Jilly Coopr character Lockdown competition thread

[BalloonSlayer]

The most successful thread I ever started was about wanting to be a Jilly Cooper character.

Since lockdown, this has started to feel more achievable. See my scores below:

• Cut my own fringe: 3 points (scissors hadn't just been used to cut bacon first, deduct one point)

• car is Absolutely Filthy: 3 points (not a golf, mini or Porsche so as no other cars exist in Jillyworld, deduct one point.)

• "old trousers and a shrunk t shirt made her bum and boobs look huge," yeah whole three points for this one

• anthropomorphising my pets like crazy. No he wasn't showing how much he loves you, he wanted his dinner! 3 points.

• Smell of wild garlic making me miss going out to restaurants : 3 points. (Not sure if that is wild garlic or something else actually, deduct one point.)

So that's 12/15 for me. How is everyone else doing?

Yesterday I trimmed my 25 m hedge in my bra and pants, a Panama hat, and flip flops. I got stung by nettles and scratched by briars - blood was running down my arm (a bit).
Not an actual JC re-enactment, but in the spirit, I think? Do I get points?

Oh and fringe - check, filthy Mini - check, garden under nails - check.
I also picked some wild garlic with the intention of making pesto, but it won’t work, I know.

I love Polo, but it never gets much love from others on JC threads :( I will happily read any of them though, they are all marvellous. I see the signs for Belviour quite often and take delight in knowing how to pronounce it, but not correcting others obviously...

Oh lucky you @SophocIestheFox. He wouldn’t look twice at me. Well if he did he’d be blowing out his cheeks to imitate mine. I’m plump you see. Any man would struggle to steer my 11 stone (plus) bulk around the dance floor.

I always preferred Jake anyway or even Billy with his laughing, down turned eyes.

@mcdog I love Polo! My mum took me up to London for a book signing when that came out and Jilly said she liked my top 😀😀😀. My mum was horrible and made me wait a month until my birthday for the book.

Cut my own fringe - check
Garden under my nails - check
11 stone bulk (and the bloody rest) - check
Wild garlic - check
Filthy car - check

But the piece de resistance - bottle of Fracas! Check!

Never read a Jilly Cooper in my life, but I love these threads

The trouble with "Polo", imo, is that we're supposed to like Perdita.
Who's an awful cow.

Lots of it is pure JC excellence though.

And I'm desperate to know how Chessie makes the pudding at Christmas consisting of a ball of sweetened whipped cream, rolled in chocolate to look like a polo ball.

How? Just... how?

(Can't remember now if coconut was involved too)

I doubt it’ll happen for me either united I live in such a frightfully unsmart part of London, he’ll never be able to find me

I love Polo too, mcdog! Luke is my favourite, I’d take him over RCB any day and twice on Sundays.

I’m just working my way through all of them, just got to TMWMHJ.

I am now an ‘ancient old crone’as I am over 50. 😕

I am longing for that feeling of being wildly over excited, drinking buckets of white wine and wandering around in a bikini trailing dogs, their eyes narrowed against cigarette smoke.

I’ve been letting the house become a tip as my nose is always in a book of poetry.
So much so I haven’t noticed the puppy has chewed up my sling backs.

I would say either Rivals or The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous

To start with, I mean

I've just got there too @fanthorpe - and have discovered that I too am ancient in Lysander's eyes, being in the latter part of my thirties.

It's ok, because as I am heavier than poor fat Tory, (ie over 9st) I am also the butt of everyone's jokes and should go on a crash diet IMMEDIATELY.

Sophocles, ah but Ruppert can be very affected. It might only be a mile from Malise's.

(I started Riders last night, so I'm currently a bit down on Rupert and thinking how lovely Malise was to Helen at the party.)

Kindle have a Rivals and Riders ebook bundle, they must have read this thread 😁

Ruppert?! Rupert.

Riders was 1985 apparently. I always think they’re earlier because of Jilly Cooper’s 70s hair!

I love the Mumsnet Jilly Cooper threads!

I don’t think I’ll forget reading Riders as a teenager and the bit where Rupert has sex with a girl in a field, and then uses some grass to wipe her down after. Grass in your vagina! Pure JC.

@FayKnights I've just downloaded that bundle

I like Polo too but Perdita is SUCH a bitch!

Was Perdita the daughter of lovely Daisy who married lovely Ricky?!

Ricky who was married to the dastardly devastating Chessie who did rude things with some rich man whilst up in his plane?!

No-one is going to get much done today! We’ll all be too busy with RCB (the bounder!)

plane

Chopper

Yes, Perdita was result of a one night stand between Daisy and RCB.

Embarrassingly, Perdita tries to shag RCB at one point (before finding out the history).