Unplugged and took router to work with me, how should I play this?

[Nelumbo]

So I am utterly fed up with my 13yr old DD and 16yr old DS.
They seem to be completely incapable of picking up after themselves or even putting anything in a rubbish bin.
I know this is normal teenage behaviour, but being a single full time working mum, I am finding it a struggle will no help at all.

Yesterday nothing was done as I was unwell and fell asleep on the sofa, not one of them even tried to do anything to help, even though I had asked, so this morning I was faced with all of yesterday's dirty dishes, crap all over the floor, no kitchen space to make my breakfast etc. So I calmly unplugged the router and took it completely out of the house.

It's mainly the fact that they don't just pick up after themselves, or just leave rubbish lying around so the house always feels like a dump. I'm not really asking them to do major cleaning, apart from keeping their own rooms tidy and putting stuff in the dishwasher.

I have had numerous battles with them, and I don't think I ask for much
My DS is also staying up too late and not leaving for college on time in the mornings, so he is constantly late.
I'm always turning the WiFi off, and after a bit of moaning they may eventually do something, but once they do and they get it back, we go through the whole process again, as they never seem to learn. It's so draining.
I took my son's xbox off him for a day last week, all he did was moan and ask why, he eventually done a few things and said he would help more, and leave for college in time, but he is back to sitting on it for hours and hours without a break.

They are due home soon and I won't be back for 2 hrs after them and they won't realise till they get home.

Any suggestions on how to play it this time?
Oh and I already get 'you are stopping me from doing my school/college work'
Plus I like to chill out and do a bit of internet browsing when I get in from work!

Pop into the phone shop, they can lock the phone to the amount you want

Cheering you on: Serve their dinner with dirty plates and crockery... Might help get the message. Don't do their washing, basically down tools until they start to help.

good for you.

parenting standards are low on MN, but in the real world lazy entitled dirty brats are not 'normal'. (that said, with the amount of litter dropped everywhere teens go I begin to wonder...) Being a teenager is no excuse for being a skank.

Kick this into touch as when they leave home their future flatmates will hate them as much as you will end up doing. Good luck and take no prisoners!

Do people not realise most modern routers have a WPS button that can be pressed to connect devices automatically?

The main providers allow for this to be disabled from memory (its a FAQ for most of them!). If they didn't you can either ask for a different router or stick a second, simple router, inside the first and run wifi from there.

I used to hide everything in the cleaning cupboard my lot didn't come close to finding it.

Has your DS got GCSEs this year? If so even more reason to bin the Xbox until exams are over.

I had to be really strict about no gaming during the week during term time and especially not in exam season. Sometimes I relented on a Friday or if they had an insed day but it was dependent on how they were doing with their chores and studies.

It's an addiction worth going to war over. They need to discipline themselves and appreciate important stuff needs to get done first. It's shit being the bad guy but it worked for us.

My son would just hotspot his phone to play the playstation, good luck and I hope it works for you, teenagers are pains

Forgot about wps, I disabled it ages ago.

Another thing I did, as well as no longer doing their laundry, was when it came to the washing up, I would sort out whatever I used to cook, my plate, cups etc. I stripped the kitchen so there was one of everything for everyone. Whilst they stood at the sink having to wash up something they needed I would give them other things to wash up that had been used during prep. After a couple of weeks of them doing this and having to wipe the sides and sweep the floor every single time, they fell in love with the dishwasher.

Paved the way for them to also cook dinners. The washing up showed them the consequences of only thinking about yourself.

They aren't perfect lol, and make me want to pull my hair out. Battles to get to school, homework, revise etc. Just boundary-pushing stuff whilst they are learning.

TP Deco mesh boxes both extend your wifi and give you the ability to see everything that is connected, which sites they are using, you can set time limits and bed times and block sites. You also pause wifi for everyone or individually. You can set up groups for tv/smart plugs/stuff you don't want to mess around with and have a profile for each child or xbox and control them. Power!

We found the x box thing for a day did not work, then we took it away at the weekend, DS cracked on the Friday. After that we did not have a problem with him. Interestingly he chose not to take it to uni.

Ah they told me you couldn't hotspot. Well they can it seems, just what they meant was they couldn't. Contracts are capped to 1 or 2 gb 🤣 One update and oopps 🤣

hopefully their 4G runs out quicly then !

Excellent, I've been known to take Xbox controls out with me for the day in my handbag
If they phone to ask where it is feign all innocence lol. "Sorry, busy, going through tunnel, can't hear you....bzzzzzzzz"

Oh, and they only have pay as you go so no data so no chance of them using wifi with the router gone haha

I had two one 16 and one 11 single parent they never done anything other than rubbish in bin and dirty clothes in washing basket - found it a breeze house was always spotless didnt spend hours daily either do it as you go

I’d go with the changing password every day - get yourself an app or something that generates random ones. Or just remove the cable.

Don’t take the whole Xbox! Just the cable with the charging brick.

If they’re going to behave like you’re their slave then just stop. Cook enough for you, clean enough for you, but go on strike for them. If they enjoy doing all their own laundry then fine, but you’ll need a rota.

If you’re feeling generous you can lay this out in a family meeting....

I encourage everyone to remove the Xbox for two weeks. You will see your teen turning human before your eyes.

Even the style of communication changed, was more motivated with school work, being so competitive he started competing about getting the best grades, and I couldn’t believe the lengthy conversations over dinner. The voice tone changed as well.

Then the punishment came to an end on week 3 and after two months we were back to square one (he continued to get fantastic grades after that though)

Personally I love the idea of renaming the router to "Chores First" and changing the password every day, making them earn the password for that day.

I do this too, although I actually hide the cable in the tumble dryer that is rarely used. DS doesn't have mobile data either.

The problem with changing the password or renaming the wifi is that you have to re-add every sodding thing back to it each time - every smart plug, bulb, printer, telly, chromestick as well as every device. Each time. Hence the TP Deco where you just press pause.

@TwoHeadedYellowBelliedHoleDig I love having all that power.

Of course, a day isn't going to work. Especially a school day. Weekends and school holidays are there to deal with this effectively. Within 24 hours of a 48 ban they start to crumble. Next time it's 72 hours. And add another day. And even when they have crumbled during the ban, they don't get it back. Never gone beyond a 3-day ban.

Of course, they whine but I've done it, mum. Yea and? Maybe take the rest of the time to think about how you can avoid this in the future. Multiple account router/extender allows you to very easily kick off the one that is on a ban without disrupting everyone else. And that's also a kicker for them, seeing everyone else online. Even better when you have more than one gamer in the house 🤣

I wish there was a different way to word it. Asking them for help annoys me as it does when men are told to help the wife but am I helping when I do all the shopping, cooking, washing ?

I'd text them that IF the house is clean and tidy when you get home, you'll plug the router in for xx hours. If it isn't tidy, then you'll only allow 1 hour so that they can do homework.

And the same again tomorrow, and the same again ... Until it becomes their norm to do housework when they get home, then homework, then free time.

sunshine I try and tell mine that as part of a family who eats and wears clothes then they should all muck in with chores. I also try really hard to never use the phrase "helping me".

What a brilliant idea. Love this plan, let us know how it goes. Much easier than wrestling their devices off them, go to the source!