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Original poster

Unplugged and took router to work with me, how should I play this?

209 replies

Nelumbo · 30/01/2020 15:08

So I am utterly fed up with my 13yr old DD and 16yr old DS.
They seem to be completely incapable of picking up after themselves or even putting anything in a rubbish bin.
I know this is normal teenage behaviour, but being a single full time working mum, I am finding it a struggle will no help at all.

Yesterday nothing was done as I was unwell and fell asleep on the sofa, not one of them even tried to do anything to help, even though I had asked, so this morning I was faced with all of yesterday's dirty dishes, crap all over the floor, no kitchen space to make my breakfast etc. So I calmly unplugged the router and took it completely out of the house.

It's mainly the fact that they don't just pick up after themselves, or just leave rubbish lying around so the house always feels like a dump. I'm not really asking them to do major cleaning, apart from keeping their own rooms tidy and putting stuff in the dishwasher.

I have had numerous battles with them, and I don't think I ask for much
My DS is also staying up too late and not leaving for college on time in the mornings, so he is constantly late.
I'm always turning the WiFi off, and after a bit of moaning they may eventually do something, but once they do and they get it back, we go through the whole process again, as they never seem to learn. It's so draining.
I took my son's xbox off him for a day last week, all he did was moan and ask why, he eventually done a few things and said he would help more, and leave for college in time, but he is back to sitting on it for hours and hours without a break.

They are due home soon and I won't be back for 2 hrs after them and they won't realise till they get home.

Any suggestions on how to play it this time?
Oh and I already get 'you are stopping me from doing my school/college work'
Plus I like to chill out and do a bit of internet browsing when I get in from work!

OP posts:
Goingwiththeflow2019 · 30/01/2020 15:20

Go you!!!!

I would just ignore their texts in relation to there being no WiFi and when you get in and they say anything, just go 'oh it's so annoying when you're asked something and you're ignored isn't it. A bit like when I ask and ask you to do ABC and it's never done' and tomorrow, I'd take it with me to work again and again until they get the hint.

If they say the homework situation, just cite they learn what they need at school so to use their notes/books unless they can evidence they need to conduct online research.

Then run a bath and ignore the huffing and puffing with a glass of wine in hand. totally haven't done this before when everyone's moaning about basic household rules Wink

CornishPorsche · 30/01/2020 15:25

Fair play to you!

You need a sit down together to discuss your needs and expectations of them. It will reduce long term moaning.

Change the name and password for the router when you do put it back into the house. Something like "Chores First" and change the password every night.... Password earned when you come home from work and whatever you agreed they do is done....

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 30/01/2020 15:31

Another supportive voice here.

Make sure you're not paying their phone bills (or put a cap on) because I bet they'll use more data now.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

13 year olds 16 year olds Families
FoamingAtTheUterus · 30/01/2020 15:31

How to play it ?

Take a selfie of you holding the WiFi hub with a shit eating grin on your face and send it to them.

Ignore any nagging or pleas.

Do the same thing tomorrow.

Usernamealreadyexists · 30/01/2020 15:32

I think they need the get the message this is totally unacceptable behaviour at their age. I disagree it is normal at their age. I would make a list of chores and get them to put their name against what they will do. I’m a single mum and I felt sad reading your post especially the bit where you said you felt unwell. They are stakeholders in the home and need to realize it. I’d start by cutting out washing their clothes, do not enter their rooms to clean, and no WiFi until they get their shit together. I expect my 8 year old to help around the house and he does it so thoughtfully. Your kids just need you to put new rules in place.

AndThenThereWereSeven · 30/01/2020 15:34

Won't they just use 4G?

inwood · 30/01/2020 15:42

My mum used to unplug the landline phones (I'm old) and take them to work. It was the worst, and most effective punishment ever!

Make sure you cap their data.

JoJothesquirrel · 30/01/2020 15:44

Also leave the router at work so that you can’t give it back until after work tomorrow at the earliest. I was a lazy teen who resented picking up my own shit. I know how I was a selfish idiot I don’t hold it against my mum for taking away the tv remote ( no router in them days)

Draw a line in the sand, unless X Y and Z is done everyday you don’t get the WiFi password. And that’s true of homework tasks too , if you haven’t planned for it it can’t be done. 15 year old me hates me for saying it though.

ffswhatnext · 30/01/2020 15:44

When you go home, plug it in and change the password. Why should you miss out? I have a router that can create individual accounts, which means I can block the one that needs it but give them very, very limited access to do their homework.

