Sentences you never thought you would say before having children

[Winterfellismyhome]

I love threads like this

"Please take your car out of the dinosaur"
"Please dont put your breadstick in my belly button"

We don't take our penises out at the table. No it's still poking out of the top, it has to go fully away.

I'm not stopping you because it's clever.

Don't eat floor food....

PUT THE POO DOWN

Stop licking your sister's knee please

Take your finger out of your bum please

Why is your poo bright green (blue ice cream)

Wee on the concrete not on the grass please

Stop wiping your snot on the telly.

No you can't have a tail like daddy (DP learnt to shut the bathroom door properly after that)

Anyone who says girls are less disgusting than boys is wrong.

About two years before I had my DS, I did hear a mother in the toilets "mind where you put your penis! Point it at the toilet! Mind your penis!!"

Stop licking your sister's bottom.

(There seem to be quite a few licking moments on this thread 😂).

Stop reanacting "Spiderpig" (Simpsons movie) with the dog

We don't lick bins

stop Picking your bum!

Don’t put dolphins nose in your willy - you’ll make it sore

Do you need a wee? Pinching the end won’t hold it in

Take your finger out of your nose

Don’t put the melon on your willy

Put the duck poo down

"Stop licking your sister"

"Stop licking the cat"

"No, you can't get on the chicken coop with the chickens"

"Stop eating chicken poo"

"Is that poo or chocolate? NO, DON'T LICK IT TO CHECK"

Stop rubbing your bottom on your sister’s things!

Why is everything always wet?
Stop trying to eat sand!
Doggy doesn't want to eat your weetabix!

Put your willy back in your pants and eat your dinner.

Don't stick that up the cats bum.

Don't eat that cat poo.

Let me check those pants

Haha these are great!

Don't throw the javelin at the Christmas tree!!

Stop touching your bumhole!

Don't feed your apple to your willy.

Don't put your willy in your cup

Take your toe out of your bum

Take that fire engine off the xylophone!

"No you can't drive, you've not passed your test and you're not insured" (he's two)

"You can have a chain saw for your birthday if you're a very good boy"

"Do you seriously expect me to believe your karate teacher said you have to practice your moves on your grandma?"

Get your hand out of your nappy!

Stop eating your shoe!

Lol, at the moment the sentence I use the most to my child is 'no, we do not kill the child' ... we are going through a Bart Simpson faze, DS heard '...kill the child' watching The Simpsons and has chosen to remember that

But is there blood??

I just want a poo in peace FFS

I'm not going to sniff that so own up to what it is now