Jilly Coopr character Lockdown competition thread

[BalloonSlayer]

The most successful thread I ever started was about wanting to be a Jilly Cooper character.

Since lockdown, this has started to feel more achievable. See my scores below:

• Cut my own fringe: 3 points (scissors hadn't just been used to cut bacon first, deduct one point)

• car is Absolutely Filthy: 3 points (not a golf, mini or Porsche so as no other cars exist in Jillyworld, deduct one point.)

• "old trousers and a shrunk t shirt made her bum and boobs look huge," yeah whole three points for this one

• anthropomorphising my pets like crazy. No he wasn't showing how much he loves you, he wanted his dinner! 3 points.

• Smell of wild garlic making me miss going out to restaurants : 3 points. (Not sure if that is wild garlic or something else actually, deduct one point.)

So that's 12/15 for me. How is everyone else doing?

Ooh start at the beginning with Riders.
I'm dead jealous actually that you'll get to enjoy it afresh!

I've just finished rereading all of them for the millionth time and it's dated very badly (which I tried to ignore for the most part!)

Have you taken the dogs for a walk wearing an old huge Barbour you found hanging up in the boot room?

Gatekeeper, actually my hair stinks! But I’m enjoying my armpits. I’m a bit of a dirtbag.

Thanks Pelleas and Itsa. Duly noted - have just finished my last book on Kindle so am off to download Riders, Rivals and Emily

The bit where Janey is trying to work from home is spot on though.

Car is filthy but nothing hilly would approve of
Cut dds hair does that count?
T-shirt and trousers defo small dratted snacking
Only decent conversation I get is with the cat
No wild garlic but plenty of weed herb smells

Rivals is me favourite but I also like the shorter ones...Harriet, Emily, Octavia etc. I also love the collection of short stories Lisa& Co esp Kate's Wedding and a Pressing Engagement

Riders was written in the 70s and mostly set in the 70s. I think it's great nostalgia.

I love Prudence, Bella and Imogen!

Not so keen on Bella but bloody love the rest- with a pot of tea and some Malteasers I am set for the night

Oh I need this thread! Comfort reading Riders for the billionth time right now.

Not sure about my score as I've gone completely to seed:

Plenty of gardening and hair washing to get the mud out of my nails (classic)

Observing the cow parsley frothing in the bosky hedgerows

Not bothering to wear a bra (Janey never does...)

Drinking too much white wine in the sun with lunch/dinner/supper/pretty much any time.

God I wish I could jet off to Rome or Les Rivaux or LA right now though. Preferably wearing Helen's amazing wardrobe and with her budget!

haha- have you just changed your name for this?

I opened the window and looked out onto the fecund (like my wildly overgrown pubes) trees and shrubs, and breathed in the scent of wild garlic.
“When will loife return to normal?” I wondered aloud in my common Black Country accent. Then I picked my nose, and broke wind, because my parents hadn’t been able to afford to send me to boarding school.

only special friends get to join the mousie club...or summat like that

why is a tampon like an Upland girl?

I don’t know?

Because they're both stuck up ...

Haha Shitfight when you farted you might have discovered RCB was on the next balcony

I don't think I have ever farted angrily myself, however, although maybe the "snapped and farted" mumsnetter was Cameron Cook.

There's a thread in AIBU right now that could have been written by Mousie. Teeny tiny. Why is everyone intimidated by me? Nose crinkle.

or Cavendish as Monica called her

haha- I love this thread admittedly I have had a couple of gins

I look like Lizzie Vereker as I am three stone overweight

Gatekeeper you may join the Mousie club. I shall lend you one of my fine ge-owns to wear to the open gardens so the plebs may witness my beautiful clashing petunias.

Actually that's another Jilly point - I've been asked to take part in the village 'virtual' open gardens this year. Possibly because I'm the only saddo who bought seeds and bulbs before the lockdown so I have lots of flowers. I'll have to hide the mountains of plastic kids' toys.

Kortnee please don't tell everyone about my post. I have to uphold standards for Sharon else the pony club mummies will judge me.

I want to wear a ginger knickerbocker outfit though