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Original poster

Should a SAHM be responsible for all household and life admin tasks or just childcare?

211 replies

marriedsinglemummy · 15/12/2019 14:13

Just that really. Interested in opinions on whether a SAHMs job is just childcare or if the expectation is for them to take on all household tasks and life admin responsibilities as well as all childcare duties?

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 15/12/2019 20:21

Life admin can be huge. All the small tasks that add up. Bills, presents, clubs, play dates, school projects/homework/dress ups, dentist, orthodontist, etc etc

Everyone has life admin. We all know what it is. Why would you possibly feel the need to explain it to people? Like we don't have it and dont know.

Most people manage it. It's called being an adult.

Caterina99 · 15/12/2019 20:21

I’m a sahm. 2 and 4 year old DC. I do the vast majority of the housework and “life admin” as I consider it my job since I don’t work. DH does his specific jobs - DIY, cutting the grass, putting the wheels bins out. He rarely cooks or cleans as I do it, but he would do it if I asked him to and he always does bath and bedtime if he’s home from work and I’ll cook dinner in that time. All bets are off though if one of us is sick, or when we had a newborn. Weekends we try and split childcare so we each get some child free down time and also some family time.

My 2 year old just started 2 mornings a week at nursery. It’s fab. But it’s definitely made me do more around the house as I feel bad that I now get all this time to myself and DH doesn’t.

WorraLiberty · 15/12/2019 20:23

Teddy what do you consider to be a 'good chunk of time' though?

Most 'admin' doesn't have to be done on a daily basis. Given that it's mostly weekly, monthly or yearly.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Childcare & nursery Families

LolaSmiles · 15/12/2019 20:25

The thing is when you put your child in a nursery do you expect them to be making phone calls, doing admin or cooking whilst taking care of your DC? No you expect them to handle that off the "shop floor."
Not this again.
Parenting your own child isn't the same as delivering professional childcare.
Just like giving your partner a lift isn't being a taxi service.
Just like cooking your own meals doesn't make you a chef.
Just like paying your own bills and organising your account doesn't make you an accountant
Just like weeding your beds and mowing the lawn doesn't make you a gardener

The whole "but professional childcare..." is the go to line when it comes to suggesting the person at home should probably do more of the home tasks than the person working all day, but it's such a stupid argument.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/12/2019 20:31

Life admin can have a tendency to fill the available time if allowed. Full time working parents still do dentist/sign forms for trips/do homework/bake for the pta/swap utility providers etc. It just gets done in the gaps around work.

AlexaShutUp · 15/12/2019 20:32

Everyone saying that they're not worth a mention is actually part of the issue - women's work: super easy, not even worth mentioning. But don't you dare ask a busy man to do it, because suddenly it's not so easy anymore...

But it is easy and none of the things you have mentioned are particularly time consuming. The only real challenge is in finding the headspace to deal with all of those little tasks on top of everything else, and it seems obvious to me that the parent who is at home all day with a small child (especially when said child is out at nursery twice a week) has way more headspace than the parent who is already juggling a load of work tasks and inevitably some family stuff as well.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/12/2019 20:34

No one is saying to ask a busy man to do it. There's an available other capable adult in the home who has 10hours free a week in which to do it.

Had the OP said that both she and her husband were out of the house 7am-7pm with work and she was shouldering all this crap, then the responses would be vastly different.

MentalHealth101 · 15/12/2019 20:40

If the kids and the mum are at home that usually generates much more housework. As eating and playing and messing up is all in the house..

It saves childcare costs but brings the childcare tasks to home..

So I would say no, it’s not reasonable for SAHM to do everything alone and I find it undermining that pp are struggling to understand what mental load is and what life admin.

123bananas · 15/12/2019 20:47

I think it varies depending on lots of factors. I deal with all admin relating to bills etc.. and did when was sahp because DH has dyslexia and struggles with letter writing and numbers. School admin is shared with DH now he is sahp. He does pretty much all cooking, all the ironing and the majority of the everyday cleaning. I do kids homework mainly although DH good on art projects. Garden chores and deeper cleaning shared.

motortroll · 15/12/2019 20:53

I am about to be a SAHM. I will be responsible for household as I already am working pt. I have phone anxiety so I expect he will still do any phone admin that needs doing.
He will still do stuff if I asked cos if he doesn't I won't wash his pants!!

