Sentences you never thought you would say before having children

[Winterfellismyhome]

I love threads like this

"Please take your car out of the dinosaur"
"Please dont put your breadstick in my belly button"

Heard from my partner the other day- “yes I understand that you’re sad, but I can’t let you eat mousse out the bin”

Can you stop playing with your penis please if you want to do that go to your room... off he trotted! 12yo DS

We had a long sleep in until 8 am!

Stop licking the windows
Yes we do wear at least underwear to the dinner table
You have a collection of sand under your bed?

Please stop using the cling-film as a trumpet!

Can you please remove your willy from the freezer!

"Stop trying to eat the table / remote / cat food etc "

"I don't want my hair in between your toes" (has developed weird obsession for putting feet in my hair )

"You cant eat your dirty nappy...or clean one... you can't cry because I didn't let you eat it!!!"

17m old DS.

"Don't drink the shammpoo!!" "NO!! REALLY ... DONT DRINK THE SHAMPPOO!!!

Don't take scraps out of the bin
Stop putting the cats in the oven/bin/washing machine/toilet
Don't chase the cats with a sword
Stop licking the dog
Stop pulling tails
Stop poking the dogs eyes
Stop wiping snot on the window
Put your hand over your mouth when you cough, not the cat
Don't come right to my face just to cough
Stop sneezing in the washing basket
Don't put toys in your nappy
Don't put food in your nappy
Don't hide food in the toy box
Don't put everyone's shoes under the sofa
Stop pulling laundry off the maiden
Don't take my tampons and share them with your friends
Stop farting on the dog
Don't climb out of the window to see if it's raining
We do not put food in the bin and pretend we've eaten to get snacks!
Coco powder isn't a snack
Nobody wants to see the spot on your bum
Bouncing up and down to watch your willy move isn't funny
Don't eat cat food/dirt/grass/leaves/cardboard/plastic/wood.
You can't wash your car in the toilet
Stop sticking things in your ears and nose
Don't lock the animals in cupboards
Why is this wet
Why is this brown
Were you sick
Did you poo
Did you wee on the floor
Where is your nappy
Where are your clothes
Throwing toys out of the window is not cleaning up
Stop running the animals over on your car
Don't drive into the walls
Don't drive over your sister
Stop putting toys down the drain
Where did you put my keys/phone/purse/remote
Don't dip the flowers in milk
Stop dipping your car in milk
Don't pour milk on the table
You can't eat your tea off the floor like the dog does
No I am not putting your food in the dogs dish
Stop bloody licking food from your plate

These are from today only.

New one today;

‘Yes, ddog IS eating sticks. What a silly billy. NO, DON’T YOU EAT STICKS!’ 😱😂😂😂

I am not a trampoline!!

" Errr DS! We do not shiv Nana with a corkscrew thank you!"

Hahaha! @PhillipeFellope

Today i had "please dont take food out of my mouth"

I said DON'T lick the bin.

'You've decapitated Mr Tumble'

"No that Nerf gun will NOT be excellent to shoot Nana with even if it does hold 20 bullets" DC is 6 🙄

Don't sit on your sisters head!
Probably best not to touch the electric fence.
Also I never knew quite how much glitter would be in my Hoover.

Today at the farm "please don't lick the goat" immediately thought of this thread

In a really condescending tone "honey, if you had bothered to look at the baby in the ONE minute I left the room whilst she was having nappy off time you MIGHT have noticed she is covered in shit and most of it is in her mouth.

In the bath, "girls, your brothers willy is not a toy and stop flicking it".

'Have you just put your finger on your bum and are now sniffing it'!?!!

Its not a bone it, just sticks up sometimes. Stop touching it and it will go away.

'How on earth did you accidentally lick a slug?'

Don’t use your toothbrush to clean your willy..........
.....don’t use your toothbrush to clean your brothers willy..........
....don’t put the toothbrush up there!!! Just give me the toothbrush!

Don’t sniff the cats bum. No she does not want to sniff yours.

No I don’t need to see how far you can stretch your willy.

No, you can't put that sleeping mask on me, to stop me seeing what you are doing.

The above was said to my niece. She promptly replied "but don't you have eyes in the back of your head?"