know well and they will definitely all like it, ok. If you've got a range of people and ages I'd say it's not a good idea.

If she's a good drag queen - great, I love it.

Why call them ‘she’? The character they play is female but they are - by the very nature of the act - male.

Why call them ‘she’? The character they play is female but they are - by the very nature of the act - male

It's a character as you say - so why not?

Why call them ‘she’? The character they play is female but they are - by the very nature of the act - male.

Because when in role, they're playing a female character. The word 'she' refers to the character, not the person underneath.

Well it's not about role really is it.

When women play a man in a production/ film eg Glenda Jackson as king Lear, I don't think people said 'is he any good'.

Drag comes from gay male scene obv and the convention comes from there which is AOK obv. eg killer Queen by Queen he's not talking about a woman is he. But recently the mainstreaming of parts of gay culture within general society ie without that context, and of course the overlap with other current topics that are contraversial, the calling a man she because they are dressed as a woman becomes something that some people are not comfortable with.

You're missing the point, it absolutely is about role. If you were talking about a queen and said "is she any good" you're talking about the character being any good - good lipsyncer, engages the crowd etc. The person underneath is often very different to their drag persona and out of drag they may struggle with that. If you wanted to discuss the man himself then you'd say he (as in "he supported the Democrats" etc).

To take your example, if I saw a Lear performance and Lear was performed by a woman (dressed as a man), I absolutely would say "Wow I can't believe how he treated Cordelia" etc. I am discussing the character, not the person. If discussing the actor herself then I would use she (she is so talented, I've seen her perform in before).

What about men that work with children in early years and nursery etc?

You mean the men who have studied, gained qualifications and are DBS checked so cause no concern in being around children? The same men who are working in a professional setting and adhering to policies about physical contact etc.?
Why would anyone have a problem with that?..

Its not the same as a man who thinks putting on a corset, thong, heels and fishnet tights makes him a woman and makes a living out of being vulgar and offensive.

Drag doesn’t come from the gay scene. Drag has been around for centuries.

The op is going for it, posted somewhere but didn’t seem to get much response

@WhatwouldLangdo
If you read the thread before and after that was posted, it was obvious why it was said. People had issues about a man in a dress working with children in a library.

The thread was hijacked for some unknown reason and it was no longer about drag.

@canigooutyet

I have read the full thread and commented about coming across a vile drag act that spewed Jimmy Saville jokes for long enough that I left and haven't been back to that bar since. And I completely agree with the comments about womanface and drag being misogynistic. I'm also against drag story time in schools and libraries. Children should be taught about inclusivity but not at the expense of being exposed to highly inappropriate role models like Flo Job.

It's not just a man in a dress though is it? There's no problem with males liking or doing things that are stereotyped as being 'female' (like the photo upthread of one man in a dress on the red carpet and another wearing a dress and elaborate make-up) and its deliberately obtuse to insist that is what the issue is for some posters here.

Drag doesn’t come from the gay scene. Drag has been around for centuries.

I'm fairly sure the gay scene has been around for centuries too!

I'd say by definition drag comes from the gay community; cross-dressing does not. But that's probably up for debate.

I’ve seen some bloody awful drag acts in my time. The only positive thing I could say is I’d prefer it to clowns but that’s a bit like saying I’d prefer it to an I’m a celebrity challenge where rats scamper over you in a cage.

As a Catholic and member of the “LGBT community” who has payed close attention to the abuse scandal then one thing that can be spotted by a blind man on a galloping horse is that a lot of abuse was well known about and nobody spoke up, or those who did were shouted down, because the Religious at the heart of it were literally seen as hallowed. There are echoes of it in current activism where when you see something wrong and speak up you are denounced as prim and unspeakably vanilla and bigoted. It’s wrong. Drag Queens are just as likely to be abusive as any other man, and like priests, special attention should be paid to anyone who manipulates the system and tries to skip around safeguarding measures that are in place to protect children. Also, adult entertainment is for adults. Children can be taught to “be yourself” without it.

Not entirely sure a man singing can be counted as a drag act tbh.

special attention should be paid to anyone who manipulates the system and tries to skip around safeguarding measures that are in place to protect children

That's absolutely a fair point.

StampMc this is so true. We have seen from the recent inappropriate behaviours we have seen in all sorts of places (NSPCC springs to mind) that the rainbow wash seems to override any thoughts of safeguarding at the moment. And the abuse that women and this site gets for raising concerns about this is monumental.