Seriously though it's not that official. I'll do more because I'll be home more but we'll probs just muddle a long as always. Except I'll have time to make proper meals!

BlueBirdGreenFence · 15/12/2019 21:43

These threads always leave me confused as to how there are so many SAHPs who don't seem to realise all the working ones also have "life admin"....

WorraLiberty · 15/12/2019 21:45

Don't be so daft. It's easy no matter who does it.

And to be honest, if it really was so time consuming, people wouldn't be listing every little ridiculous thing to 'bulk out' the list.

Karwomannghia · 15/12/2019 21:50

I think as a SAHP it’s is expected to do these things especially as your ds is in nursery sometimes. However when/if you do ever go to work you’ll undoubtedly find that you’re still expected to do it all.

Marleyisme · 15/12/2019 21:56

I read these threads and wonder how I managed to raise my kids and work fulltime and keep the house running and decent, whilst being a single parent. It actually wasnt as hard as some people make out to do it all and I am fat from wonder woman.

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 15/12/2019 21:58

No. Any adult, no matter how hard he or she works, who doesn't do any shopping, cleaning, cooking, housework or "life admin" is an abject arsehole. No matter how much they earn.

BackforGood · 15/12/2019 22:06

The thing is when you put your child in a nursery do you expect them to be making phone calls, doing admin or cooking whilst taking care of your DC?

What @LolaSmiles said, plus OP is only looking after 1 child, not 4.

ChristmasCroissant · 15/12/2019 22:07

Just to clarify that the tasks mentioned are great as a list of things to do or that you have completed (a ta-da list), but I don't think that it works well as evidence to a partner that the load is unequal. I do think most of that would fall on a SAH parent. But as I said upthread, I suspect this is about something else really and not the life admin and the example given here is not the best illustration of the problem. I hope you can sort something out, OP.

SallyWD · 15/12/2019 22:13

There's no right answer - it's what works for your family. I was a SAHM for 7 years and really did all domestic chores, life admin etc. I only did this because my DH has a stressful job with lots of responsibility. He works very long hours. As I was at home all day it just seemed logical that I'd take on all the domestic stuff. However, if my DH had worked an easy 9-5 job and had all his evenings and weekends free I would have expected more help. My DH frequently has to work evenings and weekends. I decided that when he does have free time I'd like him to have quality time with the children, rather than getting him to do the hoovering or something.

Mitzicoco · 15/12/2019 22:17

I'm a sahp and I'm pretty crap at it. My kids are happy though which is the main thing. Also dh doesn't expect me to clean the wheelie bin

WorraLiberty · 15/12/2019 22:27

It actually wasnt as hard as some people make out to do it all and I am fat from wonder woman.

Sorry, I know it's a typo but that cracked me up

firesong · 15/12/2019 23:55

OP, I know what you mean. I'm not a SAHP, but when I was on maternity leave after having my first child, suddenly jobs were given to me by my partner (now ex). Things he would normally do himself.

It upsets the balance of the relationship if you are suddenly being given tasks to do by your partner. You feel like his subordinate. Obviously that's not the case of you have a respectful partner who realised that being at home with children isn't quite as relaxing as they think from their position sitting there at the weekend, not having to do anything.

DNAwrangler · 16/12/2019 00:45

Well if it's so easy worra, why are men not doing it?

DNAwrangler · 16/12/2019 00:46

And people aren't 'bulking out their lists'. The point is that it's loads of small things that add up...

bumblingbovine49 · 16/12/2019 01:43

Ffs. Let's like on the op, why not?. The mythical 2 min admin jobs. A bit like the mythical MN chicken that feeds the 5,000. The list is a typical list of normal 'tasks' but each of them will take much more than 2 mins. A trip to IKEA an take me half a day . Anyway the time taken to do them is irrelevant, it is the having to be responsible for remembering to.do them .

Op, in my opinion, it is completely and utterly unreasonable for your DH to.opt out of everything in your family life. Others here seem to disagree but I certainly do not.

Kisskiss · 16/12/2019 02:04

Me and dh both work and I already do all the sorts of tasks you mentioned in your list. Mainly because nagging dh to do them is plain irritating and takes more time than me just getting on with it

I think it would be fair if you handled stuff mon-fri as it’s your weekday ‘job’ and on weekends he pull his finger out and does stuff with you .

Is the issue more about feeling unappreciated ? Because tbh the list does look a little petty

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