Jilly Coopr character Lockdown competition thread

[BalloonSlayer]

The most successful thread I ever started was about wanting to be a Jilly Cooper character.

Since lockdown, this has started to feel more achievable. See my scores below:

• Cut my own fringe: 3 points (scissors hadn't just been used to cut bacon first, deduct one point)

• car is Absolutely Filthy: 3 points (not a golf, mini or Porsche so as no other cars exist in Jillyworld, deduct one point.)

• "old trousers and a shrunk t shirt made her bum and boobs look huge," yeah whole three points for this one

• anthropomorphising my pets like crazy. No he wasn't showing how much he loves you, he wanted his dinner! 3 points.

• Smell of wild garlic making me miss going out to restaurants : 3 points. (Not sure if that is wild garlic or something else actually, deduct one point.)

So that's 12/15 for me. How is everyone else doing?

Same here (cold slaw). Actually when I was a small child it was a horrible mashup in my mind between cold sore and coleslaw!

Women are always screaming.

“Don’t be stupid!” she screamed.

Really? She screamed it? 🙄

In a terrible voice.

Standing on one leg. (?)

And people are always telling one another not to be fatuous. I’m still not totally sure what it means, but in Jilly-land it is BAD.

I think it's actually a derivative of "cold slaw" from the American Deep South. They also have a dish called "hot slaw".

Chatons
I've never understood why the women stand on one leg!

Spudlet - yes. Often it’s “Don’t be fatuous” she screamed 🙄

Inspired to read Jilly now - I think the name books; Harriet or Prudence were my favourites .

Rivals and Polo for the big novels. Started Mount and gave it up halfway through. Bluergh!

That's interesting sueelleker. I vaguely assumed it had something to do with cabbage (kohl in German).

I think 'standing on one leg,' is just a euphemism for awkwardness. Small children often do stand on one leg when asking for something.

YY the standing on one leg is a child like awkwardness .
Taggie is described as being like a Great Dane or Irish Wofhound or something. Tall, gangly and a bit ungainly . ( Though personally , I'd rather someone compared me to a greyhound )

Other characters are like colts with great long gangly legs .

Someone always has a 'bosomy wife' too

Battered, filthy Golf? Check.
Rambling rural house in need of a cosmetic make over? Check.
Horsey person who goes out for hacks? Check.
Frequent work on articles involving bashing away at keyboard in a state of half dress? Check.
Unplucked eyebrows and no make up? Check.
Penhaligons Quercus? Check.
Home made chutney and wood fires? Check.
Soppy bunny hugger who prises frozen worms off paths? Check.

Atrocious puns, sexual and domestic violence, animal cruelty and driving while sloshed, uncheck.

The 'names' were quite the interesting series. Rory rapes Emily and has an annoying habit of sabotaging her wardrobe, Lazlo slaps Bella, Gareth beats ten bells out of Octavia. Nice men!

RCB I always imagined was based on Rupert Chawner Brooke. She does like her literary allusions, and not only does RCB have the same given name and initials but look at any image of him and Jilly's physical descriptions are a dead ringer. I saw Penscombe as based on Brooke's house in Grantchester. When she said that in actuality he was based on Parker-Bowles my disappointment was acute ...

Despite my user name I would not be a good Jilly character. I don’t have anything to do with horses or dogs. I don’t live rurally. I don’t wear Quercus or Fracas. I don’t drink Fernat Branca. I don’t eat smoked salmon.

I do cut my own fringe (but I have special scissors for that so they aren’t also used to trim fat off bacon, so that probably doesn’t count).

Just re reading Rivals.

Sarah Stratton is Holly Willoughby 😁

Yes, Holly would make a perfect Sarah Stratton!

She really would!

And having just re-read Imogen I love your username @EnidSugden

I hope you're all writing cheques (and cancelling them) in your Coutts chequebook with your flashy royal blue ink-pen scrawl .

Only dirty slatterns like Janey use a biro

I re-read The Common Years this week and was struck by the lamentations of dire poverty in one entry and the sending of both children to boarding school in (almost literally) the next - and then being very cross with the bank when it bounced the cheque for the first term's fees. I wish I had that much financial insouciance!

Ah @Thecazalets have you read The Diary of a Provincial Lady by EM Delafield? The two books have a great deal in common, and finances were a theme in provincial lady. I feel it was an homage, but some of the phrasing is very similar.

@AGoodYearfortheRoses - thank you! I’ve moved on to Bella now 😁

@Fanthorpe I have! In fact that's another one I'm going to dig out for lockdown joyous re-reading! Thanks for the reminder!

Just moved from Riders to Rivals :)

Excellent McDog you have another treat ahead. Those two are the best.

I wish I was reading them for the first time too.

Riders, Rivals and the Man Who Made Husbands Jealous are my favourites.

I'm about to start re-reading them, I need some comfort- reading!