Jilly Coopr character Lockdown competition thread

[BalloonSlayer]

The most successful thread I ever started was about wanting to be a Jilly Cooper character.

Since lockdown, this has started to feel more achievable. See my scores below:

• Cut my own fringe: 3 points (scissors hadn't just been used to cut bacon first, deduct one point)

• car is Absolutely Filthy: 3 points (not a golf, mini or Porsche so as no other cars exist in Jillyworld, deduct one point.)

• "old trousers and a shrunk t shirt made her bum and boobs look huge," yeah whole three points for this one

• anthropomorphising my pets like crazy. No he wasn't showing how much he loves you, he wanted his dinner! 3 points.

• Smell of wild garlic making me miss going out to restaurants : 3 points. (Not sure if that is wild garlic or something else actually, deduct one point.)

So that's 12/15 for me. How is everyone else doing?

I wouldn't mind being in lockdown at Penscombe. Taggie's cooking and lots of dogs. I think I would be too common for Rupert to put up with though

LadyMonicaBaddingham

I was about to put on my silver flying suit

Don't!

You'll never find the right zip when you want to go to the lav!

You’ll just have to take the whole thing off and lay it on the floor. So you’ll be totally naked, in mid wazz, and that insufferable oaf (who you’ll later have red hot sex with and go on to marry) barges in and has a good look.

Jilly herself just popped up on the BBC1 VE day commemorations!

Filthy car, check.
Trimmed the kids hair, does that count?
Bits of garden under nails, check.
Alas though, if only my fridge was filled with champagne and smoked salmon, and my bed were filled with Billy...

Is it the wrong season for cottage pie at the kitchen table, shared with Rupert of course? I feel like it's an autumnal dish really.

Maybe a shepherd’s pie? Lambs and that. Followed by rhubarb crumble!

Washed down with several bottles of vintage red from the cellar.

Did anyone read the one about schools? Loved Janna and the teachers (Emlyn?) but some of the school stuff was outrageous!!?

Was that Wicked? I read it years ago, and if I remember correctly it was a bit... underage?

Love Jilly. I think if I’m any of her characters I’m probably Podge the obliging stable girl. I dream of being Imogen though. She’s my favourite, even though there’s moth in the seat of her bathing dress that Lady Javinta meant for the jumble sale.

Oh yes, Lady Jacintha’s bathing costume! Not quite the same league as Cable’s 20 bikinis! Wasn’t Matt divine though

Purple sprouting brocklehurst?!

Which one has the nativity play? I remember crying with laughter at parts of that.

I think Rivals and Appassionata are probably my favourites.

Matts been my dream man since I first read about him. How could she have thought him ugly? Excuse my typos earlier, it’s late, and I was so excited that other people might have read Imogen. I recommend it to people as the ultimate romantic novel, and am so disappointed when they tell me it’s dated. How can it be?

Poor Imogen could never compare to Cable or Yvonne or even Tracy (I think it was Tracy), who had the fantastic bosoms, and thought Bodley Head wrote quite well, but give her a haircut and a new frock, and she was the toast of the riviera. Maybe that’s all I need. I’ve got to stop trimming my fringe with the scissors I’ve used to cut the rind off bacon...

I’m not sure about the nativity. I think I’m due a reread

Off topic completely, but I remembered sweet Staffordshire dogs and rockingham cows being mentioned, and I didn’t have a clue what they looked like, so I’ve just googled. These are Staffordshire dogs, and I think they’re going to give me nightmares.

Why on Earth would they give you nightmares UnitedRoad?

Bonk buster

First time I've heard that in a while

This garden-hairs-nails washing thing - I'm not as familiar with JC as I am with JT, but am absolutely sure that's also something one of Joanna Trollope's characters says (I think it's a garden designer mother-in-law) in A Village Affair. I just looked them both up, and Jilly has described her as a "best friend", so it must been written as a nod to Jilly! Which is rather nice. Or jolly nice.

Imogen so naive but saved a child’s life had a make over and went off with the writer

@HoofWankingSpangleCunt Isn’t it just the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? I think JC describes them as sweet in several books, so they must be.

This is the a rockingham cow she writes about. I don’t know what I imagined it was when I first read these books, but it wasn’t this abnormally small-headed monstrosity.

OP do you also have a link to your original JC thread? I’ve tried to find it and can’t but I remember loving it at the time!

Rivals is her best book.

I'm wondering whether to put on my body stocking today, paired with my Winnie-the-Pooh character socks.

(Jilly either can't quite cope with new-fangled terms - now quite old-fashioned - like "body" or "Winnie-the-pooh socks" or thinks her readers haven't come across such exotica.
Either way, she over-explains a lot of things.
Like Pearl in "Wicked!" always referring to "my boxer dad", in case that fact was forgotten. Despite the whopping character glossaries provided at the beginning of the book.)

TMWMHJ is my favourite. I want a Lysander.
Cut my fringe, check.
Cut the dog's fringe, check.
Evened out the dog's fringe.
Evened out the dog's head.
Evened out whole dog.

I bought a Fracas copy last year after the thread we had then. No idea what the real one smells like but the copy is nice.

My clean hair is definitely flopping into my eyes, as I haven’t had a haircut since February.

Better man tan my legs and massage in some skin food, in case RCB rolls up to my ravishing cottage, fresh from taming some delinquent horse, with a bottle of champagne, a vast bottle of Fracas and his eyes crossing from drink, ready to ravish me on my ravishing but slightly grubby striped silk four poster.

and his eyes crossing from drink

Yes! Like a Siamese cat.