Jilly Coopr character Lockdown competition thread

[BalloonSlayer]

The most successful thread I ever started was about wanting to be a Jilly Cooper character.

Since lockdown, this has started to feel more achievable. See my scores below:

• Cut my own fringe: 3 points (scissors hadn't just been used to cut bacon first, deduct one point)

• car is Absolutely Filthy: 3 points (not a golf, mini or Porsche so as no other cars exist in Jillyworld, deduct one point.)

• "old trousers and a shrunk t shirt made her bum and boobs look huge," yeah whole three points for this one

• anthropomorphising my pets like crazy. No he wasn't showing how much he loves you, he wanted his dinner! 3 points.

• Smell of wild garlic making me miss going out to restaurants : 3 points. (Not sure if that is wild garlic or something else actually, deduct one point.)

So that's 12/15 for me. How is everyone else doing?

Urgh she was the absolute worst.

I adore Lysander.

I found it confusing and unfair that in Riders, Rupert suddenly became this great hero at the end and Jake became the bad guy (and later on his kids had flat Birmingham accents, how distasteful).

Also, didn’t Ricky kill his and Chessie’s little boy in when drunk-driving? But Chessie is the evil one, naturally.

He did. But he went to prison and was very sorry, so that’s ok.

Love all the references to, ‘that shit, Campbell-Black’! Wasn’t he supposed to have been based on Camilla Parker Bowles’s ex husband?

I’m so glad I’ve got something I want to read, nothing was holding me attention, so I went back to my happy teenage place of Riders. I’m older and wiser and understand that JC was longing for a hero to be handsome, sexy and kind to her as much as I was.

‘My’ attention!

@ItsABitOfAShitFightMate
“I have been caught unawares and didn’t have time to wash my hair or shave my armpits, which are emanating a sort of sexy herby animal scent.”
can’t stop laughing at this

Has anybody had tissues or rare plants shoved up "themselves" post sex?

In JC world, women seem to waddle around with half a toilet roll stuffed between their legs post-sex, only for it to be exposed by the up draft from a helicopter's blades.

Am I disgusting because I just pulled my pants up and/or went for a shower?

I never liked polo. Perdita was conceived as a result of what was basically a gang rape (Daisy too drunk to give consent, couldn't remember anything, then completely shamed.) Then Ricky kills his son drunk driving yet we are supposed to feel sorry for him???? He swears off drink out of guilt but is quaffing booze again by the end do he can't have felt that bad. And Perdita is just vile.

Can you imagine the AIBU if you were thinking of dating Ricky?

Hmmm. I don’t have a fringe to cut, so no points there. However, once DHs new clippers arrive I am going for him and I’ve only ever trimmed a spaniel, and quite frequently with horse clippers, so I’m claiming a preemptive point as I think that’s fairly Jilly. I shall come back and award myself an extra point if I give him a bald spot

Car filthy - as always. And it is a shaming old banger so a full three points there.

I have dug out my comfy old trousers which do nowt for the appearance of my mum tum but they are like day pyjamas, so I claim the full three there.

Wild anthropomorphism - check, three points.

No wild garlic around here but I am enjoying the blossoming hedgerows and also ran through a nettle patch (alas, unlike Janey it was not in the cause of a good shag) so I’m awarding myself a point there too.

12 points. Excellent. And a burgeoning need to reread Rivals (my personal favourite!). 👍

Oh, I would also like to propose points for eating too many biscuits to keep warm every time the temperature drops, and claim all of them!

Ah yes, I had forgotten the details. It’s quite a few years since I read them.

There’s a more recent book (can’t remember which), and somewhere towards the end, there is a drunken party situation, and an underage girl is basically raped and there is no moral commentary on it whatsoever.

Grim stuff really. As long as it’s glamorous!?

inthekitchensink

You’re welcome!

Wasn’t he supposed to have been based on Camilla Parker Bowles’s ex husband?

Yes, I read this. If you look at pictures of Andrew Parker-Bowles when he was young, you can sort of see how he might play Rupert - he has an arrogant but laid back vibe.

@UnitedRoad
I remember someone at school reading Imogen when it was published as a magazine serial, and we all screamed with laughter at "you look like a daisy field-may I roll in you?"

ItsABitOfAShitFightMate God yes, I’d expunged the details of the more recent ones from my mind. I love a bit of Jilly, but her sexual politics really haven’t moved with the times

I also dislike Polo, for all the reasons BalloonSlayer says. DS was about the same age as Ricky France-Lynch’s little boy last time I read it and I was surprised that it actually quite upset me. Won’t be in a rush to read that one again.

Rivals though... love it!

*and his eyes crossing from drink

Yes! Like a Siamese cat.*
That was Nicky in Imogen, wasn't it?

Love this thread. I’m pregnant with a girl and desperate to call her Taggie. But would it be the same if she didn’t have a ‘cloud’ of dark hair? More likely to be flat and a bit limp, if she inherits mine.

Taggie is Agatha really, right?

Btw what colour is RCB’s hair, in all of your minds? To me he absolutely has to have dark hair. But I think on telly he was played by a blond guy - ? Just feels wrong to me.

That was Nicky in Imogen, wasn't it?

Probably.
Also Dino in "Riders".

Jilly never lets a simile go unused.

Btw what colour is RCB’s hair, in all of your minds?

I'd rather that, in my mind, he was dark haired. Don't fancy blondes.

But he was blond in the books. Definitely.

As I suspected! Thanks. Wonder if everyone else shares our preference.

Yes-definitely blond.

Did anyone watch the TV version they did in the 90s with Michael Praed as Jake?!

I have navy blue sheets and a navy blue towel (somewhere )
I like banks of freesias (but cannot get them at the moment)
So I cannot cover up the smell of the cats litter tray with them (that's a lie , I empty it )

I can eat too many smoked salmon pies with scrambled egg on them
Or claim I have forgotten to eat so someone will rustle up some boiled rice and lobster with spinach (or something)

I had the 'name' books ( Emily , Harriet, Octavia et al ) bought for me by DH before he was my H . All had the photos of Jilly as the lead . (They re-did the covers as drawings , not the same)

Like Octavia , I had some ridiculously expensive pink/white striped dungarees but I didn't wear them with nothing underneath. Or a silver sequin dress

All of the horrible selfish arseholes end up with someone lovely
Perdita / Luke
RCB / Tab
Ricky / Daisy

Did anyone else really like Score?

Wonder if everyone else shares our preference.

Not sure, but many years ago I read an article about writing for Mills and Boon romances and the heroes were predominantly dark haired.

A tiny amount were ginger; I got the impression that was a niche taste.

Or a silver sequin dress

"Now you see me, now you don't"?