Sentences you never thought you would say before having children

[Winterfellismyhome]

I love threads like this

"Please take your car out of the dinosaur"
"Please dont put your breadstick in my belly button"

I can't even remember what was normal conversation and social boundaries before having two sons.

Life is very lavatorial, biological and involves a lot of reminders about personal boundaries in the quest to avoid fraticide.
Then there's the moments that they instinctively gate crash when I having a bath and suddenly find it's bain a deux, or just the wrong moment of changing a mooncup.

At least there won't be much awkwardness around The Talk because there's not that much left to cover that hasn't been learned.

There was the time when there was a "where's your willy?" conversation in a public toilet and I emerged to find someone I knew washing their hands.

Then there's the world of Lego, Minecraft, space, crime, war and all their other fascinations...

I'm a rubbish conversationist these days

Get that octopus away from your bottom right now!

(Toy octopus, no animals were harmed in this gross experience )

@BouleBaker I’ve never openly laughed out loud at MN before

Love this thread. mine are older now but I remember
“ Who left that eyeball on the mantle piece?”
“What do you mean, these [dumplings] feel like testicles? Get back here at once young lady!”
“ So, tell me why buying you a £1,500 bass guitar is a good investment in my future?”

"If I put a nappy on the llama first can we then put a nappy on you?"

Crying with laughter, looking forward to these conversations later with my 15 month old son!

"Stop trying to colour the cat in green, he likes the colour he is"

Poor cat was staring at me with a panicked "save me mummy" face

'No dancing at the table'
'Stop licking my tummy'

'Yes you can have another chip if you eat the chicken nuggets' - desperate attempt to get my carbs-and-fruit-diet toddler to eat protein in any form whatsoever

"Why is there egg on the wall"?

"I sneezed".

🤢

I do not want to hear about your dream about a unicorn. Just put on your knickers.

"Stop licking the cat" 🤦🏻‍♀️

sometimes more than once in the same day

Put the gun down

Toilet brushes are for adult use only!!!

I know mumsnet doesn't like toilet brushes but I do

Am I speaking a foreign language?

If I have to repeat it again I am going to loose the will to live

Why is thor in the freezer?

Do we have to talk about diarrhoea whilst we est?

Could you just stop teaching him to dab and just eat your dinner

Your willy isn’t a guitar.

Glad I'm not the only mum of a serial licker! Ds is 4 and kicks his sister (10) goodbye st school before they go to their separate classes.

No, you can't have babies when you're older. Girls have babies.

No, you can't mix your seeds with my eggs. Boys don't make babies with their mummies

Well, yes, it only takes one sperm so all the others just kind of come back out 🤦‍♀️

Don't stick the penny in your butt

No, your sister won't breastfeed you when she's older

I don't know x eleventy billion times a day

Please don't lick my bum

Stop eating your bogies

No, I don't want to see your willy that's gone all big. Put it away.

Why are my knickers in the fridge?!

“Who drew the penis in the shower?”

'Please don't try putting gems in your vagina again, they might get stuck' - I never in a million years envisaged that being an issue (DD is 3)

Unstick your willy!

How many people did you kill?
Four?
Wow, that's amazing!

Fortnite related

Why is there a naked Barbie in the fruit bowl?

• this was said about 3 weeks ago. Naked Barbie is still there, sitting quite happily, next to the bananas.

Don’t lick your sister.

I say this almost every day 😂

"Do NOT hit the dog with the spike"

Very loudly in a caravan site