Jilly Coopr character Lockdown competition thread

[BalloonSlayer]

The most successful thread I ever started was about wanting to be a Jilly Cooper character.

Since lockdown, this has started to feel more achievable. See my scores below:

• Cut my own fringe: 3 points (scissors hadn't just been used to cut bacon first, deduct one point)

• car is Absolutely Filthy: 3 points (not a golf, mini or Porsche so as no other cars exist in Jillyworld, deduct one point.)

• "old trousers and a shrunk t shirt made her bum and boobs look huge," yeah whole three points for this one

• anthropomorphising my pets like crazy. No he wasn't showing how much he loves you, he wanted his dinner! 3 points.

• Smell of wild garlic making me miss going out to restaurants : 3 points. (Not sure if that is wild garlic or something else actually, deduct one point.)

So that's 12/15 for me. How is everyone else doing?

poor fat Sharon

I just adore the rank, sexy smell of wild garlic in the Painswick valley

love riders , rivals and have a soft spot for Imogen

I'm watching my neighbours with their manicured lawn and serried ranks of bulbs offering each other "a whaite waine" and worrying about "gettin' tiddly".

Can't understand why they don't realise that with my bottle of vodka a day habit, day-old mascara smeared under my eyes and safety-pin holding my shorts waistband closed, I'm obviously much smarter (meaning posher) than they are

Should I offer Mrs Neighbour some skin food and base to replace her moisturiser and foundation?
Or shall I just give in and put on a shirtwaister?

Lost points because my daily can’t come and make huge in-roads into my gin

Am pregnant so can’t get mildly tight but would love some Earl Grey with honey...

Also hugely disappointed that Mr LaMars can't indulge in his usual hobby* of hitting people across the room because it would break social distancing rules.

*Ooh! Outing

I have ordered plants online but they have come in all sorts of colours.

Have suddenly got the horrors that my garden is going to be all clashing fuchsia, purple and orange like Valerie Jones's.

AIBU lamars to be disappointed (for you) that your DH is only hitting people across the room, and not bread rolls . . .

This is lovely! When I've reread one I can't stop thinking in Jilly-speak. The Man Who.. is my absolute favourite, even if Kitty's accent written down makes me cringe. Lysander is to die for.

I have a filthy Golf. And labradors. And horses. Sadly no RCB but I do think about Jilly's characters far too much.

If anyone would like to read something in the same vein as Jilly's books, try Incapability Brown by Cressida Ellen Schofield. Reminded me a bit of Harriet/Prudence but with more horses.

Lysander giggles a lot though . . .

10 points, although surely I get a few points for wearing an ancient old aran sweater (and not much else) as I picked aphids off the roses and crushed them between my nails earlier? Tragically I do have an 11 stone bulk.

I'm going to start a reread tonight. Is it worth reading TMWMHJ? It's the only one I haven't, someone on here before told me ir was disappointing

For the poster who was interested in starting reading Jilly Cooper I'd really recommend the Backlisted podcast about Imogen by JC as an intro. They were quite sniffy about her but get swung round I think (mainly by the male guest - Cambridge don who loves her, I rolled my eyes a fair bit at the presenters).

I've reread Riders for the millionth time recently and there are bits that are quite challenging for today I think. I had to skim over bits. Bloody love Rivals though.

I need to loose 2 stone, cut my nails and shave my legs so I think I'm on target!

BalloonSlayer

AIBU lamars to be disappointed (for you) that your DH is only hitting people across the room, and not bread rolls . . . wink

Tsk!

Obviously bread rolls too!

Like a truncheon, I tell you...

(Was it a truncheon? Whatever it was, I remember Janey sitting up in bed, excited, when Billy told her)

All I'm saying is the Wicked Larkminster Comp & Baguely Hall Home schooling collaboration

All the Larkminster lot doing bugger all because well none of the teacher CBA to set stuff. All the Baguely hall parents pissed off because they're stuck with their offspring.

Is it worth reading TMWHMJ?

Yes, definitely. The only ones that have really disappointed me were the very late ones, Mount and Jump. I preferred TMWHMJ to Polo, though after Rivals, Apassionata is my second favourite.

Bugger, I’m losing already!
Never cut my hair, it’s extremely curly so never needs it. No points.

Car is filthy. 2 points only as a 4x4

• "old trousers and a shrunk t shirt made her bum and boobs look huge-any clothes demonstrate this-3 points!

• anthropomorphising my pets like crazy. He was being extra adorable because he wants to go out! 3 points.

• Smell of wild garlic making me miss going out to restaurants : clueless as to what it looks like, nulle points.

A pathetic 8 points. Fail. However, thighs rubbing together uncomfortably in the heat-bonus 3 points!

Hold up, horse owner! Bonus 3 more points, so 14!! 🥳

Yes - Of the latter books, Pandora is awful (read once and discarded) and never managed to get through Wicked at all. Jump and Mount are not too bad, at least RCB appears. Score! is good value as it's a bit of a murder-mystery although I'll never agree with Flora cheating on George with ghastly Baby.
Oh, and Lysander generally throws back his head and laughs, showing his good teeth mostly after making some rubbish pun.

One word to make Jilly fans shudder - buttercunt .

My body has "wilted like a peony" 😑

Oh I’m not angry, I’m just a frightful scrubber who has never learned any manners.

I did laugh immoderately over that fart. In fact, it was a volley of farts, so I must gain points for that performance.

Sadly, all the neighbouring balconies are occupied by fellow scrubbers. Not a double-barrelled posho to be found round here.

Ha, I was just thinking of buttercunt. It would go awfully rancid in the hot weather!

Ew. I was about to put on my silver flying suit, but I think I'll have to go and lie down. I can't cope with scenes like that...

I wandered outside to the VE celebrations in a mans dress shirt with my hair slicked back , the wives were very suspicious...