Unplugged and took router to work with me, how should I play this?

[Nelumbo]

So I am utterly fed up with my 13yr old DD and 16yr old DS.
They seem to be completely incapable of picking up after themselves or even putting anything in a rubbish bin.
I know this is normal teenage behaviour, but being a single full time working mum, I am finding it a struggle will no help at all.

Yesterday nothing was done as I was unwell and fell asleep on the sofa, not one of them even tried to do anything to help, even though I had asked, so this morning I was faced with all of yesterday's dirty dishes, crap all over the floor, no kitchen space to make my breakfast etc. So I calmly unplugged the router and took it completely out of the house.

It's mainly the fact that they don't just pick up after themselves, or just leave rubbish lying around so the house always feels like a dump. I'm not really asking them to do major cleaning, apart from keeping their own rooms tidy and putting stuff in the dishwasher.

I have had numerous battles with them, and I don't think I ask for much
My DS is also staying up too late and not leaving for college on time in the mornings, so he is constantly late.
I'm always turning the WiFi off, and after a bit of moaning they may eventually do something, but once they do and they get it back, we go through the whole process again, as they never seem to learn. It's so draining.
I took my son's xbox off him for a day last week, all he did was moan and ask why, he eventually done a few things and said he would help more, and leave for college in time, but he is back to sitting on it for hours and hours without a break.

They are due home soon and I won't be back for 2 hrs after them and they won't realise till they get home.

Any suggestions on how to play it this time?
Oh and I already get 'you are stopping me from doing my school/college work'
Plus I like to chill out and do a bit of internet browsing when I get in from work!

So my kids are in charge of the dishwasher, one loads and one unloads. They take the bins out and bring them back each week, they also have to pick up their rooms so the cleaner can go through. If I didnt have a cleaner I would probably make one of them responsible for their bathroom and the other for laundry. Although thinking about it my DD pretty much does her own laundry anyway.

They also have to help out with any extra stuff if I ask..

They are 14 and 11

I find that having specific chores helps. Mine do dishwasher ( exactly as previous poster) and clean their room once a week. They are 12 and 14. I still need to tell. Them to do it but they accepted that it's their job and there isn't much argument support from who's turn is to load the dishwasher. They both hate it

I don't really have specific chores like you. I just want them to pick up after themselves and help out around the house

I think this may be where you're being unrealistic @Nelumbo . Help around the house is very vague and everyone will have different understanding of what 'helping' involves. If one of your dc helps by doing A, but you are irritated that they haven't done B then does it count that they have helped or not?

To answer your question, my teens (now young adults) help wash up (including bringing dirty mugs and plates from their rooms), load dishwasher etc after every meal (the whole family do this together). They wash and iron their own clothes and change their own bed linen. Those were the only compulsory jobs. They had it bloody easy, my teens

Other random jobs they do but only if asked, would be clean their bathroom and loos, mowing the lawn, running round with the hoover, walking the dog, cooking meals etc. I didn't ask them to do this sort of thing when they were doing exam revision.

They are expected to cook, from the planning to the cooking.
They do their own washing and will ask if anyone else has anything.
Communal areas are everyone’s responsibility.

When it comes to revision we all have a chat and decide. But so far they have wanted to carry on as it gives them breaks. However I don’t say anything if things don’t get done.

I don’t call it helping me out. If comes under life stuff. Things that need doing regardless of where they live.,

Tough weekend, they have not had any access, my DS has been trying to work around the whole thing. Isn't it funny how the teenage brain works, he rather spend hours trying to get the WIFI back rather then spending 1 hour doing what he has been asked to do.

At that age mine cooked 1 night a week each, cleaned up kitchen and did dishes 2 nights, fed animals 2 nights, did own washing and kept their bathroom and toilet clean.

It sounds like all 3 of you are utterly miserable and living in a house of constant negativity.
Bring the joy back in, reconnect with your kids. Being at home with no WIFI makes them feel like they are missing it and have nothing. It is better to have a break from technology by going out as a family. He has no friends after 4 years should ring alarm bells. Sign him up for a club, he will kick back at first but will benefit from it greatly.
Instead of do the washing up, say let's do the washing and drying together. This way it's not put off and you can chat too. Instead of ask her cook a meal, say pick something from a book that you'd like to try and then the next day cook it together.
Get away from saying chores or work, don't concentrate on what needs doing and how they are lazy for not doing it. Concentrate on how great the house feels when it's tidy and praise them for their contribution. You are not the manager! You all live in the house and putting clothes in the laundry basket and wrappers in the bin needs to be normal everyday habits. You need to make them want to have a nice house and do general cleaning. Nagging doesn't work, it just makes everyone unhappy and resentful.
DS being in his room ALL day playing games, may seem easy when day to day life is exhausting but it's doing him no favours and needs to be addressed urgently. Where do you see yourselves in 2 years time? What are your goals? What are their goals/dreams/aspirations? Work towards a happier and more positive life.

I don't think their behaviour is normal teenage behaviour at all.

Why don't your children have chores and obligations around the home that are enforced? Why would you expect them to be thoughtful and willing to contribute when you have not raised them to be that way?

Make a chore chart today and enforce it. Put your foot down. Take away very single privilege they have until the start contributing to the upkeep of the home.

Mine are both adults now and have (Tidy) homes of their own, but I recall the battles well enough.
Eventually for my own sanity I closed the door. It was their space, and if (DD in particular) wanted to live like that then so be it.

First rule was no food upstairs.
Wash basket was provided on the landing. If it wasn't in there it didn't get washed and thats a 'you problem not a me problem'.
Clean bedding I left outside the door weekly and expected dirty to be left in its place within 24 hours.
DD was in charge of keeping the kitchen reasonably tidy, I never expected hunch standards but surfaces wiped etc
DS was in charge of the bathroom.

I found that once I stopped worrying over the state of their rooms and the clothes on their floors we all rubbed along a lot better. If I ever happened to peep in there I often felt like I could have a bloody panic attack, but ultimately it was their space.
They both grew up into normal, functioning adults who don't live like pigs.