Unplugged and took router to work with me, how should I play this?

[Nelumbo]

So I am utterly fed up with my 13yr old DD and 16yr old DS.
They seem to be completely incapable of picking up after themselves or even putting anything in a rubbish bin.
I know this is normal teenage behaviour, but being a single full time working mum, I am finding it a struggle will no help at all.

Yesterday nothing was done as I was unwell and fell asleep on the sofa, not one of them even tried to do anything to help, even though I had asked, so this morning I was faced with all of yesterday's dirty dishes, crap all over the floor, no kitchen space to make my breakfast etc. So I calmly unplugged the router and took it completely out of the house.

It's mainly the fact that they don't just pick up after themselves, or just leave rubbish lying around so the house always feels like a dump. I'm not really asking them to do major cleaning, apart from keeping their own rooms tidy and putting stuff in the dishwasher.

I have had numerous battles with them, and I don't think I ask for much
My DS is also staying up too late and not leaving for college on time in the mornings, so he is constantly late.
I'm always turning the WiFi off, and after a bit of moaning they may eventually do something, but once they do and they get it back, we go through the whole process again, as they never seem to learn. It's so draining.
I took my son's xbox off him for a day last week, all he did was moan and ask why, he eventually done a few things and said he would help more, and leave for college in time, but he is back to sitting on it for hours and hours without a break.

They are due home soon and I won't be back for 2 hrs after them and they won't realise till they get home.

Any suggestions on how to play it this time?
Oh and I already get 'you are stopping me from doing my school/college work'
Plus I like to chill out and do a bit of internet browsing when I get in from work!

Brilliant! Hopefully gets them to contribute to chores in your household 😊

I can restrict the WiFi to certain devices, but my delightful son has found a way to block his xbox from being seen. Hence why I have just taken the Xbox out of his room on a few occasions lately (we have literally had a tug of war with it!) But he then storms out of the house and I have to then worry where he is.
Sometimes taking things away completely, specially for someone like my son, who is not very sociable and has made no friends since we moved area 4 months ago, is not always the best idea.
I was considering just turning it off at a set time every evening until they sort themselves out, that way at least any homework or anything they NEED the internet for, they will have to manage their time around it.

I really don't want to have to start changing the password all the time, it's a pain! But I will see how easy it is to do

It's hard..

Haven't received any texts yet...

And yes it's true, majority of the homework is set online now unfortunately!

I don’t take the router, I take the PlayStation controllers. They are very easy to hide.

My Mum put a lock on our home phone. Unfortunately I figured out you could still dial out by pressing the buttons on the hook to correspond with the number you wanted...
so 10 (0) 1 (1) 3 (3) etc.

She never did work it out bless her.

Have you given them specific jobs on a rota rather than a generic "pick up after yourselves"? Sometimes teenagers just don't see stuff that needs doing but both my DS will happily get on with a request like "One to unload dishwasher and put clean stuff away, the other to load it with dirty things and set it going please".

Go you OP

I currently have my DC's phone in my pocket because of appalling behaviour. It won't be returned any time soon.

I wouldn't even bring it home tonight ... go home without it and lay down the house rules on them. No respect? No help? No router.

Go you!! Previous posters have great ideas but I just wanted to say well done!

I have done the same. It did work, I said to DS the modem was kidnapped and if he wanted it back for the weekend he needed to send me a photo of a perfectly tidy bedroom and cupboard before 4pm.

I got the photos in 20 minutes.

Just check what sort of phone allowance they have, especially if they are in a contract, you don’t want to get a massive invoice for extra GB if the decide to use 4G instead of WiFi.

If the problem is just the xbox, just take the transformer with you. I leave it under my seat in the car (but tell DS is in the office to avoid him pestering me until he gets it)

I would just remove the Xbox until he showed he could do his bit around the house consistently.

I do feel for you though. Technology is the enemy of parents!

Changing the password will end the tug of war over the xbox.
Take devices/stop wifi for more than 24 hours.
A whole weekend ban has resulted in me just saying wifi and stuff get done.
Storming out for not having it? Let him crack on. But he still doesn't get it back earlier. One of mine was the same. He'd done it either to calm down or was basically having a tantrum.
And every time he blocks the Xbox from the wifi, he loses wifi.

Your router should also have an option to block/allow websites.
Very easy to do this so they can access homework sites and nothing else.
If your router doesn't allow this basic function, decent ones that allow this, individual user access etc aren't really that expensive. Best £50 I ever spent.

OP this has been my life too. I have been unwell and have been faced with all of the crap you have described. I burst into tears earlier this week because they wouldn't help and i felt so ill.

Yep change the password each night. Then put a sign saying want the password? send a photo of x y z done with in it. Change the object - that way they cant save the photo to resend another day without having done it!

Well done OP!

Now don’t let them on it this evening until chores have been done. You can still plug it in to use yourself, just change the password!

I would carry on doing this daily until they realise your being serious and they have to change! They may end up using their data, but as long as it’s capped then I reckon they’d be wary of using it much and if they do use it all, then it’s their own fault!

@PlanDeRaccordement you are right, but I have also tried all of them things:
Writing written tick lists
Whatsapp/snap chatting pictures/lists of things
Offering pocket money
Points system
Taking devices
Yelling at them
Talking calmly to them
Trying to make a joke about it/being light hearted about it.

The taking of WiFi/devices does work but only for a short period of time. Once they redeem themselves and get their stuff back they just go back to the same crap.

@ffswhatnext I'm sorry to inform you but you can use data on consoles. At least, you definitely can on Xbox and Switch. I don't know about PlayStation. I've had to do it for myself and my OH before we had WiFi connected after our recent move.

Oh and I already get 'you are stopping me from doing my school/college work'

At 13 and 16 they are also old enough to do their homework in the local or college libraries.

Stick to your guns but stop asking them the help and tell them to do their share. They are part of a family and need to learn that families have to muck in together and all contribute, you are not their serf.

Plus I like to chill out and do a bit of internet browsing when I get in from work!

Change the password, daily if needs be. Don't give it to them until their share of tasks are done. If you really need to allow a set time for homework tasks, if they haven't done them they can explain to their teachers why they spent their homework time playing games.

When you say your son hides his Xbox, what exactly do you mean? Does your router have an option to restrict access to MAC address? If so you can disable/enable his Xbox there and so long as he can't log into the router there is nothing he can do about it.

Changing the password wont work if your router (as most do) has a WPS button - they'll just connect their devices using that!

I know it is hard with teenagers. I really empathise with you.
I only have two left at home and it can be a struggle to find a method that works but also conveys the priorities

1. Academics
2. Your share housework
3. Fun

For me, I withhold pocketmoney if they don’t keep up their share.

I totally understand. 15yr old and 13 yr old here and have exact same issue. I'm sick of it :(

Change the name and password for the router

Do people not realise most modern routers have a WPS button that can be pressed to connect devices automatically?

(You may be able to specifically disable that on your router, which really will then stop them accessing the wifi. But otherwise, only changing the password is pointless)

Another round of applause from me for taking the router.

Staying tuned for whiny teenage text updates...