Sentences you never thought you would say before having children

[Winterfellismyhome]

I love threads like this

"Please take your car out of the dinosaur"
"Please dont put your breadstick in my belly button"

Magical animals and extinct animals aren’t the same thing.

Stop eating coco pops out of the bin

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who has a DC who likes to stick his finger in his bum!

Other gems are...

We don't wee on the dog. No he doesn't want to lick your willy.
Who poo'ed on the stairs?
I don't want to eat your bogies

Toddlers are quite disgusting.

@TheKrakening3 until I was in my 20s I thought Unicorns were just extinct still not convinced they aren’t

"I know I said it, I heard the words come out. JUST DO IT!"

"Who ate the [specialist] cat food" It definitely wasn't the cat, as I knew for sure when DD crawled up to me for a kiss... Two minutes later I'm on the phone to the cat food manufacturer to find out if it's poisonous to humans. No, said the nice lady, but that one's disgusting! I know, said I

Haha so many licking comments! Why do kids lick everything?!

Take the potty off your head it's not a hat.

Please don't write on the carpet with my lipstick

Lipsticks are not crayons

Five tee five is not a number but 55 is.

No I won't get 'grow up ' anymore this is how big I am. No I don't really want a ladder for Christmas

I promise bunny will come out of the washing machine still crunchy. See this says crunchy mode.

Don't use your willy as a bookmark!

I’m SO EXCITED about my hygienist appt later!
(Time by myself being tortured with dental implements genuinely thrilling while dealing with 12 week old, 3 yr old and 7yr old)

Teacher of Y1...some of mine from last year:

That's not a good place for a pipe cleaner! (Up nose 🤦‍♀️)

Did the glue just stick itself to your hands? (Friends hands stuck together...both now crying!)

You can't 'accidentally' cut your own fringe 🤷‍♀️

Leaves don't make the best snack...leave them on the grass!

Can anyone tell me why eating cotton wool might not be a good idea?

Your friend doesn't want to sniff your bum, let go of his head!

Gotta love 'em 🥰

"No I won't get 'grow up ' anymore this is how big I am."

Haha

Just this last week, slightly off topic as its a bizarre thing dd said but

"Omg you're so short! I just realised!"

I'm pretty much the same height I've been her whole life of course but she's taken another stretch recently and absolutely dwarves me now!

Her height is partly related to her disability, certainly isn't from her dad or I as we're both short arses!

But our height differences are becoming very noticeable now.

"I can smell poo on your hand"
" I saw a rare WWE figure in town- look I took a photo!"(said yesterday- I was more excited than DS.
" Is that a snot on the wall?"

"no, you cannot eat the wax melts. I don't care how nice they smell!" (He's seven and should know better)
"Well he didn't die bloody skydiving, did he?" (When he asked how Scotland's oldest man had died)

Oh no not the sequins!

How on earth did they get on your butt hole!?

NO, don't lick the ice cream, it's covered in seagull poo! *

Do not out the spaghetti on the window.

The computer does not want a drink.

*Toy ice-cream shoppe, with a raised plastic ice-cream on the front, at the park.

Someone's going to die around here.
Stop babbyarceing
Who did it
Who did it
Where was that from. My DS stole a toy car.
Wipe those tears
What happened?
Who did it DS or DD?

Don't lick me.

I don't know why humans are made of meat.

Please don't hold the cat like a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher.

STOP FLOSSING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

"please stop eating the curtains"

My kids are pre teens.

Deodorant is necessary everyday

Or

Me: Have you put deodorant on?
Dc: no
Me: i can tell
Dc : dont tell anyone
Me; i wont need to they will be able to smell you from over there.

Dont do cartwheels through the shopping centre, you dont see other people doing this in normal life.

If you swear at me one more time because I am not doing your hair to your idea of perfection you can do it yourself.

Put the cat down, God gave them four legs for a reason. Dont try and get them to walk on two.

‘Where are your pants! You were wearing them when you set off up the garden, what have you done with them?’

‘What do you mean, ‘A grass wee wee’?!’

DS is 3.5 and speech delayed so we have many mysteries - I’m waiting to see if a patch of grass dies before I can determine if a grass wee wee is what I thought. In the plus side, when we found his pants they were bone dry 👍

A few gems from this week...
‘DS come back here, you can not crawl around the library naked!’
‘Stop biting my toes’
‘The boobs are up here, stop trying to latch on to my belly button!’ (It’s an innie!)

Don't wee on your sister's head

Don't put your willy through the whisk

These are fantastic🤣

Don't put the potato in the elephant,

Also many 'Don't lick the .......'

“Please get your penis off the dinner table!”