A Mumsnet story....add a part

[StephanieSpeilberg]

I’m bored home alone and have tidied enough to impress my mother. Please entertain me.

Opening:

Our main character Susan, who has twins and is wearing a jigsaw dress, pulls into her local supermarket for a naice ham and a chicken to last 10 meals.

As she pulls into the car park, she notices a man in a van parking in a child and parent bay with no child to be seen. Susan contemplates whether she would be unreasonable to roll her window down and tell him straight, but instead she parks in a different space whilst muttering profanities under her breath. She knows her friends would call her a pushover, but she hasn’t the confidence of Alice, who would have jumped him with an umbrella and called him a cockwomble.

Now add your part....

lighthearted

She gets out of her car and realises the space she has parked in hasn't allowed enough room to remove the twins car seats. Usually reserved, this is the last straw on a busy day and she finds herself shouting over to the van driver 'oi, forgotten your baby have you?'
He stops in his tracks and turns around, walking towards Susan menacingly...

.... and says did you not see that my child and his mum are in the shop and I am sitting here waiting for them to return?

But anyway....

Susan gives up,and decides to puck her battles. She manages to get the twins out with just a few bumps and marks to the neighbouring cars.

As she gets into the supermarket, she sees one of the school mums heading towards her, and she doesn't look happy....

The school dm has a toilet brush in her trolley...
She begins to wonder if she can bring herself to ever speak to her at drop offs /pick ups again...

...and decides that this could be a blessing in disguise, after all the school dm is the chair of the PTA and who could be less suitable than somebody who not only uses a toilet brush but who also doesn't have any zoflora in her trolley. Thanking the gods for her good fortune, Susan quickly texts her permanent apologies for non-attendance at all future PTA meetings and rushes off to.....

pick up a chicken for the next 10 family meals...

...which annoys her SO so much when she arrives back home that he throws the chicken out of the window for a passing fox to devour. At that point she thinks, "Should I LTB?".

..only to have her arse handed to her on a plate on AIBU when she posts about it without a diagram of the fox and is reminded that she should have given the chicken to the foodbank instead and cooked...

...pasta bake, made with stockpiled loo roll instead of tagliatelle.....

Her phone rings, it's her workplace crush...

The next day, she pops out for petrol with the twins, and has was caught in a cycle of indecision as to whether to take the kids out if the car or not to pay.
The police have been called after 4 Hours....

...which she thinks is VVVu. She is fumming....

Don’t other people understand that some mothering decisions need time, consultation with internet strangers and more time?!?

Whilst making her decision and trying to explain to the police the importance of having the AIBU army consensus, her phone rings. It’s her awful MIL....

...who needs to move in with Op and her DH, because...

OP needs to grow a backbone and understand that ‘No’ is a complete sentence.

Having decided to go ahead with the twins' birthday party in spite of everybody telling her she's mad to do so in the present climate, she is then having terrible misgivings about playing pin the tail on the donkey. The twins have pleaded to have this game, but Susan is worried: does she have enough scarves, so there is one blindfold for each child, to avoid risk of infection? Also, what if one of the twins wins?

She decides to play fair and make sure every dc has a real life donkey to take home instead of a party bag...
She is sure the dps wil appreciate the lack of plastic tat...

Her dc decides to charge other DCs to ride on her donkey in the front garden but their parents are afraid of cross contamination (though they sneak in at night with shovels to take the manure)

meanwhile her MIL has set up her telephone sex chat service from OP's spare room, and is busy distributing flyers at the school gates for
#talk dirty to an oldie, now operating from your very own village!#

Whilst she’s pondering the donkey party gift, she looks out of her window and realises someone has parked across her drive.. as she gets out her pen an paper to draw a diagram for her “aibu “ MN post ..... she ...

However, Sue's problems with the donkey in the garden, which has eaten all the leftover party pizza and pesto pasta, pale into insignificance by early the following day, when she discovers that someone has had the audacity to have parked their car.....

@Gohackyourself oh no, crossed post! Great minds though!

She realises that great minds are especially needed at the moment and offers her services to Boris Johnson who persuades her to LTD and join him and Carrie in mutual harmony...

(I meant LTB not LTD)