Badly explain your job

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

Because I think we all need a laugh at the moment! Inspired by a Twitter hashtag, explain your job (or an old one) and guess what other posters’ jobs were.

I use dangerous chemicals and fire around children.

I work out how many hours of care old and disabled people can have and then try and get it approved

@Shayisgreat bang on!

I have a handful of customers and every year I write a big book full of words and numbers for them.

I’m like the dog catcher in Lady and the Tramp but usually take the dogs home instead of to the pound

I teach children from the comfort of my own home (I’m a primary level English tutor) via Skype. This is what I basically do for a living now. I also make up progress reports as well. I used to go into a local primary school and teach but the workload was too much for me.

@lucysmam
Yep.

My lot are ok generally, but veg is a big no no but pudding oh yes

According to some people I just play all day

People call me up and shout at me about their furniture

I demand money!

I work with people who try to hold my hand constantly, ask of they can go to the toilet constantly and need to be told to wipe their nose, constantly.

I work one day a week selling a mismatched load of miscellaneous old junk and aim to screw the purchasers for as much of the folding stuff as possible in order to maximise my slice of the proverbial pie.

I tell other people what they need to do to help people

I walk round a yard and blow a whistle at certain age children to move to another place where they will be fed, after a while I blow the whistle again and carry on till all the children have moved to the place and are fed. During this time I also observe children intently and move to ensure the children are happy and don't kill each other 😁

I sit in a room with important people and write down what they say and what they ask for and what they need to do. Then a couple of weeks later I chase them to make sure they have done what they have been asked to do. The. I send what I’ve written down to a very important place and they send money for us to spend.

Tell people to dig holes and fill them in again.

Sick people ask me to send strangers round their house to kidnap them

@villainousbroodmare I want to say you are the AI woman but I suspect you are a vet.

I beat people up for fun and most people lie to me. I was also bullied as a child apparently!

I help people to cut live humans open

I make sure an old man attends his hospital appointments, meetings and write letters to his friends. I also spend his money, boss around his staff and sell his property. And drive round looking for him when he gets lost and pre-empt his every move.

I'm not even sure what my job is at times, it's definitely not what it says on paper anyway!

My job makes things so efficient I put people out of a job ,

That's what it feels like at the moment anyway.

I operate a large piece of machinery, and my customers either regard me as a criminal or the best thing since sliced bread.

I phone people and put them through to other people.

I make people run on treadmills until they have heart attacks.

@Elsiebear90

Cardiologist?