Should a SAHM be responsible for all household and life admin tasks or just childcare?

[marriedsinglemummy]

Just that really. Interested in opinions on whether a SAHMs job is just childcare or if the expectation is for them to take on all household tasks and life admin responsibilities as well as all childcare duties?

DH does his fair share when he’s home which is

Some people do seem to. Particularly men whose wives do it all for them. I know couples like that where even though both of them work, she organises the children's clothes, when new shoes are due, sorts out doctors and dentists, does all the contact with schools and nurseries, birthday presents and cards for friends and families, children's classes and holiday clubs, renews the insurance, on and on, and he... mows the lawn and 'does DIY' when it needs doing. That's when it gets unfair
I totally agree.
In those situations the men take the piss.

In situations where one person is at home though them doing a bit more is reasonable. The at home partner doing more by virtue of being home doesn't give the working partner a free pass (and they should be sharing the load equally at weekends etc), but the at home partner doesn't have licence to start listing every tiny task as proof they're so hard done to.

The thread recently where a SAHP listed making their OWN cup of tea and waving the children out the door as jobs they do in the morning. That sort of thing, rightly, makes people roll their eyes

The thing is, MH, this thread is not really about people who are too sick or disabled to pick up their fair share. The OP hasn't mentioned anything like that.

I do agree with Bumpity that standards make a difference to how much time things take. I tend to be quite a perfectionist so put a lot of time and effort into researching stuff, getting the details right etc. However, I recognise that that's a personal choice and it's one of the ways in which I choose to spend my "downtime".

Tbh, despite being the main breadwinner, I end up doing nearly all of the "wifework"/"mental load" type stuff in our house, primarily because I choose to. If I do it myself, I do it how I want it. Perhaps I'm just a control freak but I don't consider it that onerous. DH does pull his weight with regard to cleaning etc.

They should be expected to do everything concerning house/children. You are being 'employed' by your husband/wife to do just that.

I'm a sahm and I do 90% of household chores, DP will help when I need it

God I spend fucking hours doing life admin. I can only assume the people who don't just don't bother doing half of it. I spent about 4 3 hr stints doing our house insurance. Ours is fairly complicated though, but a lot of it was spent fighting with websites that didn't work properly -Direct Line and Axa I am looking at you. I can't see how anyone can do it in 10 mins. Don't you read the cover and at least the high level terms and conditions??? There is so much variety between different policies and a policy is only worth buying if it actually covers you for what you need otherwise you might as well burn your money.

Direct line pissed me off though - I was all ready to go. Had read through the key T&Cs, added in all my extras etc etc etc and only THEN does it tell me that I have to locks on ALL accessible windows. Literally it tells you this AFTER all he quote etc just when you are about to buy it pops up. Couldn't they say that up front. Had to start all over again.

@toodlethenoodle
They should be expected to do everything concerning house/children. You are being 'employed' by your husband/wife to do just that
Your contempt for SAHPs is obvious! Contrary to your assertions, you are in no position to tell anyone what SAHPs "should" be expected to do and SAHPs are not underlings "employed" by their spouses/partners.

MN’s opinions on life admin irritate the hell out of me! It’s a very real thing and it Needs doing. Dr Apt’s, boiler services, MOT’s, car tax, getting the kids passports, school/nursery place forms, shared parental leave, family birthdays, kids birthdays/Christmas, school events - they don’t just happen, adult life doesn’t just ‘happen’ - it usually comes with a load of paperwork/Apt’s and requires significant planning and organisation.

It all needs doing I agree but the example you have given are not exactly labour intensive. Car tax can be done by DD and applying for passports isn't exactly a regular occurrence.

Tbh, despite being the main breadwinner, I end up doing nearly all of the "wifework"/"mental load" type stuff in our house, primarily because I choose to. If I do it myself, I do it how I want it. Perhaps I'm just a control freak but I don't consider it that onerous. DH does pull his weight with regard to cleaning etc.

Yep, exactly the same here. I use my commute on the train to do internet-based admin.

I'm with you EmmaC.
To be fair, I don't think anyone has suggested there's an adulting fairy that magically does all things, more that it's a bit unreasonable to whine about small tasks or infrequent tasks and add them onto a list to prove how busy someone is.

It's the home life version of the colleague who loves to act like they have more work than anyone else in the building and in conversation will manage to somehow make "print the documents for a meeting" into 3 minutes of busy chat about how they need to:
Open their emails
Check the documents have been sent
Save them and check they've formatted correctly (which 99% of the time means opening the document to print it with zero extra work)
Print them
Go to the printer
Collect them
Make a coffee on the way back to their desk because they've been so busy they never get a minute
Read through the document
Walk down the corridor to the meeting room
Participate in the meeting

Bonus points if they also fit in how the printer got a paper jam and therefore their day was so so so much more stressful than anyone else's, because nobody else in the organisation does anywhere near what they do.

When I was a SAHM, I did as many home/admin tasks as I had time to do around childcare. DH would help with those left over or ones that required him to organise (e.g. the servicing of his car).

I felt my job role was primarily dealing with the children and then running the home in any time left over. I 'worked' from when DH left the house in the morning until we sat down for dinner at 6pm (and DH gets home). Outside of those hours we both do whatever needs doing. I would take a lunch break when DS was at school nursery. I tried to mirror an out of the home working day so I wasn't responsible for all childcare and home jobs from waking up to going to bed (which probably would have happened).