Unplugged and took router to work with me, how should I play this?

[Nelumbo]

So I am utterly fed up with my 13yr old DD and 16yr old DS.
They seem to be completely incapable of picking up after themselves or even putting anything in a rubbish bin.
I know this is normal teenage behaviour, but being a single full time working mum, I am finding it a struggle will no help at all.

Yesterday nothing was done as I was unwell and fell asleep on the sofa, not one of them even tried to do anything to help, even though I had asked, so this morning I was faced with all of yesterday's dirty dishes, crap all over the floor, no kitchen space to make my breakfast etc. So I calmly unplugged the router and took it completely out of the house.

It's mainly the fact that they don't just pick up after themselves, or just leave rubbish lying around so the house always feels like a dump. I'm not really asking them to do major cleaning, apart from keeping their own rooms tidy and putting stuff in the dishwasher.

I have had numerous battles with them, and I don't think I ask for much
My DS is also staying up too late and not leaving for college on time in the mornings, so he is constantly late.
I'm always turning the WiFi off, and after a bit of moaning they may eventually do something, but once they do and they get it back, we go through the whole process again, as they never seem to learn. It's so draining.
I took my son's xbox off him for a day last week, all he did was moan and ask why, he eventually done a few things and said he would help more, and leave for college in time, but he is back to sitting on it for hours and hours without a break.

They are due home soon and I won't be back for 2 hrs after them and they won't realise till they get home.

Any suggestions on how to play it this time?
Oh and I already get 'you are stopping me from doing my school/college work'
Plus I like to chill out and do a bit of internet browsing when I get in from work!

YouTube will show you how to login to your box, you can then change the password.
No password , no internet.

** This is what I mean, they can't even get the basics done...wet towel left on floor/bed EVERY time, come on. Shoes,.coats, bags dumped anywhere, actual food wrappers on floors, clothes dumped anywhere, and my big bug bear bloody leaving empty packaging in cupboards!, it goes on.
It was suppose to be a lighth**

That sounds bloody awful.

But OP - this should have been drilled in to the from a much younger age.

My DS 9 wouldn’t do this despite natural inclination to because he knows there’s consequences.

I really feel for you Op

Single working parent here too. I’m military with mine but all happier for it

This takes me back a few years when son was excluded from school and I took everything electrical out of his bedroom and his mobile was a pay and go so two weeks without equipment and never had a problem with his school again, he reminded me of this a few months ago and assured me it was the best thing I have ever done to make him knuckle down

You are totally doing the right thing OP! go you.

Teenagers would sulk and huff if they had unlimited internet and data anyway.

As a teenager I had dishes to do every night. and my mum wouldn't tolerate things left out, wrappers etc. We didn't have screens to be taken away or no internet to disconnect but she found other ways.... taking our toys away or no coke on a saturday (was allowed once a week) or grounding.

always worked!

Stay strong OP- you can do this! they WILL learn. Because if they dont know, theyll really struggle as adults.

This is what I would do:

Write a list of daily chores when you get home, put their names on them, give it to them at the dinner table.

Calmly tell them that these are their daily chores: no exceptions. Explain that the router will be going to work with you every morning and there will be no router or dinner until every one of those chores are done, this is not an idle threat.

Mean it, carry it out. There will be moaning and tantrums, ignore it. They will do them for a bit and stop: repeat your punishment as necessary.

You're right. They are old enough to clean up after themselves and you're not asking for anything unreasonable. Their future wives will thank you.

Re: your internet browsing.... treat yourself you a decent data package on your phone and if it's affordable get a tablet from your phone provider to surf on and don't let the kids know you have it.

Well done.!

I have a 13 year old dd, and she’s the exact same. Wants wants wants but never give. She’ll occasionally get her little brother or sisters nappy changed or get them dressed for daycare (purely so she can ask me something afterwards) her room is a shit heap, we even have resulted to removed her bedroom door for slamming it. She’s getting better now she’s started high school but long way to go

Both should be doing chores daily and helping to cook also. You’ve done a perfect blinder by taking the router away, I realised that by asking mine to do x,y and z they’d argue, say later, later (that came and went) it did my head in, then I thought ok I’ll send a text message of what I wanted doing and numbered1,2,3,4,5,6 that they had to share equally but one at a time and tick it off, they’d want to get things done quicker so that they didn’t have the more unpleasant tasks to do. It left me with minus the bickering that I’d usually face. Wishing OP all the best.

Good for you! I have taken my kids phones when I get totally hacked off about lack of help etc at home. And I have left them at work for a couple of days to really drive the point home! They are now model teenagers ... Not ! Internet access is a constant nightmare. Feel like going totally off grid at times

If they don't comply direct the m to the local library Used this move a few times

An easier way is to change the WiFi password

id draw up a chart tape to inside of cupboard. put days of week across top and names on side.
give them both specific jobs, tick off if done, if not no internet for a week, a day will teach them nothing. its basic treat/punishment, for stuff done/not done. stick it out, it will work long term.
start small, empty bin, load dishwasher, put washing in basket, pick up coats, shoes ect, praise and reward one that completes jobs at end of week with a tiny treat. will hopefully become competitive to them in the end, but you must stick to punishment or your onto a losing battle. good luck.

I used to have a list on the fridge with A list of jobs that had to be done every day.
If they weren’t done by X time, unless they had a very good reason, the wifi went off and phones were confiscated.

As far as your sons concerned you need to be really strict. You know it’s badly affecting his mental health being on the x box so long. I know its hard, but come on- you’re his mum, you’re in charge here- tell him he can be in it for “X” hours then that’s it- no excuses he comes off it!

Warm then if they don't get their shit together then dump everything they leave out on their beds. See how long it takes them to sort out their wet towels if not doing so results in a wet pillow.

Make them do their chores everyday before you turn it back on ? That might do it....

My life right there! Glad it's not just me, teenagers are hard when you have to be mum AND dad. They'll appreciate you one day!

We sat down and did the ‘ we all work/study full time, we all contribute to the mess, so we all contribute to the clean up ‘ conversation.
Chore chart developed and agreed to by everyone so things shared equally.
I did not include that I do most of the household organisation as well, but looking back, could have got me out of a few more chores.
Now all grown up, still living at home, but everything very much shared.
Good luck

We did the changing password on the router thing a lot. At one point our name on the Wifi was "Doyourhomework" also "Stopstealingmysocks" the latter being potentially outing and yes eldest it is annoying

Keep the router off / changed password for the weekend.

I’d be putting up a list of daily chores and only when those chores are finished will they have access to WiFi. No debate.
You are doing the right thing.
It’s not doing them any favours to believe women are there to tidy up after them.
Good luck x

Sorry that last comment was aimed at your son in particular. His future partner will thank you for it!

OP I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said already, sounds like you have your work cut out. I just wanted to say that if you are worried about the amount of gaming your son is doing, perhaps look at getting some support. I noticed you said he was 'addicted' earlier and no doubt it was a throw away comment, but if you have concerns seek help. Gaming addiction is a serious and recognised problem, especially amongst teenage/young adults and often boys.

www.ukat.co.uk/gaming-addiction/

CONSISTENCY!

Photocopy a basic list that they can tick off each day. Leave space at the bottom to add one off chores.