If you wanted / thought you were having a girl but ended up with a boy...

[GreenAndLeafy]

...how did you feel? Did it work out ok?

I’m due a baby boy in December. It’s my first pregnancy. I always knew that I had a preference for a girl, but I didn’t know how much so until we found out through the Harmony test that we’re having a boy.

I’m trying really hard to get my head around it, but I’ve realised that all of the daydreams that I’ve ever had about being a mum have been with a girl. I know on an intellectual level that I’m probably just making tonnes of assumptions about gender and what girls and boys do differently, but that doesn’t stop that huge fear that I’m now feeling that I’m going to be a terrible mum and not be able to bond with or enjoy our child. I feel sad about all the things I won’t be able to now share with the daughter I wanted (horrible pregnancy - I likely won’t have another one).

It may be relevant that I have no male cousins / siblings and a distant relationship with my father. I also have a chronic health condition that means I’m always tired and am terrified by the stock “oh, boys have so much more energy / are more hard work” comments that you always hear.

I’ve NC’d for this as I have a feeling lots of people will be along to tell me that I’m terrible and should just be happy I’m pregnant. I am happy, just also a little sad and nervous. I REALLY want for it to all work out.

Frightinthenight, what I find perplexing is the non stop comments to the tone of " I wanted a girl, but got a boy and I wouldn't swap him....etc"
The actuality of the situation should be to get pregnant to have a baby and to not be surprised that you loved it anyway ....there should not be a preference in the first place.
A baby is not there to fulfil you fantasy/ dream.
You are there to parent the baby .
People have no right to expect a baby to be anything other than itself.

I thought DC4 was a girl just because I already had 3 girls, everything about the pregnancy was the same, we never set out to “try for a boy” as everyone assumed after having the supposed misfortune of 3 daughters. Was very shocked when we were told at the 20 week scan, didn’t quite believe it, kept thinking no we don’t make boys.

9 years later and of course he is just adorable, he’s different to the girls because he’s him not because of what’s between his legs, the girls are all wonderful and different too.

I hope anyone who has wanted and not been able to or struggled to have a baby has not read this thread. It is indeed very upsetting.

I struggled to conceive and am currently 13 weeks pregnant after IVF, I find threads like this far less insensitive and offensive to both the childless and childfree than one I saw asking if being a parent makes you a better person, or conversely the one asking if more intelligent women were less likely to have children.

I'll be delighted with a boy or a girl, but I'm very aware that I might only be able to have one child and will probably always be curious about what it would be like to parent a child of the sex I don't have. I think most people probably have some expectations about their children before they're born but I don't think a little bit of gender disappointment is a problem unless it stops someone from bonding with their baby.