Unplugged and took router to work with me, how should I play this?

[Nelumbo]

So I am utterly fed up with my 13yr old DD and 16yr old DS.
They seem to be completely incapable of picking up after themselves or even putting anything in a rubbish bin.
I know this is normal teenage behaviour, but being a single full time working mum, I am finding it a struggle will no help at all.

Yesterday nothing was done as I was unwell and fell asleep on the sofa, not one of them even tried to do anything to help, even though I had asked, so this morning I was faced with all of yesterday's dirty dishes, crap all over the floor, no kitchen space to make my breakfast etc. So I calmly unplugged the router and took it completely out of the house.

It's mainly the fact that they don't just pick up after themselves, or just leave rubbish lying around so the house always feels like a dump. I'm not really asking them to do major cleaning, apart from keeping their own rooms tidy and putting stuff in the dishwasher.

I have had numerous battles with them, and I don't think I ask for much
My DS is also staying up too late and not leaving for college on time in the mornings, so he is constantly late.
I'm always turning the WiFi off, and after a bit of moaning they may eventually do something, but once they do and they get it back, we go through the whole process again, as they never seem to learn. It's so draining.
I took my son's xbox off him for a day last week, all he did was moan and ask why, he eventually done a few things and said he would help more, and leave for college in time, but he is back to sitting on it for hours and hours without a break.

They are due home soon and I won't be back for 2 hrs after them and they won't realise till they get home.

Any suggestions on how to play it this time?
Oh and I already get 'you are stopping me from doing my school/college work'
Plus I like to chill out and do a bit of internet browsing when I get in from work!

So you binned an already broken charger?
Wow I bet that him them hard!

* How would you feel if you forgot to do something minor at work, like the shredding, so your boss took your lunch break away? Would you feel motivated to do better next time? Doubt it!*

But what if it wasn’t minor bit rather consistently being rude customers or always very late back from lunch or never meeting deadlines?

Colour coded towels in this hou.
If one left on the floor or not hung away, $1 fine.
Stopped after about a month as I made them pay fines in cash, at the time.
They got sick of wasting money.

@Haffdonga well he hadnt picked up the rubbish on his floor, which I noticed when I got home, pointed it out to him when we were going through list, he said he would do it after dinner, then I went up later on in the evening and he still had not done it so I reminded him again, and he said he would do it in a sec, still not done by this morning, so he actually had 3 chances and he shouldn't of really had WiFi last night, so dont think it disproportionate to carry on punishment today.
DD had not put her uniform in wash bin, even though she ticked it off her list and told me she had, so I had to go hunting for it this morning, finding her skirt screwed up on the floor with a dirty spoon on top of it.

The restrictions have been in place all day, my son has still spent all day in his room. When mentioned rubbish on floor again his response is, but it's my floor and my rubbish and I want it there.
He has also been mucking around with the devices and name changing them, though he is denying it. May have to resort to taking xbox phone and laptop off him.
He doesn't know why WiFi is off...give me strengh!

DD has just started doing some tidying in her room and helping out with mess in the kitchen.

Oh and I don't care about the creased clothes, I let him get on with that, same with the sock thing, though it's very irritating to have his socks randomly thrown all over his bedroom.

Good for you. I did the same when my youngest was about 15. It worked. The outrage!! I only returned the Wi-Fi when he agreed to and performed a list of chores regularly.
Earth shattering stuff like putting stuff in dishwasher instead of collecting a dozen milk glasses in his room in varying states of putrid .Putting rubbish in bin. Taking said bin out. Putting dirty laundry in hamper. Going to bed at a reasonable hour so he wouldn't be late for school.
I'm so glad I out my foot down as it really broke a bad pattern and he's now at 18 mostly a pleasure to live with.

Fair enough Nelumbo The lying that they'd done or would do stuff would have really annoyed me too.

What would have happened if you hadn't searched for your dd's uniform?

Personally I’d not let them have the wifi code and have a month ban they are disrespecting you as they aren’t being punished

Keep at it! I do the same with mine but they move quicker then a lightening bolt and get those chores done above expectations once I've taken their beloved phones/ps3 and wifi away! Also the homework excuse.... the school do homework clubs before and after school

Just to add I also take it away for more than a day , if I have to warn them 3 times it's gone for a week and week it is gone for! I do not play !

If they can't put clothes out for washing or clean clothes away, I'd let them wear them dirty/crumpled for a few days.

I'm surprised that you are giving them so many chances especially at that age.
I have 3 children 10, 9 and 4 and when I ask them to clean their room or put rubbish in the bin I expect them to stop what they are doing and do it.
Xbox is for weekends only after homework is done.
I'm not living in a shithole, where they throw packets on the floor.
My mum never taught me to tidy or clean and I had to learn the hard way. I dont want my children to be like that.