And the good thing about mobile data, they won't connect to consoles.

LondonMummy1987 · 30/01/2020 15:45

Well done you! I may have to do the same but for husband as well as kids!

ZeroFucks · 30/01/2020 15:47

Clapping you over here, OP.

I don't have any advice on this. My mom used to get me to do chores by threatening to speak to boys I fancied in her rollers and slippers.

I'm just here for the updates.

Mlou32 · 30/01/2020 15:49

A lot if data is unlimited these days, I know mine is. Won't they just use that?

RedWine123 · 30/01/2020 15:50

Stand your ground. Be calm. And good luck!

sunshinesupermum · 30/01/2020 15:51

Good for you!

Original poster
Nelumbo · 30/01/2020 15:51

Ha, brilliant ideas thanks, I especially like the selfie idea!

I only pay for my son's phone and he does have a cap on data, he will not use data if he can help it.
My ex has just bought my DD a new phone for Xmas, he will be paying the bill, it has quite a big data allowance but I'm sure it has a cap on it, she will probably use it hesitantly as they want to save data for when they are out obviously

I've tried sitting down calmly with them and explaining they need to help more etc, but it just doesn't get through, the main issue is probably that they just can't get off their technology! Specially my son, he is just so addicted.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/01/2020 15:54

You play it by taking the router away every single day until they stop behaving like entitled, lazy brats. Good job, op.

HollowTalk · 30/01/2020 15:54

I would message back saying, "Yeah and you won't get it back until the mess in the house is cleared up."

TorkTorkBam · 30/01/2020 15:54

If it is a good punishment they will be upset by it. That's kind of the point - it has to hit them where it hurts.

Minimal chat. Do not engage in their whining. Choose a couple of statements like "Do x,y,z and wifi will be returned, continue slacking and it will stay off limits."

The message is that some things are privileges to be earned not rights. You aren't breaking their legs, locking them in the cellar or stopping feeding them!

Btw some routers allow you to set time and device limits. I can set ours to block wifi to teen phones overnight. They could still use data but they don't like to "waste" the data.

Gingerkittykat · 30/01/2020 15:55

Removing wi-fi was the one thing that made my DD behave.

Do they have access to data on their phones, because if so this could be less effective.

Drum2018 · 30/01/2020 15:56

When you do get home this evening make sure all chores are done before you plug it back in. And then bring it to work daily until they are in a routine of helping out - even if it means bringing it with you forever!

TopOftheNaughtyList · 30/01/2020 15:57

Tell them there are these old fashioned things called libraries where they can get information for homework. It's how we used to do homework before smartphones became a thing Grin.

Applauding you though OP. Looking forward to hearing any other creative suggestions from other posters on how to get offspring to help with chores.

Whynosnowyet · 30/01/2020 15:57

Tell them you must have been burgled and can they tidy up before the 3 police get there..

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/01/2020 15:59

it does no good to stop the WiFi when all their homework, textbooks, and revision resources are online. You’ve said you’re always turning it off but it makes no difference to their behaviour....it’s madness to keep doing something that doesn’t work thinking that it might work. It won’t. It will keep not working AND prevent them from doing school work as well.

You need to come up with a more effective means to get them to help out around the house.

-Assign basic tasks (dishes in dishwasher, wipe up any spills you create) and refuse pocket money/take Xbox for 24hrs if not done

-set timer or put on music and all three of you work together until cleaning is done. Ten minute with three people can get a lot done.

Have a think and see what you can try that could work.

artisanparsnips · 30/01/2020 16:04

Keep going, but rather than take the router, change the password daily, and only let them have it when they send photos of the chores you want done, done.

Also, you can exclude specific devices from the router, eg the Xbox at certain times.

JudgeRindersMinder · 30/01/2020 16:06

You absolute genius! Wish I had some cheerleader Pom poms for you!

Be prepared for the long game, text/call them and tell them that if the house is in acceptable state, then the router will come home, otherwise it stays at your work. Do it and stick to it for long enough to get a habit ingrained (probably a month or so). As the parent of a 17 year old, I appreciate how much dedication this will take on your part, but wi-fi is definitely currency with teens.
Good luck!