Should a SAHM be responsible for all household and life admin tasks or just childcare?

[marriedsinglemummy]

Just that really. Interested in opinions on whether a SAHMs job is just childcare or if the expectation is for them to take on all household tasks and life admin responsibilities as well as all childcare duties?

Depends on the age of the children. I would never say all tasks. Weekend and evening tasks (assuming a standard working pattern) including childcare should be split equally. The rest of the time the SAHP should do a greater proportion of the at home tasks as they are easier to fit around a baby/toddler than around a job, but certainly not all.

I know it's not a popular opinion here, but when ExH was a SAHD I expected him to do most household tasks, childcare and life admin.

Note I said most, not all.

I was a sahm for 5 years.
I did everything to do with the children and house. Dh worked away Mon to Fri, if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done.

I had no objection to it, if it wasn't for him, I'd have to of worked and life would have been much tougher to organise.

I don't think there needs to be any rules or even a concensus as long as the couple themselves are happy with the split it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks and if one partner isn't happy tbh telling the other one what other people do is very unlikely to change their behaviour imo

I don't think there is a single answer here. It should be discussed between partners and based on the needs of their family.

If it were DH and I and one of us stayed at home then we would probably have a tacit agreement that the SAHP did the bulk of the housework. But we would each have dominion over certain tasks that we're good at or very particular over.

Childcare and most household chores that can reasonably be done in the day, with some variation for age of children. All evening and weekend jobs should be shared.

It shouldn't be that the working parent gets a free pass and their weekends to do what they like.

I'd certainly say they should take on the vast majority of it, yes.

I hate this relatively new phrase 'Life Admin' though.

It makes paying a few bills online and sorting out insurance etc, sound like a mammoth task.

It's not like the days where you had walk to the bank and queue for what seemed like an age, just to pay a bill.

Or spend up to an hour on hold on the telephone, to sort out insurance etc.

Majority of household related tasks and childcare. If I had to put figures on it I'd say a sliding scale starting at about 60/40 when babies and gradually increasing to 90/10 when kids go to primary.

I'd say it depends on the set up. I'd say the person who is at home should do the majority but it depends on the week/day. I have the boys in the.day and dh has them in the evening (we are eachothers childcare effectively as we work back to back).

If I have a tough day I do next to no tasks. If my day is ok then I get a lot done.

That said, dh is not always good at picking after himself and it makes me resentful sometimes.

My responsibility... Everything that can be done before 6PM Monday-Friday.
Shared- bedtimes, childcare in evenings around volunteering/hobbies, taking DC to weekend clubs, cooking at weekends, errands at weekends

His responsibility- tax returns and car/motorbike maintenance.

Yes. Going against the grain.

I think we overstate a lot of the shit which needs doing. “Life admin” - what even is that? How often do you renew insurance/tax/MOT. It takes 10 mins online. School clubs exactly the same.

What even are “weekend jobs” - you have someone at home all week, why do you even have weekend jobs?!

I’m going to just say. I’m a single mother with 4 kids. Even I don’t have “jobs” to do at the weekend. Well I need to clean the wheelie bin but again that takes 30 mins.

Everything else gets done in the week and I’m not up all night cleaning and washing.

At the weekend DH takes his share of childcare.
DH does all the household admin.
I do all of the housework during the week. DH used to work long hours although he now tries to get home to put dd to bed.

I hate all this life admin and mental load bollocks too.

Golden rule, IMO, is equal leisure time and equal disposable income for both parties. Each family has a different way of achieving this as we are all different, but you can't go much wrong with that aim in mind.

I think once they start napping off you then it gets easier to do stuff as a SAHP, but not easy. Also it depends on how much TV you want them to watch.

I personally only do stuff when DS is at preschool. I get stressed in the holidays as no naps now and it's impossible to clean with a 3 year old unless you use Ipad / Tv. There's still cooking and everyday stuff to get through.

I do do all the life admin stuff though. I even change the smoke alarm batteries, but decorating, DIY is down to DH. I have once cut the grass when DH was working away as the garden was a jungle, but I have enough to do in a few hours usually without taking on man jobs.

I always wonder what all these life admin tasks people talk about are as well. Surely thing like car or house insurance only need done once a year and don't take very long.

I’m not trying to play one up on anyone but if you have two adults in your house, one of whom is at home all week, how is it even possible you have jobs to still do at the weekend?!

Just childcare.

I think depends on the age of the kids. For the first few months I just breastfed but took on more as DD got older.

How can it be "childcare" when you're a family? It's just being a family. Childcare is outsourced.

I have once cut the grass when DH was working away as the garden was a jungle, but I have enough to do in a few hours usually without taking on man jobs.

WTF? Man jobs?

@EmmaC78 just stuff like monthly meter readings, birthday card and present buying, arranging appointment like an trade things that need doing and being in for that, viewing schools/ preschools, attending the majority of schools events, taking pets to vets. Being the main person that organises everything. All stuff that if you both work has to be done in the evenings or during work but might be spilt more. I used to find it hard doing personal calls at work and at lunchtime wasn't usually the best time to do that, as others are on lunch.

Obviously depends on the age and needs of the children. Caring for my disabled children at home was/ is a full time task and doing housework/ cooking/ admin at the same time near impossible, particularly when they were babies.

I would expect a SAHP and a working parent to have a similar amount of leisure and down time. If the children are at nursery/ school or napping during the day I would expect the majority of that time to be used by the SAHP to complete household tasks that need doing. I wouldn’t expect the SAHP to be spending 3 hours on the sofa watching TV whilst baby/ toddler slept and not doing anything else or to be completing hobbies/ catching up with friends whilst kids are in childcare/school and not making sure the house is in order first. But I would also take into account things like whether the child/ren sleep well or if there are night wakings and who’s doing them - if SAHP is up half the night with a baby they may reasonably need to nap in the day.

I don’t think there’s an easy answer and it will vary by family, but I would generally expect the SAHP to be doing household chores before leisure time if there are points of the day where kids are asleep or in school/ childcare. In the evenings/ weekends chores should be shared equally, unless the SAHP gets leisure time in the week and working parent doesn’t.

@WorraLiberty obviously plenty of women now lawns, and many men do washing, but you know what I mean. Do you think I should do everything, childcare, cleaner and gardener ? I do weeding already. Then DH can just relax all weekend ? I mean my DS only goes to preschool for a few hours a week. Ha maybe I should just send him full time , whilst I'm at home to sort it all or better just put on the tv for the 13 hours a day my DH is out the house.

Between the hours of 8-6, dh and I are busy.
Dh works ft.
I work pt, and around those hours I also clean and tidy the house, sort and do the washing, all admin, walk the dog, organise appointments, look after the dcs if they’re home sick or need taking to appts, drive them to and from their tutors / activities, do the car servicing etc, shop for food, and cook dinner.

Anything else outside of those hours is shared.