OP, the kids are taking the piss because you allow them to. Why are you giving them three chances (and then things still don’t happen?) before getting cross. Your home is not a democracy, if it were they would be earning and contributing as much as you. As they don’t, I suggest it is a totalitarian state and you get what you want.

Honestly, kids need clear boundaries and consistency. The fact they don’t respect you enough to do things is partly due to their age but also partly due to the fact they don’t feel they have to. What really has been the consequence of not pulling their weight?

Deprive them of the internet - that is fine. With regards to homework tell them you will email the school and ask teachers to email you directly with any homework, or better still, get your children to write the set homework task down in their books as they cannot access the internet at home. Then when at home, they can use books or class notes to help them.

As PP have said, put a chore list up and keep it visible. If it’s not completed there is no internet, pocket money, phone or whatever. Every time they push the boundary you push back harder. Consistency really is the key here and it is hard work to train teens.

Xbox was taken and locked away in this house. I agree with a PP that you're not acting strongly enough. Too many warnings; not enough action. You're all playing the same game.

I'd take all gadgets and wifi off them for at least a month .
Also tell them have set tine to tidy bedrooms /put washing out /wash dirty cups etc.
If not anything left on floor regardless what it is will be going in the bin ,you wont be doing washing not even uniform.so when have to wear dirty uniform to school they can explain their too lazy todo it .
A friend of mine had it done to her when your childs age ..she thought her mum was bluffing ,she wasnt .made her change her ways fast .

In other words, they have learned their behaviours from you, OP.

Also next time your ds says it's his room say no it's your house ,you pay the mortgage/bills etc.
If he pays rent or mortgage then maybe different.
Was told that many a time by my parents when growing up and I pushed my luck

Also next time your ds says it's his room say no it's your house

It's his home! He's not a lodger, he lives there. You can't say his home isn't his home.

If you’re keeping up the no WiFi thing, could you use this as a chance to get the kids to hang out with you more? If there’s nothing to do and your son is in his room all day, maybe he’d welcome a suggestion that you all go out to cinema/watch a film together at home/cook together.

The untidiness is the short term goal but emphasising your family togetherness (sorry I know it sounds a bit cringe) with shared chores and fun could be the long term one.

@jaffaeclipse
I'm not disputing it's his home but he doesnt pay towards it or from what op said treats it or them with respect.

Their room battle I gave up and put a visitors ban until they did their rooms.
One in particular didn’t care at all as he really wasn’t social. Until one day he did start wanting people home.
Spending hours once a week started to be a pain for him.
Took a long time, but they knew I wouldn’t back down. Oh I did in the early days, soon put an end to that.

If my child was hiding his Xbox from me or changing device names, he wouldn't have an Xbox or mobile phone. I can't believe you've let him pull that shit and still keep them!
You need to be a lot tougher. Enough with the warnings - cut off the things which really matter to them. And get that bloody Xbox out of your son's room. Threaten to get rid of it permanently if he hides it from being identified and won't do chores snd actually mean it. They think you are too weak to follow through and at the moment they are right.

Tough weekend, they have not had any access, my DS has been trying to work around the whole thing.
I want to show them what other kids their ages have to do on a daily/weekly basis, so if you could help out with listing what your kids do, I can give them examples, and show them that actually that don't have it to bad!!

I want to show them what other kids their ages have to do on a daily/weekly basis, so if you could help out with listing what your kids do, I can give them examples, and show them that actually that don't have it to bad!!

I can't see that helping any more than when a child claims that 'everyone' in their class has a later bedtime.

You need to get some channels of communication open. Find something you can do together so you stop being on opposite sides all the time. Rebuild your relationship so you can understand and support each other better. You won't do this when you're doling out punishments and he's trying to find a workaround every time.

Let him know that you love him, even if you don't like his behaviour sometimes and try to find a way to unite.

I don't give my kids many chores - my main thing is that I expect them to help me when I ask them to. My sons take the bins out and bring them back every week if DH is away. They are also responsible for stripping their beds for washing and remaking. DS has his gf living here so he is responsible for cleaning their room, although I would do it if it was just him (but I want to respect their privacy).
All DC are responsible for putting dirty laundry in the washing basket, bringing crockery back to the kitchen and emptying their plates. If they cook when I go out, I expect them to wash up after themselves do I don't come home to a bomb site kitchen (this last one is a work in progress).

@Poppinjay fair enough, you are probably right. I have tried building bridges around this and deep down he is a good lad, he just genuinely struggles to manage his time I think, but the stubbornness when I try and help him is becoming a real issue.
I left him a message today saying I don't want to battle with him but he has to look after his own basic needs and help out around the house when I ask. Made sure I told him I loved him. I am going to try and sit down with him again later and talk.

I don't really have specific chores like you @Aderyn19 I just want them to pick up after themselves and help out around the house if I ask, but it's seems that is like 'cleaning the entire house' to them. My DS actually thinks this is what I am asking him to do, when I ask him to unload the dishwasher and perhaps reload some dirty stuff when he has two full days off college a week!